6 Ways to Make Your LDR Work
Some couples can barely go a few hours without seeing each other, but if you’ve been/are in a long distance relationship (LDR), you know the icy pain of real yearning, craving, and thirst. Whether it’s days, weeks, or months, being apart from your significant other for an extended period of time is hard.
You can’t smell their skin, taste their lips, hear their heart, feel their breath on your neck, or see into their eyes. You don’t realize how precious those basics are until they are gone. Then, when they are gone, thoughts take their place– scary, unsettling thoughts.
But don’t fret! There are a few tricks for your LDR to make it work.
Just like any relationship, communication is key, and in a LDR– it’s vital. Talk to each other throughout the day. I’m not saying have your nose in front of a screen 24/7, (you both have lives, you know), but let the convo carry on with check-ins. Text each other how work is going, what that crazy co-worker said, if you’re going out with friends, or if you stubbed your toe. On the receiving end, make an effort to be interested even if you might actually not be.
It’s very important to tell your significant other that you love them and miss them regularly, yet randomly. Maybe right before they wake up or when you know they are on their commute home. Do this without any expectations in return. Also, know each other’s “love languages” because everybody needs love in different ways. Someone might need to hear those three words regularly, while others might find it suffocating. Another might say it by sending a video of their child, or from a well curated meme. Know what your partner needs and make an effort to fulfill that need.
Give Them The BOTD
When you are apart for a long amount of time, your imagination begins to run wild. A missed call or text could give any strong person anxiety if you’re an over-thinker. You love this person, and (hopefully) trust this person, so give them the benefit of the doubt. Believe that they love you, that they don’t want to do anything to hurt you or the relationship. Most of the time, the real reason they couldn’t take your scheduled call is never the terrible thing we’re thinking in our heads. Take a step back and look at your own life– haven’t you missed a text or call here and there due to something completely innocent? Don’t lose trust with distance, trust is what holds you together.
Boundaries and Planning
Discuss what each of you are okay with while you are separated. Do you let each other know when you’re going out or who you’re going to be with? What’s the longest you can go without the other checking in? Do you have a specific date night? What if you’re in an open relationship? Setting agreeable boundaries will give you peace of mind. Along with boundaries, comes proper planning as well.
It is always good to hear your love’s voice, and even better to see their face, so plan times for phone calls and FaceTime. This gives you something small and simple to look forward to– like an actual date! Although, don’t forget about the gift of a spontaneous call. Also, plan the next time you’ll see each other. This will get you through those lonely nights more than you think because you know exactly when you’ll see them again. Have a little countdown, express your excitement, and most importantly, talk about what you are going to do (and do to each other) when you’re finally reunited.
In LDRs, the little things really matter. The “good morning” and “goodnight” texts, the expression of gratitude for the other person, and of course, pictures. The small stuff can really make a huge difference. Be excited for you S/O’s accomplishments no matter how small. When she gets a haircut, when he finally fixed his car problem, promotions, raises– all those things are worth being excited about. Don’t only be excited, but be supportive, too.
In my opinion, this is of the utmost importance. Talking dirty to each other keeps the lust as well as the love alive. Dirty talk shows your significant other you are still pining for them and want to be intimate with them (who doesn’t want that). Text each other what you want to do to each other. Maybe you want to trace your lips from her neck down her body, or you want him to rub up between your thighs. Play off each others turn ons, even if it is not exactly what gets your hips gyrating. You’ll be surprised at how how hot it is when your partner is about to burst over you. Another great way to get dirty is sending naughty photos. Send your partner a picture of their favorite part of your body, you in their favorite outfit, and, if you really trust them, playing with yourself– with a little note “thinking of you.”
One of my favorite ways to get dirty is mutual masturbation through FaceTime. To some, this may sound incredibly awkward and uncomfortable, but believe me once you get going, it’s like riding a rollercoaster of pleasure. As you’re starting up, you may be second guessing yourself, but once you start getting turned on, you’ll forget your insecurities and give in to the pleasure that awaits you. If you want to take this a step further, check out We-Vibe’s products. Your partner can take control of your masturbation by syncing up the toy to their We-Connect app. One of my favorite features about the app is not only does your phone become the controller, but it also allows you to text or video chat as well!
Alternative LDR Practices
I personally believe the reason I have a successful LDR is because it’s an open relationship. I love it because I have my significant other, but I am also able to get my physical needs satisfied, and vis versa. Yes, this does add a different challenge to the relationship, but also takes away from the paranoia of cheating and lack of intimate touch. This is where clear boundaries are absolutely necessary.
My boyfriend and I love to keep each other involved on our dates. We always let the third party know of our situation, we text each other throughout the date, I always wear something he’s bought for me, and he loves to FaceTime me if I’m seeing a woman. We’ve also agreed not to spend the night with anyone, or see the same person regularly. Many people tell me they could never see their S/O with another person, but that’s what setting boundaries are for. If the “don’t ask, don’t tell” method works for you, then by all means, you do you.
Both monogamous and open LDRs take a lot of work, trust, and communication. You have to find ways to cope with inevitable feelings of jealousy and loneliness. Try to turn those negatives into positives and look at it as a way for you to grow stronger as a couple. I strongly believe absence makes the heart grow fonder. When your S/O is gone for extended periods, you realize how much they mean to you. Then, when you do see each other, it’s all the the more sweet, because you’ve waited so long. In fact, you may never leave the bedroom.