I’ve been with my boyfriend for three-and-a-half years and the sex is great! We both get wonderful pleasure from each other and are open to trying new moves. My issue (one that has been evident from the start of the relationship) is that I am always in the driver’s seat when it comes to our sexual experiences. I always make the first move. I have tried to talk to him about it but he’s not willing to do anything differently. It feels like he doesn’t even want to have sex with me unless I make him.
Like you said in one of your podcasts, a common female fantasy is that of being dominated—well, I want that! I got him to do this once and I loved it, but it hasn’t happened since. I am exhausted from having to take the lead all the time. I just want him to want me more. How do I get him to initiate sex with me more often?
Please help me Emily!
Alexandra Continue Reading
I became interested in sex and masturbation at a very young age and I’ve always felt that I have very heightened sexual energy. The problem is, I’ve had a hard time finding guys who share the same intensity about it as I do. I always end up being the one who needs it more often, and past boyfriends have even labeled me as “sex obsessed.”
I have been dating a guy for several months and the sex has been great so far. At the beginning of the relationship, we would jump each other every chance we got, but lately the sex has become less and less frequent. I’m scared to tell him that I want it more because I really enjoy spending time with him and I’m afraid he will judge me. I don’t want to seem like a “nympho”—another thing I have been called in the past.
Am I really too obsessed with having sex? How do I approach the situation without scaring my boyfriend away?
I learn so much from your podcasts! I am 36 and recently separated from a 16-year relationship. After waiting eight months, I decided I was ready to start dating again. A few colleagues of mine recommended some dating apps, so I checked them out. I went on two OKCupid dates and they went horribly. Then I gave it one last shot and started talking to a guy six years older than me. We have been talking for two weeks but haven’t met in person yet. So far, our connection has been great!
So here’s my question for you: Is there a certain timeline to meet this guy and move forward from there? What do you suggest when it comes to going from cyber- and phone-chatting to meeting IRL?
Laura in LA Continue Reading
I consider myself to be a very open person sexually. I love trying out new things in the bedroom and playing around with different positions. My absolute favorite is doggy-style. The problem is, I always seem to experience a lot of pain when I do it. Is this normal? I should probably add that my last few partners have been pretty blessed in the size department. Is size a factor here, as well? And more importantly, how can I make it less painful so I can experience the pleasure? Thanks, love your podcast!
Jessica Continue Reading
Recently I have been dealing with an issue that I can’t seem to wrap my head around: I’m in love with a man who is absolutely awful at performing oral sex. He doesn’t go down on me very often, but when he does it’s sloppy and rough and all over the place – I mean, really terrible! I just don’t get it… He is a great kisser and is so good with his hands, but when it comes to oral sex, he seems to be completely clueless.
I don’t want to mess up what we have because everything else in the sex department is great, but I NEED more oral sex. How can I help him get better at going down? How can I get him to go down me, period?
After listening to your show regularly, I decided that it’s time for me to find my G-spot! Based on your suggestions, I have been trying to pay attention to my body during sex, and I noticed that the spot that feels really good each time my boyfriend thrusts in and out is actually located on the BACK wall of my vagina. I know you always say that the G-spot is located on the FRONT wall, so what am I feeling? Could my G-spot be in the wrong (or a different) place?
Loyal Listener Lauren
I love you and your show, and I’ve had a great time testing out your tips for spicing things up with my boyfriend. Per your recommendation, we have recently been trying to work lube into our sexual routine, but stopped because I was really not enjoying it. It made a huge mess and got everywhere during foreplay, and I was very aware of it WHILE we were having sex. I also didn’t like the way it felt afterward—especially if we had sex during the day (because I would have to go somewhere after, and I would have lube all around my vagina).
I know you’re a huge fan of lube, and I want to love it. But I feel like there’s something I must be missing, because so far, I’m not getting the appeal. Were we just using too much? Is there another lube you can suggest that might be better? Thank you!
Sheridan, age 22 Continue Reading
I’ve been dating my boyfriend for about eight months. We’ve spent a lot of time learning each other’s bodies, figuring out what turns us on and exploring new things together. In general, the sex is really hot. There’s just one issue in the bedroom: He doesn’t shut up! I know he gets really turned on by dirty talk so I’m working on getting better at it, but he takes it to a whole other level, asking “Do you love me? How much do you love me? Tell me how much you want this d—k!” over and over again. I have no idea how to respond to any of this in a sexy way. And when I don’t answer, he just keeps prodding me! It’s so distracting, it totally takes me out of the moment. It’s even making it hard for me to climax. How can I bring this up to him without offending him?
Love, Lauren, 24
I’m 24 years old and the guy I’m dating is my first sexual partner—so I’m a newbie at everything but I’m pretty open to learning and trying new things. I know he really wants me to give him a blow job, but I don’t know how! I have a ton of fear around it. I really want to try it, but I can’t get over that scared feeling I get when I think about doing it, partly because I don’t know what I’m doing but also because I want us both to enjoy the experience.
What can I do to get over the fear and become more comfortable with giving him a blow job? And how can I make it a good one?
I’m a 20-year-old girl from England. As far as I know, I’m completely straight and in love with my long-term boyfriend. (OK, there was one time that I hooked up with a girl, but I decided it’s just not for me.)
Here’s the thing: When I masturbate (and even sometimes when my boyfriend is going down on me), I think about girls having sex with girls. Mainly, I imagine situations where a girl is having lesbian sex for the first time. Am I normal?! Am I even straight? There are absolutely no issues with my boyfriend and I really don’t think I’m gay. Am I maybe bisexual? Am I alone?
Bi-Curious Britney in Britain