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Halina Grant

Hey, you. Yes, you—exhausted, resentful, sexless mom of three, I’m talking to you.

I know. There’s magenta Sharpie on the wall, a 3-inch layer of dog hair on the floor, and you just stepped on something slimy that you think was cheese (you’ll check it later). You haven’t had a haircut (other than when you took the scissors to your own hair) in eight months and your feet are so calloused, you could run the Kentucky Derby and no one would look twice. Every part of that is true.

But we need to talk about just one thing: the sexless part. Keep reading.

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We here at SWE love variety; it’s the spice of your sex life! We’re all about mixing it up, trying new positions, products, toys and perspectives. There’s a reason so many of you write and ask Emily about inviting a third into your bedroom; you’re tired of your routine sex and ready to mix things up!

But we also know that there’s a place for the tried-and-true type of sex. Finding those positions that you know are going to work, that are physically comfortable and get the job done for everyone. And it’s true what they say: once you’ve mastered the basics of anything, you’re better prepared to master the more advanced techniques.

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Everything changes when you become a mom. Your body, your heart, your brain and your libido. It’s a top to bottom overhaul of the things that used to matter, the way you spend your time and money and your ability to remember your own name. You talk about yourself in the third-person using a generic label, and where your ass used to be is now just one long thigh. Your formerly sexy, confident and self-care focused self has left the building, and in her place is someone who cuts her own hair and has 3-week-old string cheese in her purse.  

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dating dramaMy dating days are far behind me (I’ve been with my man for a hundred years), but like a lot of soul-searching types, I tend to revisit past relationships in my mind. I think about how grateful I am that things didn’t actually work out the way I wanted them to at the time and about how the timing was just perfect for me to meet my husband when I did. I was emotionally ready for a healthy, no-games relationship.

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pregnant dancingI write a lot about personal stuff. My boobs, my kid, my old dating life, eating disorders, addiction and loss. But for some reason, writing about the bedroom department feels more intimate than writing about the feelings department.

As I move into the third trimester of my third pregnancy, I’m realizing that some of the things I’m dealing with are universal, and definitely not talked about enough. In our mom-to-be circles, we talk about our underwear not staying up, swollen ankles and that guy who thinks it’s okay to ask if you’re pregnant with twins. But when it comes to sex, we mainly just talk about not wanting to have it.   Continue Reading