Curious About Kink: 5 Ways to Explore BDSM
I have always been a curious person, even as a young boy. Like most children, I couldn’t evaluate the danger of my surroundings. I would cuddle with dogs twice my size, grab spiders like they were toys and swim into the deep-end of the pool like I was Michael Phelps. It was my fascination with the unknown that led me into the arms of another man—as well as to my current position at Sex With Emily.
My first day at Sex With Emily was the sexual awakening I didn’t know I needed. The work force and sex were two separate realms that I never thought could overlap. Doing research in the office and in the bedroom helped me excel my career and sexuality. I found myself using all of the advice on the show, and I am one happy man. I wonder what my next research project will be?
In honor of celebrating unconventional forms of sex in our ‘Taking the Freak out of Freaky Sex’ Month, I’ve decided to explore an area that has recently peaked my interest: BDSM.
For those of you who completely don’t know what that means (hey, I didn’t until a few months ago!), BDSM is an abbreviation for bondage and discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. It has become the umbrella term for a range of erotic preferences and practices, from handcuffs and blindfolds to power play to a dungeon that would take Christian Grey’s breath away.
For those practicing BDSM, any kinky scenario that you set up and act out is called a scene. A scene can look many different ways, depending on who is acting it out. My fantasy scene may be a complete opposite of yours, but that’s what it is all about. You can create your own sexy scenario and go as far as your imagination does – with mutual consent, of course.
Here are 5 ways I want to start exploring BDSM (and you can, too).
Define The Scene
Most of my experiences have not been as thought out as a regular BDSM scene. I am very interested in expressing my desires and fantasies with someone who is willing to respect them. This will reduce all surprises and unwanted practices. This is something important that traditional sex usually skips. Going with the flow and potentially triggering someone with a wrong move is not my idea of fun. I want to follow what someone likes and I want them to know what I enjoy and am strongly against. We can even make a safe word to inform our partner that something is wrong and needs to stop immediately. I’ve been in awkward situations where I didn’t know how to communicate my feelings during sex. Talking about your desires with someone is actually very arousing if you have a vivid imagination. It’s like vocal form of foreplay.
Establish Power Roles
I have never established legitimate power roles that excite me. Someone asking me to sit on them isn’t my idea of that either. I want to play real roles with dominant and submissive personalities within each other’s comfort zones. I want to become someone else, perhaps another character while staying true to myself. The idea of telling someone what to do is arousing because they will follow your command, sexual or not. I also love the idea of being completely submissive and fulfilling someone’s desires. I already play a submissive role in bed, but allowing someone to control what they want from you, with prior consent, is one of my fantasies. I am interested in both roles, and traditional gay sex is very one-sided. I can be a bottom in this type of power play and still play a dominant and submissive character.
Bring Out The Bondage
Whenever I have sex with someone, the first thing we do is take off our clothes. We become natural, naked canvases. I love embracing a partner’s body, but adding some bondage accessories and harnesses can enhance our best features. I like the weight and texture of a harness, and I love the way people look in them. These also add to the characters and roles we create, if we decide to try them out. Some may feel rough, but this may be a way to ease into rough play with heavier accessories. I’m also curious about wearing leather chaps, hats and chains to make the fantasy even more real. Naked sex is cool, but the right accessories can take us up another level (Check out Sportsheets’ new Midnight collection, you’ll see what I mean!)
Tie em’ Up
Using a blindfold is an easy way to inhibit someone’s sense, but I think I’m ready for more. Physical restraints are a category of their own because there are so many ways to limit a person’s movement. The idea of surrendering your vulnerabilities and body to another person is beautiful to me. It allows us to enjoy intimacy without having to think about what we’re going to do next. We won’t know what is going to happen and we won’t be in control of it. Sometimes our natural movements get in the way of our potential for pleasure. Since I’m a beginner I’m curious to use a small gag and light rope to get my body used to these feelings. Another thing I’m waiting to use is my Sportsheets G-Spot Link to connect my legs (or his). This can help us get into different positions while controlling the movement.
Tease Me, Please?
Most people I meet want to get straight to sex and skip the rest. I’m especially curious to see what our bodies can do when we aren’t having sex. I wouldn’t consider this scene foreplay because you can have an orgasm from that. With some of the previous factors I mentioned before, I would imagine that teasing someone is the hottest thing to do right before sex. It’s like giving someone blueballs without even pleasuring them sexually. An entire scene without sex would intensify the slightest touch on our feet, arms and even hands. It would require us to use our imagination of what could or might be. A good spanking and a kiss is allowed, but I wouldn’t want to touch each other’s genitals just yet. If we take the time to learn someone’s body, we will discover more ways to pleasure each other down the road.