Back to the Hookup Basics
Whether you’re male, female, single, gay or straight, you all have one thing in common.. You want to have mind-blowing sex. You want to please and be pleased. But here’s the thing: Before you can earn your black belt in bedroom acrobatics, you first must master the basics. I don’t care if you are a tantric sex master or a cunnilingual casanova; if you can twist yourself into a pretzel during oral but you can’t give a decent hand job, what’s the point?
So let’s not just talk about sex — Let’s talk the barenaked basics of having an amazing sex life. Let’s take things all the way back to the “hookup”. Picture your first-ever encounter with a new (but hopefully recurring) sex partner. Before they get to appreciate the portfolio of sex positions you’re hoarding at home base, you’ve got to wow them through 1st, 2nd and 3rd.
If you think about it, kissing is kind of like a first audition. If it goes well, it could land you a recurring role in someone’s sex life; if you flop it, you might not even get a call back. While not every person feels this way, many would consider a bad kisser to be a major deal breaker, so how do you make your new makeout partner see stars
When it comes to kissing, especially with someone new, less is always more. Even if you’re so hot and bothered and just want to devour his face, resist the urge. Your tongue should not be inside of someone’s mouth the entire time! Start off soft and slow and then move your tongue into the mix. Pay attention to what your kissing partner is doing. Try to balance your style with theirs for the perfect tempo and kiss.
Everyone has their own personal list of bedroom deal breakers that vary from individual to individual. But there is one little factor that rates as a deal breaker across the board: Bad hygiene.
The phrase ‘cleanliness is next to godliness’ should be your mantra everywhere, but especially in the bedroom. Showering before a date is nonnegotiable. If you do happen to work up a sweat during the first part of the evening, keep some DownUnder Comfort on hand for a fresh little pick-me-up before you hit the bedroom. The cleaner you are, the less of a reason there will be to postpone the post-date festivities. Oh, and guys, if you have any hope of getting your digits near her delicate areas, please be sure to wash your hands and keep your nails clean. Yes, vaginas are self-cleaning, but they do not come equipped with soap dispensers. Nothing is less sexy than looking down to see a guy’s grubby, jagged nails inching toward her lady parts.
There’s a reason for the rumors that musicians make great lovers — no man or woman can resist a partner who is good with their hands. Some believe that hand jobs and other forms of manual stimulation went out of style post high school graduation, but I personally think these forms of foreplay are a lost art form. After all, it’s hard to pull off oral in the back row of a movie theater, but hands… well, they are made for covert operations.
For guys, go five times slower than you think you should when you start touching her. Too many men go in, guns blazing, without realizing how sensitive lady parts actually are. Remember, she is not a gumball machine and you are not attempting to jiggle a couple gumballs free. Instead, use soft, flat fingers to explore the outside of her vagina first to get a lay of the land. Gently rub her clitoris, experimenting with different variations of speed and pressure, to get a feel for what she likes. Once she has warmed up (and generated a little natural lubrication) THEN you may enter.
For girls, if you are going into this handy lube-free, be gentle and start slow. The number one mistake women make in this scenario is being too aggressive during rub-and-tugs. Just like lady parts, the skin on a guy’s penis is super sensitive and can be prone to tearing. Think of a hand job as a penis massage — you’re trying to pleasure the muscle underneath, not tug the skin on top. And don’t forget that most of the nerve endings are located at the head of his member, so that area deserves some extra special attention.
No matter what moves you’re mastering, don’t lose sight that hookups are also supposed to be fun. Be playful, and really work at letting yourself go. If you get too caught up in tripping over technique, you might just miss out on the most important part: the pleasure.
Want even more tips to help you master the bedroom basics? Join me Tuesday, September 29 from 8-10pm at the historic Hustler Hollywood on Sunset to get the Sex Education you wished you’d had in high school. My newest workshop will tackle some of the most frequently asked sex questions and cover some of those essential sex skills you may have forgotten since your high school days.
Seating is limited, so send an email to HHRSVP@LFP.com to save your seat! See you there, lovers…