7 Ways to Strip the Casual Sex Stigma
Let’s talk about casual sex. When I first sat down to write this article, I imagined the premise would be all about not taking casual sex too seriously. The plan was to whip up an editorial on letting go of shame and guilt in order to prime our darling readers for a wild ride of right swipes and sexy stranger games. But as I began my research, learning how so many people are sincerely conflicted about the topic of casual sex, I began taking the topic much more seriously. And honestly, I think we all should…
But hold up.
Taking something seriously is not the same as getting twisted about it. The only way to release the shame and the guilt imposed by social norms, well-meaning (yet, super judgmental) friends, or even our own inner critic, is to shake off the notion that casual sex is a senseless frivolity. What we need to do is let it become an exalted pastime of engaging in pleasure. Real pleasure. Ride of your life, lip biting, white-knuckle-grip pleasure, that reminds you that passion is serious business.
Hackneyed phrases like “hook up culture” or “Netflix and chill” need to stop because they undermine modern lovers. There’s no rule saying that a short dalliance or impromptu escapade is any less loving, erotic, or orgasmic than any other type of sex. The fact is… sex is what you make of it, so make it good.
Here are a few ways to drop the stigma, release the guilt, and make your casual sex seriously good.
Remember, It’s Your Choice:
Like any truly sexy conversation, let me start this out with a declaration of consent and a reminder that you reserve the right to change your mind at any time. If you aren’t feeling it with your potential casual sex bedmate, then shut it down. You’re no less passionate or sexy for deciding you don’t want to have sex with someone.
When you remind yourself that casual sex is your choice, two great things happen. One, you can choose not to go for it, confident in your decision. Two, you can choose to get down and dirty with someone and stand proud for honoring yourself. But remember, whatever your choice is, only you can decide what’s right for you. No take-backs or shaming yourself. You’re a sexy adult making good choices and you can choose differently any time.
It’s important to enjoy romanticizing the notion of casual sex, but it’s also important to be pragmatic about sexual safety. Always carry protection, like SKYN Condoms, bone up on birth control, and know in advance what your boundaries are. The heat of the moment can do crazy things to our brains; so don’t let passion catch you off guard. Keep your condoms at the ready.
Seize the Moment:
When you find yourself in the company of someone you instantly click with, who turns you on in ways you never thought possible, and ignites your body with delight… do yourself a favor and carpe the diem out of that person. Big exclamations about “living in the moment” and “dance like no one is watching” are best applied to situations with palpable sexual tension. Ride the wave, do the thing, make out in the rain and go back to your place. These moments don’t need to last forever in order to be meaningful. The meaning comes from how you feel about it. If you arbitrarily interrupt the course of passion in order to assert a half-hearted denial, you might miss the moment. As a sexual adult, you deserve the freedom to honor your instincts and trust your desires. Remember the inspirational quote, “Have sex like no one is judging…” said by me.
The Traveling Orgasm:
If you travel often (or ever), casual sex is a great way to meet new people and submerse yourself in your getaway. TSA won’t bat an eye when you board a flight with a tasty travel-sized tube of System JO water based lube. Conversely, if they give you side-eye, you can smile and remind yourself that you’re probably going to have great out-of-town sex, so to hell with ’em! If you’re traveling for work, then it’s also an exciting way to destress after your morning of meetings (and you’re getting paid). Plus hotel sex is the hottest sex!
Animalistic By Nature:
As societal humans, we can make good choices, practice safe sex, and enjoy room service– basically live our lives. At the end of the day, though, we’re animals with primordial biological urges. As in, we are inherently and carnally designed to have sex whenever we choose. Lay off your biology and stop trying to berate it into guilt-laden submission. It’s amazing how many stimuli go into triggering your erotic response so breathe in those pheromones and enjoy!
Your Rules, Your Game:
When you take your casual sex seriously, you can engage in thoughtful decision making. We established the importance of empowering your choice, but spend a little time determining the nuances of what casual sex means to you and what you like about it or don’t really care for. If the idea of having sex with someone you just met isn’t your jam, but a standing Wednesday afternoon delight with your neighbor is, then you know who to do! You can decide if casual sex is more about practicing your orgasmic craft, playing out fantasies, or a clever way to vet potential long-term partners. The rules are entirely up to you, so make it fun and empowering.
Vibe Well Together:
Sometimes when we think of casual sex, we think of the late night booty call or quintessential one-night-stand. Both of which are usually seen in movies and TV with a lot of passion, but no fun toys or lube or anything. Just because you are hot for your casual sex partner doesn’t mean you should skip over vibrators or other bedroom accessories. Keep a little G Ring in your purse or bedside table, so you or your partner can add some good vibrations to the mix. Your silicone finger vibe should be like you… charged, ready to go, and up for clitoral stimulation at a moment’s notice.
Do Unto Others:
Hopefully by now, you’re feeling really good about all the ways you can embrace casual sex and be empowered by it. But there’s one final note to make your casual sex seriously amazing. Be a damn good lover. Remember, you’re not the only one engaging in the tryst. Coming into it feeling confident and stigma-free is important, but you can bring so much more to the table… or bed, floor, locker room or wherever it is you crazy kids decide to do it. To be a seriously good casual sex-er you need to be honest and open. Ask your partner what they want and make sure you are both on the same page. Be giving and adoring. You don’t need to know someone for long to know that they deserve love and respect. Love isn’t always a “til death do us part” kind of thing. You can be loving to someone even if you aren’t “in love” with them. Try not to ghost, front, or be weird in any way. Be willing to see where it goes… Sometimes something casual can lead to something serious.
Slowly, but surely, the world is warming up to the idea that sex is not something we should be negative about, regardless of what kind of sex it is, and with who. However, the only way to hit fast forward on the sex positive remote control is to start tearing down the stigmas. Look past the taboos, stop the judgement, and just let people enjoy themselves and each other in the ways they want. Whether you’re up for casual sex or not, the decision is yours and no one has a say in it. Own it, and be proud of the sexy person you are!