5 Mistakes Men Make in Bed (& How To Fix Them)
So let’s be honest: Every man wants to believe that he is incredible in bed. You want that feeling of accomplishment, that gold star on your sexual resume, that hushed whisper between ex-lovers: “He was THE BEST I’ve ever had”. You want to know that when you roll yourself over for the classic post-sex “Was it good for you?” that your partner’s resounding YES was 100% the real deal.
Unfortunately for men, women are much better at handing out empty compliments and “job well done”s than we are at offering constructive criticism. Meaning that you could be walking around with that extra swagger in your step, without any idea of what you might be doing wrong (or how to fix it, for that matter).
Lucky for you, I’m not afraid to hit you with the hard facts: There are certain areas that a lot of men tend to stumble over. So if you really want to knock it out of the park, sexually speaking, allow me to offer a few helpful and totally uncensored pointers. From jumping the gun with dirty talk to not knowing what to do with your hands, here are five common mistakes that you may make in bed, and how to overcome them.
1. “Digging For Change”
Okay guys, that mysterious opening down there? It is a vagina, not a change purse, and you are attempting to give her an orgasm, not searching for quarters to put in the parking meter.
When it comes to manually stimulating a woman, rest assured: there is a rhyme and reason. You are not in high school anymore, and there is no excuse for fumbling around in there. If a guy doesn’t know how to use his hands, women assume that he won’t know how to use his other appendages very well either. Also, if you dive in there and start rooting around without any technique or knowledge of what you are doing, you could actually end up hurting her. That’ll put a quick stop to things, before they have even technically gotten started.
Advice: Learn the female anatomy. Know where things are and how to reach them before you go thrusting away like you’re trying to jiggle a gumball free from a gumball machine. Start off slow and gentle, and don’t be afraid to ask her what she likes. She will 100% thank you for it.
2. Too Dirty, Too Fast
We get it: You watch a lot of porn. It is no secret that the bulk of what young guys learn about sex, they get from the porn they’ve watched. This leads them to believe that if they’ve seen it in porn, it translates to real life, right? WRONG. So when you’re getting hot and heavy with a girl you don’t know that well, and you’re enjoying yourself, and suddenly you let loose with a “Yeah, take it all you dirty slut”. Chances are, it is not going to go over well.
Dirty talk is one of those things that needs to be addressed beforehand. You don’t know this woman. She could have self esteem issues, she could be sensitive, or she could be totally into it, but do you really want to take the chance and risk ruining a pretty good romp?
Advice: If you really like talking dirty, bring it up with your partner before the sex starts. Find out what she is comfortable with, and what her limits are. That way you can ensure that you both will have a good time, and save yourself some awkward moments.
3. Hello My Name Is: Jack Hammer
Same problem as above: Porn is not real life, fellas. When you see that greased-up guy on the screen thrusting at 60mph, he is acting. In real life, this is not only not pleasurable – it’s a downright waste of energy.
Yes, thrusting like a power tool may feel good for you, but when it comes down to it, it is almost like you are jacking yourself off, only with her vagina instead of a hand. For the girl on the other end of your seizure-like thrusts, it’s actually kind of boring. She’s planning her outfit for tomorrow, wondering what happened on The Bachelor, and basically thinking of anything else but her abused lady parts.
Advice: If masturbatory sex is what you’re looking for, invest in a Fleshlight. If you want to have sex with a human, and have her feel like a part of it, too- SLOW DOWN. Move with her. Try matching the motion of the ocean, rather than the motion of a hummingbird in flight. Find that groove that hits her sweet spot, and don’t stop until she’s shaking (in the good way).
4. Backdoor Stranger
Let me tell you from experience, nothing kills the mood quicker than a guy knocking at your backdoor without announcing himself first. Whether you are purposely migrating in that direction or have just lost your way, if she is not cool with anal play, then it is going to put a major damper on the evening.
Anal sex, like dirty talk, is not something that should be thrown into the mix without discussing it first. Imagine if the shoe was on the other foot: You’re doing your thing, enjoying yourself, and then “BAM”- she wanders into an area that is definitely “No Trespassing”. How would you react? Probably not well.
Advice: If anal sex is something you’re interested in exploring, it needs to be addressed beforehand, or you may run the risk of freaking her out. That way, when the time does come to start splashing around in uncharted waters, she will be relaxed and able to get into it.
5. Not Using Your Time Wisely
Let’s take a moment to discuss the orgasm gap. I know you’ve heard it, time-and-time again: Women take around 15 to 20 minutes to cross that orgasmic finish line, while men tend to hit that mark at five or six. Being able to orgasm at the speed of light might not hinder your experience, but it might lead your partner to decide to take her sexual needs to a battery operated device.. Leaving you in a race against your right hand.
Advice: Double up on the foreplay. We get it, for you foreplay is like the previews of a movie, and sex is the feature presentation. The previews are nice, and all of that, but given the opportunity you will fast-forward through those previews every single time to get to the main event..
Herein lies the issue: Women LOVE the previews. Often times, it’s the previews that get us excited for the movie itself. Many times, we don’t even reach full enjoyment from the feature film if we didn’t get our sneak peek of what’s to come. And when the feature film isn’t so much a feature as it is a short film.. Well those previews become even more influential on our overall experience.
Now you can always buy yourself a little more time by using Promescent, an FDA-approved delay spray that helps you to last longer during sex. But none of that will make a difference if you don’t put that extra time to good use. Pay extra attention to what she likes and make every minute count!