Alternative August: Pleasure Anyway You Want It
August is a great month. Even though the heat can be staggering and there are no major holidays, August is Alternative Sex month. This very sexy theme is basically an open invitation to explore you and your partner’s unique desires in any and every way possible. Alternative Sex month is also a great way to rally around awareness about alternative sex in general. For many people, alternative sex is their everyday choice for sexual expression. But while “Alternative Sex” month sounds immediately amazing, it’s still a relatively new terminology and monthly festivity. To kick off the month, Sex with Emily wants to give you the inside scoop on what alternative sex is all about. The why, what, hows and wows we outline here will help you embrace alternative sex in its many forms!
Alternative sex is often thought of as “alternative to sex” which is completely valid, but not the hard and fast rule. For some, these alternatives are specifically a response to not having intercourse. This can be the result of what mainstream society would deem as alternative choices or abilities that make heteronormative intercourse challenging (even impossible) for people and their partners to engage in. Fortunately, there are many arousing ways to engage in sex without penis to vagina penetration.
Another star of the alternative sex show is anal. Especially in the month of August, which many consider to be Anal Sex Month, aptly called “Anal August.” Naturally, we at SWE are all about a month of anal, but we’ve decided to take it up a notch… hence Alternative Sex month aka “Alternative August.”
Last but certainly not least; we will be looking at alternative sex in relationship to alternative desires, the wonderfully kinky expressions of fetishistic loving. With great taboos comes great opportunity to break them. From panties to peeing, fetishes can vary immensely. Unfortunately, most people don’t know much about the world of fetish, which can make them question the object(s) of their own desires. We’ll get into that too, so you can learn to celebrate your own and/or your partner’s fetishes. Sexier still, you’ll learn to play around with and integrate fetish play even if you’re not tied to one particular fetish.
Now, enough foreplay, let’s get this Alternative Sex party started!
Alternative Sex & Sex Alternatives:
For most heterosexual couples, actual intercourse entails vaginal penetration, but the definition of sex really relies on a descriptive precursor (i.e. gay, lesbian, oral, etc.). However, even these terms can start to box us in. For example, sex for people with disabilities can take on many forms, which may or may not fit into any one category. When one or more partners are unable or unwilling to engage in a certain type of sex, then alternatives become a crucial part of expressing arousal, intimacy, affection and satisfaction. Others simply want to try something new, expanding their sexual horizons. Here a few of the alternatives and “non sex” acts that can satisfy you and your partner.
One of the most sensual things you can enjoy is masturbation. Sharing it with your partner can be a total turn on. You may be keeping your hands to yourself but your eyes should be all over them. Seeing and being seen is one of the things couples find most exciting about this type of alternative sex. Take it up a notch, and talk about how turned on you are to each other. Or, make it a game and whoever finishes first has to finish the other one off!
Often times, we rush through everything to get to sex– kissing, touching, licking. Even if we think we’re going at a steady pace, we don’t take enough time exploring each other’s erogenous zones. Maybe because this type of stimulation can be misconstrued as secondary to “sex” and regulated to a foreplay purgatory. But when we look at erogenous zones from the POV of alternative sex and non-sex, we can release the hurried linear approach to getting it on. To put it metaphorically, when you move the goal line or eliminate it altogether, the game can get a lot more fun! Spend time lavishing your lover with your fingers and tongue, maybe even a feather tickler if you have one. Which erogenous zones should you explore exactly? Breasts, nipples, lower abs, toes… try licking and sucking any or all and let us know how it goes.
Who cares if 2017 hasn’t brought us hover boards? The mind-blowing advancements in sex-tech are all you need for the ride of your life. As we all know, there’s an app for everything, and your orgasms are no exception. The We-Vibe “We Connect” App works alone or with a partner, even one who is hundreds of miles away. Not only does it work to control the vibrations of every We-Vibe product, it also lets you video chat with your partner, so you can send some naughty footage while you use your toys. If you and your partner are looking to play with alternative sex in the tech space, but don’t have the hurdles of distance and time zones in your way, try a remote controlled panty vibe like the OhMiBod with motion sensing Bluetooth. For real, the future is lit.
A fetish can be anything that serves a crucial role in the orgasmic process for any person, regardless of their gender or orientation. This fetish can be object desire or be related to a specific act. The act does not have to be considered typically sexual for the enjoyer to find it so. If we want to be sticklers, for something to be considered a true fetish, a person requires the object or act in order to achieve orgasm. In other words, the fetish purist would be unable to reach climax without their signifier. Naturally, we are willing to bend the rules a bit and look at a few of the more well known fetishistic desires to incorporate into Alternative Sex August. You may not need them in order to achieve orgasm, but sure can be fun to want them.
Whether you like watching or being watched, there’s a difference between looking at your love and watching them. Playing with the peek-a-boo taboo can be exhilarating for both the exhibitionist (the watchee) and the voyeur (the watcher). Feel free to play with switching roles. Be sure you talk to each other about this in advance to get consent and to make sure you’re both on the same page. For example, ask your partner if you can watch them in the shower as the water runs down their body. Or, surprise your partner with a striptease. Maybe even offer to tidy up the house in little to no clothing while your partner watches… Then again who doesn’t clean in their undies in August? It’s so hot!
This category includes so many things, from bondage to power play to sensation play. But for those of you not already keen to it, start off slow. Instead of having your lover tethered in leather, peel away their cotton t-shirt and lightly secure their arms over their head while you (the dominant in this scenario) lavish their body with your tongue. Panties left on or about the thighs and ankles can also be a gentle restraint.
August is also the perfect time to play around with different sensations. A little ice rubbed against the nipples, then met with the warmth of your mouth is an easy way to engage temperature play. Or use System JO Cool personal lubricant with a glass or stainless steel toy on your blindfolded partner. The Sex and Mischief satin blindfold is perfect for such play, it’s light and comfortable but still able to block out sights and light.
This is also perfect for anyone trying to be more dominant in bed. Have someone assume the dominant role and the other, the submissive. Now, dominance isn’t necessarily about control than it is authority and confidence. Start with giving demands like “up against the wall,” “bend over slowly so I can see,” or “tell me I’m a good girl.” Then, you can also reverse roles to change the experience. If you or your partner feel the dynamics or action are becoming more or different from what turns you on or feels good for you, have a safe word in place. This way, you and your partner know when it’s time to back off the fantasy… at least a little.
AKA Golden Showers. This fetishistic act that isn’t for everyone, but some truly enjoy it, (or at least curious to try it). Peeing on your partner or asking to be peed on, like any sexual act, must be between consenting adults who not only mutually agree to give it a go, but who are mutually interested and believe it will be pleasurable. This is not like agreeing to see a movie you’re not into– a Golden Shower is definitely not the time to be a people-pleaser. Even after you both agree to try it out, be sure to discuss where on the body the urine will go before downing a few cold ones and getting it on. Knowing the where is crucial. Nothing is ever a carte blanche when it comes to sex acts of any kind. Maybe one person is into a little on their feet, but splashing anywhere else on the body is a hard no. Knowing the specifics and honoring them are imperative to the enjoyment of any alternative sexing.
But if this is something that piques your curious arousal, then August is a great month to give it a go. It’s hot out, and for first timers, a cool shower is the best place to start your Golden Shower. Taking a waterproof vibe into the shower scenario is also a good idea. Incorporating other types of stimulation and sensation helps keep it from becoming awkwardly focused on peeing. Then of course, the shower makes clean up super easy.
The best part of Alternative Sex August is that we will continue to invite you to explore and offer suggestions on how to partake this month. At Sex with Emily, we know that great, satisfying sex is more than intercourse. We will keep this month’s theme peppered throughout our content as we celebrate Alternative Sex… but more importantly, as we celebrate you!
Stephanie Salyers is a writer and producer living in Los Angeles. Though she now works mostly in pop-culture and entertainment, she began her career as a sex educator, writing and conducting seminars for thousands of people across the U.S. For Stephanie, writing with the Sex with Emily team gives her the best of both worlds! For more from Stephanie, follow her on Instagram & Twitter…