Back to Basics: Rules to Avoid Routine Sex

giphy (19)Greatest bedroom hits: We’ve all got em’. They’re those moves you’ve got down to a science; the ones you learned early in your sexual career and have perfected over time.

Once you settle into a long term relationship, sex becomes a whole compilation of “go-to” moves. You know what spots to hit and where to hit them, you’ve got your positions down pat. It makes sex easy—effortless, actually! 

But the longer you’re with your partner, the more likely you are to end up lodged in an unintended sexual stalemate. The idea of revamping your sex life can be a little overwhelming, depending on just how stuck in a rut you and your partner are.

When it comes to giving your sex life a spring cleaning, don’t feel like you have to become a completely different person in the bedroom; remember they’re with you for a reason! There’s comfort in the familiar. But just because it ain’t broke doesn’t mean it couldn’t be tweaked a little bit here and there, in order to become even better.

Whether you decide to gradually make some super simple changes, or you want to go full-on with role play, bondage or pornstar perfection, remember; sex moves don’t have to be over the top, they just have to get you and your partner feeling as great as possible. You can totally work with what you’ve got—as long as you focus on keeping it hot.  

While you freshen up your skills by sexploring and sexperimenting, there are some basic, fail-proof rules that can help make even the most routine encounter worth remembering. By keeping these fundamentals in mind, you can maintain the good that you’ve got while you get busy sweetening the sheets.

Talk It Out

One of the most important things you can do for a happy sex life is to have open and honest conversations with your partner. Talk about things you that turn you on, and find out what turns them on in return. You can really spice things up by addressing what’s not working for you and letting them know what things they do that makes you go crazy. How else would your partner know that you don’t like doggy-style if you usually just go along with it? The more you talk about sex, the better your sex will become.

Stage a Digital Seduction

Remember how excited you used to get when you saw his name on caller ID? How fired up you felt when she returned your text saying she had a great night too. If you’ve fallen into the daily grind of a peck on the cheek on the way out the door, sending a flirty text message to your love out of the blue is a great way to keep the fires burning while you’re otherwise engaged. Digitally telling your partner all the raunchy things you want to do to them when you see them next helps remind them of the excitement from the early days, and creates a little fantasy for them to think about all day. Maybe even incorporate a sexy picture.

Once you’re done with the nudes, keep the daydream alive. Cut the conversation short, delaying the gratification. By the time you and your partner actually see each other, your arousal levels will be through the roof! You’ll be jumping each others’ bones in no time, just like the good old days.

Show a Little Enthusiasm

Flirting and teasing are great for getting your partner good and turned on, but if you can’t maintain the excitement once you get home… Well, what’s the point? The trick is to start off strong and maintain that level of sexual zest throughout the entire encounter. It’s called enthusiasm, and it’s possibly one of the easiest ways to make good sex, well, GREAT. 

Put all your effort into everything you do to show your partner that you’re crazy about them. When you stroke her breasts, make her feel like the goddess that she is. Even if oral sex isn’t your favorite—fake it until you make it, my friend! Treat his penis like it’s the most delicious cock-sicle you’ve ever tasted and let him know how great it is. The more into it you are, the more turned on your lover will be… Which incidentally could lead to even more enthusiastically hot love-making. Sex should be satisfying and gratifying for both partners; showing your enthusiasm for every aspect of every encounter will help you both feel special.

Slow It Down

If you really want to finish with a big bang, then focus on drawing out the experience. Slowing down all your moves allows you and your partner to feel more pleasure. The art of the tease is the sexiest way to keep arousal at peak levels, while delaying the payoff. Quickies are cute when you’re short on time, but they tend to be short on quality.

Emily always says to go “five times slower” than you think you need to, or you might miss the sweet spots along the way. Take the time to really be in the moment with each other—suddenly those fires that may have simmered over time start to flare into flames of desire for each other. Trust me when I say, you and your partner are going to FEEL the difference . 

Break The Routine

If you start to feel like your moves aren’t getting the same reaction they used to, that’s when you know it’s time to change it up. No matter how hot your moves may be, do you really want to bore your partner with the same tired tricks over and over again. NO! Sex is supposed to be expansive. We all have our comfort zones, but we need to branch out if we want to maintain the fire in bed.

You don’t have to let go of all your moves, just focus on improving them. You can start small and then add to your arsenal—add a pillow or wedge for support in complex positions or use some light bondage. Bringing some excitement back into the bedroom by trying a new move or a new toy is a great way to keep the home fires burning. If you usually hit it before you fall asleep at night, surprise him with a morning blowjob! Surprise her in the shower. What about a surprise lunch break romp in the car?

So, basically… 

When it comes to your bedroom routine, status-quo just doesn’t cut it for long. It is our responsibility as lovers to be constantly evolving as we discover new avenues of pleasure to share with each other. While you spend a little time researching some new moves to enhance every encounter, don’t forget to brush up on the basics and refine the moves that make you special! Remind your partner of all the reasons they wanted you in the first place, and keep them guessing and coming back for more.

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Discussion about this post

  1. Jennifer says:

    Thank you I needed this! After nine years, sometimes things can get a little monotonous, and stale. We know each other so well and what each of us like, but with the kids and the jobs and the stresses of life it really can be hard to be fully in the moment. I really want to work on “breaking the routine” I look forward to the new experiences!

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