6 Sex Stereotypes That Seriously Need to Go in 2018
Technology and seemingly everything else is advancing and evolving everyday, but there’s one thing that tends to lag more than the rest: the way we think about sex.
That’s not to say nothing has progressed; gay marriage is legal in all 50 states, and we’ve come a long way in the exploration and acceptance of all kinds of kinky new things. However, we haven’t come far enough, and sometimes, it’s the simplest of ideas that hold us back.
Sexual stereotypes have been around forever, and although many are able to see past them, some still find themselves hung-up on an age-old belief that simply isn’t true.
Here are a few of the most common sex stereotypes and why you need to let go of them once and for all.
Men always want sex
If you’ve been married or in a relationship for a long period of time, you know from personal experience that this stereotype simply isn’t true. Personally, my husband needs to be thoroughly aroused before our sexy time can commence. And you know what? So do I. Not every man is hardwired to think about and want sex 24/7, and this belief is actually hurting men when they are in the bedroom.
The pressure from society for men to be able to turn it on whenever they want can actually emasculate them, making them feel like inadequate lovers when they can’t. Factors like alcohol, stress, fatigue, diet, and hormones affect men just like they do women. In fact, I’m convinced my husband even goes through his own monthly cycle of raging hormones and emotions just like us women do (sorry, babe). Sometimes men, just like women, simply aren’t in the mood; that’s no reason for anyone to shame their partner just because the movies tell us that men are constantly standing at the ready, balls in hand.
Women are never in the mood
On the flip, society has painted a woman’s sex life as an objective purpose. Highlighted, primped, plucked, and fully shaven for the sole person of appeasing or pleasuring her male counterpart. This belief has gone as far as limiting what we learn in school or from our parents about women’s sexuality, and has stunted the open discussion of normalities, like masturbation. I didn’t reveal to a single soul that I masturbated until I was 25. 25! And, perhaps the saddest part of all was that I thought I was the only girl in the world who masturbated and that others would think I was a nympho or – seemingly worse – just weird
Women have needs just like men do, and some women have a bigger libido than their partners. There’s no shame in this. You wanting sex does not mean you are slutty or weird. It means you’re human. What do people think lesbian and bisexual women do? Knit?
Men are the dominant ones who initiate sex and women don’t have to do anything
If you watch any modern movie, you’ll see how we’re finally starting to get away from this idea, but there are still people who believe that men should take charge and be in control in the bedroom, and the only thing that women have to bring to the party is their bodies. This is wrong on a number of levels, with the most obvious being that it takes two to tango. And, believe it or not, plenty of men actually enjoy playing the submissive role.
What’s more, if you leave it up to the man to always initiate sex, it can leave him feeling neglected and insecure about how much their partner actually wants sex. It’s healthy for both partners to initiate sex, and in the dating world, lots of men actually prefer that a woman initiate a conversation because it takes some of the pressure off of them. The mentality that men always initiate everything – whether it be sex, a kiss, or a phone call – can prevent you from enjoying a fulfilling romantic life.
If a straight guy likes anal play or sex, he’s not actually straight
This one makes me laugh a little, just because of the naivety behind it. Men like butts. Straight men, gay men, bisexual men… they all like butts. And why wouldn’t they? So, if a very, very straight man is into anal play or even pegging, why would this be seen as anything other than his own preference? The prostate is akin to the female’s g-spot, so it’s no wonder why more and more men are becoming interested in anal exploration.
Good sex is effortless
Lots of people think that if there’s sexual chemistry, then good sex is a given. But like all of the other stereotypes mentioned, this simply isn’t true. You can be madly in love with someone and still not be completely satisfied in the bedroom. This has nothing to do with your feelings for that person, and everything to do with one simple fact: we aren’t mind readers. No matter how much you care for someone, there’s no way of knowing what they want or like in the bedroom. Luckily for everyone, sexual chemistry is something that can be learned.
There’s no right way to have sex, and every person you’re with is going to want something different and provide a new experience in the bedroom. Be open to exploring what turns your partner on, especially if you’re having consistent sex with one person. Life’s too short for bad sex!
Men are responsible for providing the contraception
At the end of the day, you can’t rely on anyone else for your own sexual health and wellbeing. This means that despite the stigma, carrying condoms and being prepared is one of the smartest things you can do. In fact, 88% of people who use condoms are more satisfied with their sex lives compared to those who don’t use condoms. Plus, wearing a condom can help the man last longer, which works to close the orgasm gap for women that we talked about earlier. And, with STDs running rampant among young people, taking a risk and not using a condom just isn’t worth it.
Any person, regardless of gender or orientation, is responsible for carrying their own protection. At the end of day, you can’t count on anyone but yourself, so you might as well be prepared.
So, if you were someone who believed these stereotypes, you’ve just opened yourself up to a whole new perspective.