The Art of the Tease: Why Suspense is Hot in the Bedroom

You know it, you love it, and (in reality) you can’t live without it. That’s right, the name of today’s game is all about antici…


Straight out of Dr. Frank-N-Furter’s mouth, the art of anticipation has been one of humanity’s most trending topics long before Twitter was ever hatched.

Teasing to please, suspenseful seduction– however you phrase it, there are countless ways to do it.

In today’s world, we’ve been spoiled with “on-demand,” whether it’s instantaneous streaming, delivery apps, or dating for that matter. Some may struggle with the notion of prolonged gratification, so just trust us on this one; pleasure-fueled patience is in fact a voluptuous virtue. The one place this arguably lost form reigns supreme—the bedroom.

Whether it’s the early stages of flirting or the folds of longer-term relationships, the idea of suspense is everything. Sometimes it’s subtle, other times not, but harnessing the power of sexual tension overall can unlock sensations that heighten the experience unlike any other. Although we know things like kissing and touching are guaranteed groundwork before really getting down to business, it’s the much bigger concepts that leave us wondering…

Why is sexual suspense so hot?

Interest, allure and sheer magnetism play big roles in the essence of attraction. Of course they’re great on their own and yes, can certainly do the trick. But at the end of the day, why drink coffee black when sugar, spice and everything oh so nice can make a moment all the better?

Sex may be seen as the pinnacle of desire, but seduction is its formation. Since we know it to be the “ultimate” release, imagine everything that can come from giving intimacy a proper introduction…

Mental Stimulation = Sexual Revelation

Of all erogenous zones, the brain is the largest and most complex. Although it’s sometimes glossed over more than the lips of a ‘90s Spice Girl, the mind holds ultimate control of all our sexual experiences. So much before anyone even steps foot into the bedroom, let the climactic games begin!

Here enters foreplay: a warm-up that is not a suggestion, but a requirement that can be enjoyed by everyone. While there’s usually a spark to ignite the moment, foreplay is what really sets things ablaze.

Starting with soft, enticing moves is like planting a sensuous seed waiting to bloom. The initial act will hook your partner’s attention, but fleshing it out will reel them in for the long run. Whether it’s kisses so delicate they barely touch the skin, dressing down while your partner’s hands are tied behind their back, or kicking things off with an intimate massage caressing everywhere but the genitals, the temptation of what “isn’t, but could be” begins to take center stage.

They thought they wanted you before, but after a tease, just wait and see how much they want you now.

Bridging the Orgasm Gap

In the endless battle of otherwise swirling sexpectations also stands the infamous orgasm gap—a concept so tricky, it’s responsible for toils and troubles of heterosexual couples since time’s beginning.

Ok perhaps that’s a bit dramatic, but unfortunately not far from the truth. The gap itself is best explained as the physiological difference between how long it takes men and women to climax…i.e. an average of 5 versus 18 minutes, respectively. Along with this discrepancy, both sides still expect to be equally satisfied.

So here’s where the value of suspense comes back into play (see also: the only thing this gap is probably good for).

While some guys can go zero to 80 in a matter of moments, we’ve established gals need a bit more time to rev up. In the heat of the moment a lot is obviously going on, but if there’s one thing to keep in mind, it’s making a point to slow things down. Probably five times slower than you’d ordinarily think.

And since we know by now that anticipation is the ultimate catalyst of arousal, could a case for prolonging the sultry process be any more perfectly made?

Most definitely, we think not.


Alex Anderson is an LA-based lifestyle designer proactively raging against the cultural grain. By day she works in television production, and by night enjoys writing, sewing and seeking guidance from the stars. She will also one day have a Norwegian Forest Cat named “Cher”. You can follow her website ( and on Instagram (@AJAndMore)!

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