3 Moves That Make You GREAT Lover


I’m just going to put this out there — I have had quite a bit of mediocre sex.

No disrespect to my past partners, I certainly had a part in it as well. I expected them all to read my mind and KNOW what I wanted, without ever actually telling them what I wanted. And like many women out there, I gave epic orgasmic performances and handed out positive feedback to guys who didn’t even come close to earning it.

And then something wonderful happened. The sex started getting better! A lot of that had to do with the fact that I started to figure out what I liked in bed and became more comfortable asking for it. But there was also a shift in my partners’ bedroom attitudes that made a big difference. Whether I was choosing more considerate guys, or the guys I always flocked to had done some maturing, I can’t be sure. But all of a sudden, my partners genuinely cared about whether I was having a good time. And as a result, I WAS having a good time. 

There’s more to being a great lover than what a guy can do with his hands, or his other appendages, for that matter. In fact, what comes before sex and what comes after can make the main event exponentially more satisfying. So how can you tell those truly great lovers from the guys who will throw you a barely mumbled “was it good for you?” before rolling over and passing out?

If you want to feel totally taken care of in the sack, you need a partner who is in tune with your needs and desires (or at least wants to be). And more importantly, he should be attending to these needs and desires before, during AND after the sex itself.

Here are 3 things a truly great lover should do in bed without you even asking:


Before: Set the mood

As arousing as an erection in your back can be, it doesn’t exactly set the scene for a night of sensual lovemaking. Your partner should be making an effort to romance you, long before the act of sex begins.

This isn’t something they’ll inherently know, so you might have to guide them the first couple times. Encourage them to turn up the romance because that’s what really turns you on, e.g., “It gets me so hot when you start by rubbing my back and shoulders, and then undress me slowly.”) Once they figure out that this behavior leads to sex, they will most definitely add it to their repertoire.

If your man is looking for some easy ways to set the mood, steer him in the direction of my Emily & Tony Aromatherapy Massage Candles. They start off as beautiful, fragrant candles that melt down into a luxurious massage oil that can be used all over the body.


During: Make Sure You Come First

This is just Good Lover 101: Women should always get theirs first. The fact of the matter is, the majority of men reach orgasm from sex 85% of the time — not a sure thing, but still pretty likely. Ladies, on the other hand, only reach orgasm somewhere around 62% of the time. Factor in the significant differences in the time that it takes each gender to get there (7-9 minutes for men versus 20 – 40 minutes for women), and you have got a significant gap in male and female arousal. So how do you bridge it?

I firmly believe that every woman is responsible for her own orgasm, but your partner should absolutely be doing his part to help get you there, and foreplay is one of the best ways to do this. Before his penis even comes into play, he should be using his mouth, hands, and any other tools at his disposal (like the Magic Wand Rechargeable AKA the orgasmic “sure thing”) to bring you close, if not all the way, to climax.

Once the sex starts, there are other things your man can be doing to extend the session long enough for you to climax. He can use slower, deeper movements that will stimulate you without getting him too excited, he can employ the stop-and-start method, or he can use a topical delay spray like Promescent, which enables him to control his ejaculation and last up to twice as long!


After: Take Care of Your Needs

As any woman can attest to, those moments right after sex can be pretty uncomfortable. There are certain things every lady needs following intercourse: She needs to clean up, she needs to use to the restroom, and she probably needs water. While your dude’s first instinct is most likely to roll over and go to sleep, these moments following a sex can be a pivotal in determining what kind of a lover he will be. Will he succumb to his body’s desire to pass out, or will he be a gentleman and fetch his sex partner a wet towel, some clothes and a glass of water?

To men, this might seem a little over the top, but it really makes a difference for your overall sexual experience. These small gestures save you the struggling of fumbling around for clothes in the dark, then making the mad dash from his room to the bathroom and kitchen, thus running the risk of getting lost or awkwardly running into roommates.

Emily always says that foreplay starts after the last orgasm, but this rule should definitely include aftercare as well. After all, you just gave this guy the gift of sexual enjoyment — the least he could do is make sure you are clean, comfortable, and hydrated post roll in the hay.

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