Ask Emily- “Help. I’m afraid of sex!”

scared of sex blog sex with emily
scared of sex blog sex with emily

Photo by Alexandra Gorn on Unsplash

Dear Emily,

So my issue is I am afraid of sex!
 
I was raised to believe that sex before marriage is a TERRIBLE sin, and I’m stuck with associating sex, in general, with feelings of shame and guilt. 
 
I don’t even want to think about marriage until I’m at least 25, which seems way too old to still be a virgin! I’m worried that when I actually get serious with a guy I won’t be able to get over these feelings of shame and fear. Please help!
 
Sincerely, 
Lucy

 

Dear Lucy,

Given your situation, it’s no surprise that you’re afraid to have sex. Honestly, I would be afraid too! But there is no reason to feel shame for wanting to have sex before marriage. On the contrary, it’s completely natural! You body is designed to feel sexual pleasure. There is nothing wrong with that!

Sex is simple biology and we’re all wired for it. As you get older, Remember to be safe about exploring your sexuality and lose your virginity with someone you feel comfortable with. At the same time, don’t pressure yourself to have sex before you’re ready. Release yourself from all preconceived notions and ideas you have about sex and give yourself a chance to have authentic sexual experiences. 

 
The things we’re told as we’re growing up shape our adult lives. However, you do not have to be stuck with the shame you were taught. You recognize that these are your parents ideas about sex, not yours.
After all, you’re writing to me and not a priest *wink wink.*The guilt you associate with sex will not go away overnight. Perhaps you might want to see a therapist to talk openly about your fears and sort through them. Actually, it can be very helpful to have someone there to process your thoughts and feelings about your upbringing and your sexuality. 
 
Just remember, you’re legally an adult now and are capable of making your own decisions about your body. Venture out into the adult world with an open heart, and try not to let your fears about sex or anything else get in the way of fully experiencing your life. Check in with your self and your desires often, and communicate honestly with any partner you may want to have a sexual relationship with. 
 
You can do it!
 

xx,

Emily

 
 
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