5 reasons you’re bad in bed

I don’t care if your penis isn’t super-sized or if you can’t last forever. Some of the worst sex of my life has been with dudes with big penises, and even bigger egos. I regrettably lay beneath his sweaty body– clitoris untouched– while he endlessly pumps away.  When God will it end?  

Sound familiar ladies?

Without further adieu, gentleman this is why you’re bad in bed:

 

 

1. You forget about foreplay

There’s nothing more anticlimactic than swooning over a boy all night just to have him rip off your clothes and instantly stick his penis inside you. Most women not only enjoy foreplay, but need it to get aroused before sex. Next time, lovingly kiss her and caress her breasts before sticking it in.

 

2. You don’t go down on her enough

Poking your head between her legs and giving her clitoris a few weak licks isn’t going to cut it. (Especially if she just spent an hour with your penis down her throat).

I don’t care if you can’t get it up to save your life, you orgasmed after ten seconds, or your penis shriveled up inside of you. You’re not defeated yet if you can successfully go down on a woman.

Here are some helpful tips if you have no clue what you’re supposed to do down there. (Don’t be embarrassed, most men fall into this category but would never admit it).

  • Don’t go straight for the clitoris. Even though it seems counterintuitive, start licking on the outside of the vulva and work your way in.
  • When you begin licking the clitoris, start softly and focus on the clitoral hood, located just above the clitoris (that little pink bump is the god of female pleasure and your only hope for redemption).
  • For your licks– at first alternate between wide licks and smaller licks on and around the clitoris. As she becomes more aroused, suck her clitoris into your mouth and rapidly flick your tongue across it (I’m getting turned on just writing this).
  • If she’s aroused and by some miracle you’re doing something right– keep doing it. This is not the time to get ambitious and try out something new. Even if you’ve lost all feeling in your tongue and you’re experiencing violent neck spasms–keep doing what you’re doing until she (hopefully) orgasms.

 

3. You only have Jackrabbit sex

While I appreciate your enthusiasm, the last thing I want is your penis darting in and out of me like a pogo stick.  The old-in-out does wonders for your penis, and absolutely nothing for her clitoris. The clitoris has 8,000 nerve endings (twice that of your penis). However, most men stick to sex positions that don’t even graze the thousands of pleasure nerves at their fingertips. If you want to stimulate her clitoris, and trust me you do, you’re going to have to slow down and sacrifice having sex like a jackrabbit. Try woman on top or CAT position for more clitoral stimulation. You can also rub her clitoris with your fingers during sex or use a vibrator. If you think vibrators are crutches for sexually inadequate men, you’re letting your ego get the best of you, and you’re probably the person who needs that vibrator the most.

 

4. You’re so scared of doing anything wrong, you don’t do anything at all

Sex is awkward. Two naked bodies with pubes and protruding flesh, bouncing around and making strange noises. Something is bound to go wrong, and no amount of caution will save you from the awkwardness that is sex. Don’t let this fear of failure prohibit you from having passionate sex. By passion I don’t mean aggression, although I must admit I like being thrown around and told what to do on occasion (but if you try to tell me what to do outside the bedroom, you’re done for).

True passion involves setting aside your insecurities and allowing yourself to be open to the sexual experience. It means having confidence, even if you’re not always sure what goes where.

While your lack of biting, licking, and butt slapping might make you boring, your lack of passion make you impotent, no matter how long your penis stays erect.

5. You care more about your performance than her pleasure

In the end, many men are bad in bed because they are trying to satisfy their ego more than they are trying to satisfy the person they are having sex with.  Your partner’s orgasm becomes more about validating your own sexual prowess than about your pleasure. If you’re a sex slave to your ego you will be far too busy thinking about yourself to clearly see what the other person really wants. Male ego-driven sex often means buying into the myth that everything needs to be bigger, faster, and longer. But perhaps what she really needs is for you to slow down and ask her what she likes, instead of assuming that you should already know. A confident man who genuinely wants to please women will ask for directions, and probably get her there a hell of a lot sooner because of it.