After being with a few guys, I’ve noticed that it doesn’t matter the size of a guy’s penis or where we’re having sex—whether it be the couch, floor, or bed—but if I’m on top of him, his penis is always slipping out! It’s usually when it’s getting good, and I probably get carried away, but my question is: Am I doing something wrong? And how do I stop it from slipping out?
Mandy, 27
My husband (age 33) and I have been married for two years, together
for three and a half. In the beginning sex was fun, passionate and frequent. Now it seems like my libido is non existent, and I’m perfectly happy having sex once or twice a week (or less). His libido is as high as ever; he wants it once or twice per day, and doesn’t really like masturbating (though he will when he’s desperate).
When we don’t have sex as often as he wants, he gets frustrated and very cranky, so I feel obliged to participate as frequently as possible, but sometimes I’m just plain tired or feel lazy. Sometimes I’ll just have sex with him even if I don’t want to, hoping that I can get aroused once we get going. Half the time this works and I orgasm, and the rest of the time I go through the motions that usually work, and nothing happens. It’s like I can’t get my brain into it no matter what! We have toys, we try new things and we do some foreplay (though I’m sure could always use more). This is extremely frustrating for both of us.
I used to be super horny in my teens and 20s, and now I could hardly care less. How can I get my brain to want more sex?Am I just getting old? (Just FYI: I did go off the pill about a year and half ago, if you think that’s a factor.)
Help!
-Jill, 36
I have been with my husband now for nine years (married for nearly five). We have two children, ages six and four. We have always had really good sex, even from the first time. I always have multiple orgasms and always orgasm before him.
We are going away for a “dirty weekend” next month to celebrate our five-year wedding anniversary. I want to take advantage of this time and do something new with him. We have never felt the need for sex toys, but I think it could be fun to try some now. What toys would you recommend using that we can both enjoy and not feel too intimidated by?
Thanks so much,
Alex, 35
I just got out of a relationship with a guy that had a lot of ups and downs. In the beginning we were inseparable, and it totally felt like we were falling in love. Then, about a month in, he went cold fish. He only returned my calls every couple of days and kind of started ghosting me. Then all of a sudden, he invited me to go out of town with him, and we had this amazing long weekend with great sex and I was feeling connected again. Then when we got back, I didn’t hear from him for a week.
My boyfriend and I broke up about six months ago, but we’re still living together (we don’t want the expense of breaking our lease, and where we live is very seasonal so it’s hard to find new tenants). He ended things because he was going through some personal stuff and wanted to work on himself. The problem is that we never stopped having sex.
Things started up again casually, where it was just hot and random, but I’ve noticed that lately he has started to bring some feelings back into it and I am finding that I too still have feelings for him. He is very intimate, cupping my face, telling me that he loves me. Then going out with friends and acting single. He’s very back and forth about it. I’m totally confused.
I don’t know if this is normal, or maybe he still wants to be with me? Is it possible to have a “friend with benefits” with an ex?
Brittany, 24,
New Jersey Continue Reading
Q: DEAR EMILY,I was dating a guy who was great in bed. The first time we hooked up, he asked me what my fantasy was—I told him, we went with it and it was really hot. As we continued to date, he kept asking me what my fantasies were, so then I thought that the ones I had already shared weren’t hot enough. I started worrying about what he thought of me, and if I was too boring.
I realized that when I’m with someone, I focus on trying to be exciting, thinking more about what my partner might want rather than putting my needs and desires first. My question is, how can I focus more on myself and what I like without being selfish in bed?
Jess, 31 Continue Reading
Q: Dear Emily,I really enjoy biting my partner’s chest and shoulders during intercourse and find that it helps keep me in the moment physically. It seems like when I lose physical contact between my mouth and my partner’s body or mouth, it tends to result in me thinking more about the fact that I am having sex instead of really feeling present.
The problem is my previous and current partners have not been fans of the marks left on their chest in the aftermath. Do you have any suggestions for other physical actions I can try that won’t result in the “evidence” left behind, but can help keep me in the moment?
Thanks,
Liz, Age 26
Q: Hi Emily,I’m a 21-year-old woman who hates being on top during sex. I have never liked it. Aside from feeling like my guy is getting a really awful angle/view of my body, I just don’t feel like I do a good job. How can I incorporate being on top without feeling so uncomfortable?
Are there certain techniques I can try? I know I have to work on letting go of the idea that he’s seeing me from a bad angle, and I’m trying. What’s the best way to be on top? Am I doing it wrong? Ugh, help! Continue Reading
Dear Emily,
My boyfriend and I have been together for 3 years and have been doing the long distance relationship thing for the past year. Luckily, we have the whole summer to spend together! We’ve made a ton of fun plans, including a 12 hour road trip up the coast of California… Which brings me to my question.
My boyfriend has always had a thing for fooling around in the car, and especially loves the idea of “road head”. While I’m definitely not trying to die that way, I’d love to meet him halfway and surprise him with some spontaneous car sex. I know he’ll love it no matter what, but I’m worried it’s going to be kind of awkward. How can I pull this off and make it a pleasurable time for everyone?
Thanks for everything you do,
Hanna
Continue Reading
Hey Emily,
I recently got out of a long-term relationship and jumped into dating—literally! Now I’m seeing three different people, something I’ve never done before, and need some advice on how to handle it.
Is there supposed to be a waiting period in between partners? Can I have sex with two different people in a week (with protection, of course)? If we use my sex toys, can I use them with multiple guys? Also, what’s the etiquette for telling a person I’m not monogamous in a way that won’t hurt them? I just want to be single and date around for a while, but it’s all so complicated!
Any advice would be appreciated,
Jenn
