Ask Emily: How to (Gently) Introduce Rough Sex in Bed


Dear Emily,

Thanks for the sexual empowerment you offer to everyone. I have a question about introducing bondage and rough play with a new partner. How do you do it? I actually scared a guy recently when I asked him to choke me in bed. That is obviously not my future goal, so I’m hoping you can help me figure out a way to ease partners into it. Also, what’s the best way to tie someone up?

Thanks again for the great advice! I love your podcast.


Dear Kelsey,

First of all, I am so happy you brought up this topic. Beginning to experiment with rough sex isn’t always an easy thing to do. A lot of women are afraid to show their wild side to their partners, or to even explore the possibility that they might have one. Just the fact that you are in touch with exactly what you want and are willing to ask for it is an inspiration to us all.

Still, while you might be ready to try your hand at kinky sex, getting your partners on board is a different story entirely. Despite the ongoing 50 Shades of Grey hype and the curiosity it has encouraged, plenty of men out there are still intimidated by rough play. Think about it: Guys are told their entire lives that they need to treat women with respect. When all of the sudden they’re confronted with the request to choke their partners (or to get rough in another way), they don’t know how to handle it…

Now, that doesn’t mean that you should throw in the “rough stuff” towel. It just means that you might want to tread lightly when it comes to introducing the idea to someone new. Learn how to ease a new partner into the delicious world of rough play in my latest sex tip blog for Glamour, “Here’s How to (Gently) Introduce Rough Sex in Bed“… 


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