Q: DEAR EMILY,
I was dating a guy who was great in bed. The first time we hooked up, he asked me what my fantasy was—I told him, we went with it and it was really hot. As we continued to date, he kept asking me what my fantasies were, so then I thought that the ones I had already shared weren’t hot enough. I started worrying about what he thought of me, and if I was too boring.
I realized that when I’m with someone, I focus on trying to be exciting, thinking more about what my partner might want rather than putting my needs and desires first. My question is, how can I focus more on myself and what I like without being selfish in bed?
Jess, 31 Continue Reading
Q: Dear Emily,
I really enjoy biting my partner’s chest and shoulders during intercourse and find that it helps keep me in the moment physically. It seems like when I lose physical contact between my mouth and my partner’s body or mouth, it tends to result in me thinking more about the fact that I am having sex instead of really feeling present.
The problem is my previous and current partners have not been fans of the marks left on their chest in the aftermath. Do you have any suggestions for other physical actions I can try that won’t result in the “evidence” left behind, but can help keep me in the moment?
Liz, Age 26
Q: Hi Emily,
I’m a 21-year-old woman who hates being on top during sex. I have never liked it. Aside from feeling like my guy is getting a really awful angle/view of my body, I just don’t feel like I do a good job. How can I incorporate being on top without feeling so uncomfortable?
Are there certain techniques I can try? I know I have to work on letting go of the idea that he’s seeing me from a bad angle, and I’m trying. What’s the best way to be on top? Am I doing it wrong? Ugh, help! Continue Reading
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have been doing the long distance relationship thing for the past year. Luckily, we have the whole summer to spend together! We’ve made a ton of fun plans, including a 12 hour road trip up the coast of California… Which brings me to my question.
My boyfriend has always had a thing for fooling around in the car, and especially loves the idea of “road head”. While I’m definitely not trying to die that way, I’d love to meet him halfway and surprise him with some spontaneous car sex. I know he’ll love it no matter what, but I’m worried it’s going to be kind of awkward. How can I pull this off and make it a pleasurable time for everyone?
Thanks for everything you do,
I recently got out of a long-term relationship and jumped into dating—literally! Now I’m seeing three different people, something I’ve never done before, and need some advice on how to handle it.
Is there supposed to be a waiting period in between partners? Can I have sex with two different people in a week (with protection, of course)? If we use my sex toys, can I use them with multiple guys? Also, what’s the etiquette for telling a person I’m not monogamous in a way that won’t hurt them? I just want to be single and date around for a while, but it’s all so complicated!
Any advice would be appreciated,
Thanks for the sexual empowerment you offer to everyone. I have a question about introducing bondage and rough play with a new partner. How do you do it? I actually scared a guy recently when I asked him to choke me in bed. That is obviously not my future goal, so I’m hoping you can help me figure out a way to ease partners into it. Also, what’s the best way to tie someone up?
Thanks again for the great advice! I love your podcast.
Kelsey Continue Reading
Q: DEAR EMILY
My boyfriend of almost two years is skittish about sex toys. I’ve had them and used them with partners in the past (although those are long gone now) and I’ve been thinking of updating my collection. The problem is, I can’t seem to get my guy on board. He thinks that I want to use toys because I’m bored in the bedroom, or that it means he isn’t doing a good job. The thing is, he IS doing a good job. He brings me to orgasm more than any partner I’ve ever had!
I have been looking online and I really want the Womanizer or the We-Vibe Touch for Valentine’s Day. What do you suggest to help warm him up to the idea?
Thanks so much,
Mary Continue Reading
Q: Dear Emily
I’ve been with my boyfriend for around eight months and have still never had a REAL orgasm during sex. And as if this isn’t bad enough, I’ve been faking it! I know—it’s terrible! My partner has no idea, I just get so in my head about it and I want to make him feel good about his performance, but now I’m sick of performing. I want the real deal and I know I need to be honest with him, I just don’t know how to confess without hurting his feelings. How do I approach this?
Thanks, A Continue Reading
Q: Dear Emily
I met a man while traveling, we have been talking for a while since, and now he’s coming to visit. We haven’t been intimate yet, but I have a feeling that it will happen while he’s here. Which leads me to my question…
When I have sex, I produce a lot of female ejaculate, and if previous measures are not taken, the bed really isn’t suitable to sleep in after. I want to give this guy a heads-up, but I don’t really know how to approach this. Also I don’t want him to be disappointed if, for some reason, I do not “squirt” the first time with him (which has happened before).
Should I tell him beforehand? If so, how? Or should I just let it be a surprise?
With love, Sage
Q: Dear Emily
In the past year, I have been on a mission to have regular orgasms and since I’m currently single, this has been mostly a solo mission. I’ve been taking all of your advice: I’ve got the sex toys and the lube, I know where all my hot spots are and I know how to touch them, but I’m still only orgasming a third of the time. It’s so frustrating! Sometimes I will be right on the cusp of climaxing, but for some reason I just can’t get all the way there. What am I missing here? Help!