Ask Emily: How to Turn On Your Partner to Sex Toys
My boyfriend of almost two years is skittish about sex toys. I’ve had them and used them with partners in the past (although those are long gone now) and I’ve been thinking of updating my collection. The problem is, I can’t seem to get my guy on board. He thinks that I want to use toys because I’m bored in the bedroom, or that it means he isn’t doing a good job. The thing is, he IS doing a good job. He brings me to orgasm more than any partner I’ve ever had!
I have been looking online and I really want the Womanizer or the We-Vibe Touch for Valentine’s Day. What do you suggest to help warm him up to the idea?
Thanks so much,
A: DEAR MARY
I’m so glad you asked this question! With all the toy talk I do on my podcast, it’s easy to forget that toys can still feel a bit taboo for some. In fact, as toys continue to be increasingly popular every year, we tend to assume that everyone has jumped on the sex toy train. Unfortunately, and as you’re discovering, that is not always the case.
The motivations for toy trepidation can vary on a case-by-case basis, but it sounds like your guy made his pretty clear. And since his reasons likely line up with a lot of his fellow vibe-fearing men, let’s start there.
It’s fairly common for men to see the addition of a sex toy as a sign of boredom, or their own lack of skills. It all boils down to insecurity. Guys get very wrapped up in their ability to please their partners using only their own set of sexual tools (you know which tools I’m talking about). Asking to bring in outside help can make some men feel uncertain of their climactic chops—not that that should stop you. It just helps to be aware of where his mind is at, so you can help change it.
Find out how to warm your partner up to using sex toys in the bedroom in my latest blog for Glamour’s Sex Tips Column “Here’s How to Get Your Partner On Board With Sex Toys“…