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Ask Emily

Dear Emily,

Background: 34-year-old guy, virgin, never had a relationship.  This is due to my practically lifelong struggle with major clinical depression. The issues are largely resolved and I feel great!   I’m now out there trying to meet the right girl.Positive qualities: I’m handsome, make $80k a year good personality, responsible, and am fit. Negative qualities: I can’t think of any. Continue Reading

Jackrabbit Sex

Dear Emily,
Thank you for the new term “Jackrabbit Sex” which has quickly become a regular part of my vocabulary, and paranoia. Jack rabbit sex! Holy crap! I am suddenly wondering whether I am occasionally guilty of this. Can you delve a little deeper into this? Why is it so bad?

Thanks so much,
J from Ohio

Long-term Relationships

Dear Emily,

I just got out of a long-term relationship. I still talk to my ex all the time and we’re really good friends right now, even though we live in different cities. He and I never had the most exciting sex life while we were together, but now that I’m single, I’m ready to have my sex life back! So I was just wondering what your advice would be for someone who is newly single and physically ready, but maybe not entirely emotionally ready?

Liz, North Carolina

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Online Dating

Dear Emily,

I just recently signed up with OkCupid to give this online dating thing a try. I’m a newbie so I’m not up on all the rules and hidden rules. My question is would it be cool to tell a girl she’s cute in the first message? Are there any tips on what girls want to see in that first message?

Costa Mesa, CA

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Stagnant Sex Life

Dear Emily,
My wife and I have been married for 15 years, together for 18 and our sex life is stagnant at best. We’re both in our upper 30’s and my libido is just as strong as when I was in high school while hers is nearly non-existent. I thought I would try to spice things up a bit and try to introduce some toys. I would love any suggestions you could give, I know you’ve recommended vibrating rings in the past but what kind would you recommend and how exactly are they most effective. She had a vibrator in the past and it was too strong for her, she has a very sensitive clit so anything too strong won’t work well, so could you suggest a vibrator you think would work for us? Lastly, do you have any suggestions for other toys? She loves it when I hit her g-spot so anything along those lines would be great.


Dear Emily,

I can only orgasm if my mind is completely engaged in some kind of elaborate fantasy situation. I have to imagine an over-the-top kind of sexy situation, even if I am totally into the guy I am with. I feel bad because I’m not entirely present in the moment and if he knew my mind was elsewhere he would probably feel bad too! Is this a common problem? Do you have any ideas of how to orgasm without mental stimulation?
Thank you!
Catherine,  Ohio


Dear Emily,
I have a question. I have communicated to my partners that I don’t want a complete commitment and want to keep things light. They don’t listen. I try to spell it out. I try to be subtle. Nothing seems to work. I don’t have a fear of monogamy but was in a long marriage where sexual compatibility was terrible. She made me feel awful for wanting it. I just wanted to point that out before my question rattled the monogamy bell.
Great show. Keep it up!
Los Angeles, CA

Erection Issues

Dear Emily,
I am 40 yrs. old and have been with my wife for 20 yrs. I have been on blood pressure medication for about 10 years and have never had any erection issues until recently. I can get an erection fine but keeping one for a session of sex can be difficult. Do penis rings really work? Please help!
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