How do I approach women?

approach women Dear Emily,

How do I approach women? Growing up in SF during the seventies was not great for a men’s sense of masculine self, hearing what “pigs” men are. I choke all the time, even when I know a woman is into me…It’s like the Clockwork Orange treatment.


Dear George,

Approach women even if you’re about to pee your pants you’re so nervous. Many men lament that they never get with women, but  never try to initiate conversations with them. It’s easier for men to make excuses like “women think all men are pigs,” than it is to put themselves out there and be proactive about getting dates. Instead of living in fear, join a hobby or group activity where interaction with new people is expected. If you want to avoid being perceived as a pig, practice using shrewd observations instead of lewd compliments when talking to women. Here’s an example:

Shrewd Observation: “I like your dress, it looks vintage.”

Lewd complement: “Your ass is looking fine in that dress”

You have a much better chance of starting an actual conversation if you’re specific and show interest in her as a person, and not just as an object of desire. Even if you don’t immediately comment on her physical appearance, if you use generic conversation starters she’ll assume you’re only talking to her because you want to get laid.

I know that it can be incredibly nerve-racking and tricky to approach women. She’s not always going to be wearing a T-shirt with your favorite band on it to easily facilitate conversation. But if you can’t be unique at least try to be relevant. Ask her opinion on something happening in the venue. If a somewhat familiar song starts playing on the radio, ask if she knows who the artist is. Ask her questions and really listen to what she has to say. Then respond just as if you’re talking to a friend. If she gives you short answers and is avoiding eye contact, respectfully end the conversation and introduce yourself to someone else. If things are going well, try to keep the conversation going as long as possible before asking her outTell her you’d love to continue talking to her, would she like to grab coffee sometime? It’s that simple. 

Remember, the worst thing that can happen when you approach women is you get rejected. Pick up the pieces of your broken heart, and try again. You’re not receiving a Clockwork Orange treatment, you’re just asking a woman to coffee. You can recover from rejection and try again with someone else. Unlike Anthony Burgess’s fictional character Alex, you have the free will to walk over to the woman at the coffee shop and say, “Hi. I couldn’t help but notice that you’re reading a Clockwork Orange. I love that book.”  Smile and see what happens. You’ll never know if you don’t put yourself out there.




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5 Discussion to this post

  1. A. says:

    This could have been a wonderful blog post, but you really don’t say anything to address his (and my) problem. He wasn’t asking for specific instructions on asking someone out once he’s decided to try. He was asking how he can learn to feel that it’s OK to try. There are many men out there who do not feel that it’s OK to try. And there’s often a lot more to worry about than rejection, such as ruining a social or professional relationship, or even damaging one’s reputation. How can we figure out when it’s OK to try — when we really don’t have anything more to worry about than rejection?

    • John says:

      If you need that much help she had also plugged Jason capital. He has great info, youtube channel and a proven formula. Google him

    • RC says:

      I think she addressed it here: “Even if you don’t immediately comment on her physical appearance, if you use generic conversation starters she’ll assume you’re only talking to her because you want to get laid.”

      Maybe it wasn’t completely explicit, but I think she addressed the concern. There are things that we as men do subconsciously that are maybe more apparent to women than they are to us. One of those things is coming off like we’re just trying to get laid, or treating a woman as simply an object of desire.

  2. Damaris says:

    If a guy said anything about my outfit looking vintage, I would assume he was more into fashion than girls but otherwise good advice. Act “As If” she’s already someone you are dating or have dated and it will be more natural to talk to her.

  3. Scott T says:

    Conmentor #1 – Emily can’t give you self esteem or permission. If she’s single & you’re not out to lunch w/a work associate, go for it. What do you have to lose? You might meet a bitch – so what you still get your answer. 90% of the time she’ll be polite even if sge says no thanks.

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