When to Call it Quits: Relationship Red Flags

i think we;re done

britta-are-you-breaking-up-with-meThe age old song is true; “breaking up is hard to do.” You’ve invested so much time and energy into this person, there’s no way you can let him/her fall out of your life. You love each other (or so you think), so it’s worth fighting for, right?

In some cases, yes. The effort is worth it, he/she will change, your relationship gets better, and you realize why you fell in love in the first place. From experience, however, I can tell you this isn’t always the case (life isn’t a fairy tale, who knew?). There are some people you will date that you cannot change, and as much as you hope, will never give you what you need in a relationship. 

The problem here… How do you save yourself from wasting years of your life chasing after someone you’re supposed to already be in a relationship with? How are you supposed to know what relationships are worth fighting for?

You won’t always be able to know when you should stay or you should go, but there are a few indicators that can tell you whether or not you’re beating a dead horse.

While there can be many red flags in romantic relationships, here are a few that will definitely let you know that it’s time to call it quits.

Always on Their Phone:

Most of us in this day and age are a little addicted to our phones; it’s hard not to feel that separation anxiety sometimes. You can’t blame your partner for being on their phone some of the time, but if you’re constantly vying for your S.O.’s attention and losing to an iPhone, it’s time to stop the battle. When someone is constantly on their phone, they are never giving you the full attention that you deserve, and it’s as if they aren’t actually present. Plus, it’s extremely rude. Is everyone around you so uninteresting, that your Twitter followers are the only place you can turn? Who’s the real bore? The ones conversing, or the guy scrolling through Instagram for the 100th time today?

 phone

Be the focus in your relationship and not the background noise. You should be able to get your partner’s undivided attention without having to send a text message first.

How They Treat Others:

Customer service. Not everyone is a fantastic waiter, or the perfect retail cashier, but most people try their best to do their job. If your partner is frequently rude to your waiter, bowling alley attendant, or anyone that is trying to help you in some way, this is a BIG warning sign. Not only is this disrespectful, it’s entirely smug. It makes your partner look like the entitled asshole they clearly are, and you unfortunately, by association.

rude to people

If your partner is this rude to complete strangers only trying to help, it’s only a matter of time before they turn that rudeness on you (if they haven’t already). Plus, that person probably has a ton of karma heading right for them; don’t get caught in the crossfire.

A Part of What World:

Quality time with your S.O. is great and necessary for a healthy relationship. However, so is time around others. Let’s say you notice they never come to family functions or come hang with your friends. In fact, you rarely get an invite to activities with their friends, either. It’s not even bad timing, but no signs of interest on their part. You guys have your own world together, but aren’t really apart of each other’s world.

 wont do things

It’s important to have separate circles, but at a certain point in the relationship, there should be at least some crossover. I get it; maybe they want you all to themselves. As sweet as that may sound, it’s kind of hard to get serious with someone when they can’t even stop by for dinner at the folks once in awhile. Plus, it shows how little interest your partner seems to have with your life outside your relationship. That’s how you became you! And that’s what attracted you to them in the first place, isn’t it?

The people that are important to you should be important to them and vice versa. You want to be apart of someone’s world, not to be a separate world off to the side. So, just like the Spice Girls said, “if you wanna be my lover, you gotta get with my friends.”

The Ever-Wandering Eye:

Beauty is all around us, and you’d have to be a saint not to let your gaze wander every once in awhile. People are hot, and there is nothing wrong with looking. However, there is a difference between looking, and falling out of your chair, drooling, and ogling. If your partner is constantly commenting on the appearance of others, ignoring you because a sweet set of abs walked by, it’s hard not to feel underappreciated. Plus, it hurts! What are you, chopped liver?

 ogling

There is always going to be someone with shinier hair or fuller lips than you, but your partner shouldn’t make you feel subpar. If your S.O. seems to have trouble focusing on your beauty and what makes you special, it appears like they are settling and that you’ll never satisfy their lust. If that’s the case, it may be time to step out of focus entirely.

Gaslighting:

Arguments are normal and actually healthy (to a degree) in a relationship. What is not so normal is it seems that in every fight, you feel like you’re going crazy. Everything is your fault, you’re constantly second guessing yourself, and somehow, things never quite add up. You can relax, because you are not crazy (hopefully). This manipulation tactic is all about control and is almost always a cover up to something else.

crazy

Time and time again, your partner makes up facts, deflects blame for their actions, and completely denies information that you know is true. While everything is situational, this is a type of emotional abuse. Your partner is trying to break you down mentally to keep control in the relationship, when no one should be fully in control. Even worse, people that do this generally don’t change. If you’re always walking on eggshells, feeling more insecure, and overly emotional, it’s time to get out.

***

Relationships are built off of trust and a mutual respect for one another. If you are lacking either of those qualities, there is a large X heading right for the two of you. Not everyone is doomed, and some people are worth fighting for, but not everyone is so lucky. Before the heartache becomes insurmountable, reflect on your relationship. There may be some tell tale signs it’s time to call it quits.

 

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