5 Lesbian Sex Stereotypes Debunked for Better Lady Lovin’

First thing’s first, lesbian sex is sex, is sex, is sex— nuanced for each person, relationship, and occasion. Lesbian sex can entail mutual masturbation or oral sex. It can be a festive polyamorous party or an old married couple doing their best to keep the flames of desire aglow after the kids go off to college.  Every woman and trans-woman, regardless if she identifies as boi, butch, alpha, bi, unicorn, diesel, lipstick, queer, or another “type,” carries with her the same complex sexuality and sensuality all females share. Since the dawn of human sexuality studies, one fact about a woman’s desire remains constant… it’s always changing.

This doesn’t mean that women are picky or unsure of themselves; it means they are fluid, multi-faceted beings who look to give and receive pleasure in a myriad of ways.

Yet, time and time again, I find the media and the market place (if they have any information at all) looking to basic generalities or common stereotypes when it comes time to offer options for lesbian lovers. Not all stereotypes are bad per se, but they’re limiting. Women need to remember that their same-sex loving knows no bounds! Unless of course you want to get into some BDSM, spank you very much.

Here are 5 of the most common lesbian sex stereotypes peppered with sexy advice and erotic ways to debunk them.


The “Same Equipment” Predicament:

We all know vaginas are like snowflakes, but being a lady who likes other ladies, lesbians are expected to automatically know how to perfectly navigate their partner’s body. Or, it’s assumed that female lovers, considered to be stereotypically more verbal, will have a deep discussion in the tub one night while listening to Enya and talk to each other in great detail about what each person wants. But no. That’s not how it always goes down.

So how do you stay communicating about getting what you want while also paying attention to your partner’s desires? Allow your communication methods to be as diverse as your desires. Have a pre-game chat about what turns you and your partner on. Maybe let the talk get a little dirty and transition into foreplay. Be verbal, and use directives like “yes, stay there,” “more” or “slower,” as navigation for your partner to continue with what she’s doing or if she needs to change things up. If you’re tongue-tied in the midst of pleasure, use body language, sounds or your hands to verbalize your pleasure. Your partner will love knowing how she’s turning you on, and hopefully she’ll also take your lead and be just as forthcoming as you.


“Girl on Girl” is Always Super Hot:

Over the last few years, there’s been a perennial headline reporting that lesbians are having more and better orgasms than their heterosexual friends. There’s no doubt in my mind this is true, and if sex was a competition, then let the reigning champs reign! But, go figure, sex is not a competition and worrying about whether your sex life lives up to some preset standard won’t do any good for its actual state. Everyone can sometimes feel her sex life is wanting, but with the stereotype that lesbian sex is always hot, it can limit the conversation on how to spice things up.

Here are two quick ideas to get your creative juices flowing…

Role Play- if you and your partner are falling into a sexual rut, ask her if she would be down for some naughty role play games. If she says yes, surprise her with a naughty nurse costume or sexy teacher ensemble, anything your fantasy entails. Or, forget the outfit completely and simply start acting/speaking as the seductive character you want to embody. Often, words and actions can be enough to transport you both to sexy fantasy land.

BDSM- one of the best ways for queer and lesbian women to break free from a lover rut, is to add in some bondage play. Sportsheets offers a wide array of kinky accouterments, from blindfolds to ball gags, but consider something more unique like the Sportsheets Under the Bed Restraint System or Bondage Bar. Restraints such as these elevate the dominant/submissive play to a whole new level. By adding a spreader bar or wrist restraints, any basic blindfold, favorite toy or feather tickler takes on a whole new life. They feel comfortable and erotic for the wearer, but are incredibly visually arousing for the partner in control.


Only Lesbian Toys Shall Do:

Recently, toy designs have become very avant garde and much more multi-purpose. The great thing about this is that we’re no longer regulated to rubber dildos or a jelly made rabbit. These new shapes bring greater ambiguity of what is for whom and where might it go. EXCELLENT NEWS! You get to be the ones to decide. Look for designs you find enticing, materials you love the feel of, and vibrations that will make you and your girl want to rush right home and get naked.

One toy that is often seen as a “male” toy but is phenomenal for female play is The Tryst by Doc Johnson. It was celebrated as an award winning c-ring, but this multi-erogenous zone device is easy to maneuver with your peace fingers. You can surround the clit with powerful vibrations or get pin-point stimulation. You can use the Tryst on nipples, neck or vulva as you tease your partner. Being a silicone toy, it can also be inserted with a little JO Salted Carmel Gelatto Lubricant, a water based lube that tastes so good, you will be eager to lick it up.


Strap it On, Strap it On:

Using a harness and penetrating toy is more than just throwing one on and humping away. For one thing, many of the harnesses are (to put it nicely) hideous, unflattering, and downright uncomfortable. Never fret! There are prettier options on the market that come in a variety of sizes like the Sportsheets Corset Style harness. We can’t forget the lovely wearer also deserves to have as much orgasmic pleasure as her female counterpart. One way to ensure a blissful climax is to insert a small vibe into your harness base, panty liner, or vagina. The Wish by We-Vibe is a perfect size and shape to start out with because it can hit all parts of your vulva. With the added pressure of the harness, the vibrations will feel uh-ma-zing.


Scissor Me Timbers:

Of course we can’t have a lesbian sex article without covering “scissoring” right? Well… yes and no. The stereotype is that scissoring is the preferred method and position for lesbian and queer women. This is not true. While some women enjoy the iconic vulva rubbing, or tribbing, it really comes down preference and circumstance. Things like the partner you’re with, lubrication, toys, your level of stamina for the day, or what you happen to be in the mood for are all determining factors on whether scissoring will be apart of your sex life.

So no, this is not the holy grail of lesbian sex. It’s just another position like doggie-style, or a sex act like finger stimulation. One way to take this “classic” lesbian activity to a new orgasmic height is to get your hands involved at the same time. Reaching your fingers down to stimulate your and/or your darling’s clit will definitely make the rub a little sweeter. And if you really want to spice it up, add in the G-Ring Finger Vibe by Fun Toys. You’ll be on the brink of orgasm before you can say, “blue is the warmest color…”


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