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Kelsi Collins

I don’t care if your penis isn’t super-sized or if you can’t last forever. Some of the worst sex of my life has been with dudes with big penises, and even bigger egos. I regrettably lay beneath his sweaty body– clitoris untouched– while he endlessly pumps away.  When God will it end?  

Sound familiar ladies? Continue Reading

hand jobMany consider the Hand Job (HJ) a lost art form– an uncherished relic from Sophomore year of High School. When a BJ seems too ambitious, you give dry-handed tug. The hand job is half-assed because people don’t put their hearts into it, and don’t use nearly enough lubeContinue Reading

Unknown Pleasures

I never used to prioritize my own pleasure during sex. Of course there were those few gods of oral sex who knew exactly how to flick their tongue to make me come. But mostly I was having mediocre sex without any clitoral stimulation.  I never expected to orgasm because my main concern was getting him off.

But then I got a vibrator. I went to Good Vibrations, a sex positive store that celebrates female pleasure. Continue Reading

“The One”

Although finding the “the one” might seem like an outdated aspiration for the modern woman, the idea of soulmates is perhaps more pervasive than ever.

Our grandparents and even many of our parents married young because of financial necessity. Women needed men to leave their home and begin their adult lives. Finding love was a no-nonsense task with a deadline. If you couldn’t find your soulmate at their senior prom you settled for a benefactor garnished with a penis. Continue Reading

I attended a Jimmyjane private showing of Hysteria in the Opera Plaza Landmark Theater in San Francisco. Hysteria is a romantic comedy about the invention of the vibrator to cure female hysteria– a man-made illness assigned to bored, sexually unsatisfied housewives in the Victorian Era. While their crotchety old husbands fail to recognize their clitoris, a young attractive doctor found every woman’s clitoris in London with electrifying power. Continue Reading

The French call orgasms “la petite mort,” which translates to “the little death.” While an orgasm might seem like the antithesis of death, “la petite mort” isn’t simply a case of the French being terminally ironic. There are some similarities between the ephemeral burst of an orgasm and the finality of death. Continue Reading

As an expert hula-hooper and someone who’s had sex once or twice, I can appreciate the importance of hip movement during the deed. Luckily, you don’t have to be a Zumba God to be good at sex. You just need to learn how to shallow thrust, swivel, and screw.



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There are so many online dating sites that finding a site that fits your dating needs is similar to choosing a boyfriend. If you are looking for someone with a particular background and religion you might have an easier time selecting a site. It gets a little bit trickier with the more general websites like eHarmony and To make your search a little easier I reduced complex websites into oversimplified and somewhat cruel caricatures of themselves. Perhaps you’ll see the silver lining in one of these made-up mates… Continue Reading

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