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text dom blog sex with emilyFor all the BDSM lovers out there, this ongoing quarantine may have put a wrench in your dynamic. On top of ordering face masks and keeping our hands clean, you might not have the ability to meet up as frequently as you’d like. Luckily, you don’t have to be in the same room to keep up with your Dom/sub lifestyle. You can keep your power dynamic at the tip of your fingers, through text.

Texting can be a great way to Dom someone. For one thing, your commands are right there in black and white – less room for misinterpretation.

Here are some ways you can Dom someone via text. As always, consent is key for any and all BDSM activity, including communicating via text.

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foreplay bedroom blog sex with emilyWhen you think of foreplay, do you think touching, kissing, massaging? And do you think that happens in the bedroom as simply a perfunctory “warmup” for the big deed? Like, say, 10 minutes worth?

Well, think again. Foreplay isn’t just for the bedroom. In fact, it can be a geographically diverse series of events! It should even start wayyyy before sex.

This article will help you prime yourself and your partner for a sexy night. Here are some things you can do to make the leading up to sex (almost) as good as the sex itself.

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summer dating blog sex with emilyIt’s June 20th, and summer is officially here! Right now, you’re probably itching to get outside and have some fun. If you’re dating, Coronavirus has changed the game in ways we couldn’t have imagined at the start of the year.

But hey – let’s roll with it, shall we? As the weather gets warmer, and quarantine keeps us spatially (notice I didn’t say “socially”) distant, the great outdoors can become our dating platform. Since we’ve been cooped up during quarantine, the outdoors is beckoning us.

Whether you are single or in a relationship, keep reading for some fun ideas for outdoor summer dates!

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play blog sex with emilyWith some states coming out of Covid-19 lockdown, many people are venturing out, having BBQs, trying to responsibly socialize and might feel like they have been let out of jail of social “confinement.” During the past few months of quarantine time (and especially since May was Masturbation Month), a lot of people have been focusing on masturbation as sexual release. Yay! But don’t let up on this focus just because you are potentially unleashed into the world and able to start to touch others.

This month is Pride month, and this year, our focus here at Sex With Emily during Pride is “playfulness.” In the theme of playfulness, finding new ways to play with your body is one of the best ways to spend Pride month!

Here are some ways you can “play” with your body.

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ally pride blog sex with emilyJune is the month of pride for LGBTQIA+ people all around the world. And though it’s a time for us to celebrate, you don’t have to be queer to join the party. Being a queer ally can feel like a complicated concept, but it just takes a little bit of work.

To be a queer ally, this year and every year, means coming in service to queer people, especially queer people of color. It’s listening and reflecting. It’s understanding how systems of oppression work and your role in dismantling those systems. It’s learning, but more importantly, it’s unlearning. 

Here are some first steps toward being a supportive ally.

 

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sex toys men blog sex with emilyMost people think that sex toys are just for women, but that is not the case! In fact, they can be an amazing addition to any man’s sexual arsenal. Whether you’re going solo or with a partner, toys can deepen your pleasure, increase your erection time, boost sexual satisfaction during partnered sex, and help you experience multiple orgasms.

Today, we are going to explore five key reasons why you should try out a new sex toy or two. Or four. Or more. Who’s counting?

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squirt blog sex with emilyAhhhh, squirting. The holy grail of female pleasure. The myth, the legend, the bed sheets!

Now whether or not you’ve squirted, you might be a little confused as to what exactly it is. Is it pee? Is it ejaculate? Perhaps a little super soaker some pornstars hide in their vagina? Truth be told, as with many aspects of vaginal health, there’s a lot of conflicting information about this aquatic phenomenon.

Today we’re going to set the record straight with this comprehensive guide to squirting. So, put on something waterproof, because we’re about to get wet and wild! 

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humiliation blog sex with emilyWhen we think about great sex, a positive and pleasure-packed experience is what often comes to mind. However, for some out there, it’s something a little darker that does the trick! All thanks to two little words: humiliation and degradation.

You’ve probably heard it and seen it. Perhaps it was while watching porn. Perhaps it was while watching a blockbuster film of a certain shade of gray. But erotic humiliation is yet another powerful way to spice up your sex play.

From exploring power dynamics to testing emotional boundaries, it’s something that – albeit may sometimes feel extreme – can open up a whole new world of intimate possibilities with the right partner.

Interested? Thought so. Let’s do a deeper dive:

 

FIRST OFF, THE BASICS

In a nutshell, erotic humiliation/degradation refers to getting aroused from the cocktail of emotions that come with being teased, demeaned and degraded. Humiliation includes belittlement, commands, sexual stimulation, etc. Degradation includes insults, name calling,  – the works.

On the mild side of the spectrum, it looks like someone calling you a “stupid little baby”. On the extreme side it looks like getting hogtied and orgasm-tortured while everyone at the sex party points and laughs. These acts under normal circumstances are the sorts of things that usually make people feel uncomfortable or shamed, but erotic humiliation completely flips the switch on those core emotions, plus so much more. 

 

Although erotic humiliation is popular within the BDSM scene, it’s also worth clarifying the two have a few stark differences. Unlike some kinky interests, erotic humiliation is not about the humiliation-causing acts themselves, rather the emotions they elicit. Humiliation is a form of submission, but not all submission has to entail humiliation/degradation tactics.

 

WHERE’S THE PLEASURE?

One person’s pain can be another person’s pleasure. Sexiness is subjective. It’s hard to pinpoint from where the appeal 100% stems. Sure, it’s easy to associate humiliation with that one embarrassing day in sixth grade gym class. But for many it can be a supremely, surprisingly freeing and healing experience. 

A huge element of sexual exploration is getting to dip your toes into things that are sometimes considered taboo. In the world of kink and fetish, there are endless types of power dynamic. Whether it’s a Dom/sub, DDlg, or furry play, carrying out something that safely and consensually pushes the boundaries of human experience can feel liberating without a doubt. This is especially true when doing it with a trusted partner that’s on the same page as you. 

 

MAKE IT YOUR OWN

What sets this one apart from some other fetishes is the fact that it’s subjective AND doesn’t even have to be inherently sexual. Since the name of the sensuous game is feeling humiliation, everything from the dialogue and physicality, to level of overt sexuality depends on those involved.

Some people find receiving it hot, others enjoy dishing it out, and sometimes it’s a mix of both. The humiliation can happen in public at a sex party, or in the privacy of your own sex dungeon. Despite the fetish looking different from situation to situation, the one non-negotiable is both partners truly knowing each other – and what words, tones and actions will actually drive it all home. 

 

SAFETY FIRST! (& HOW TO DO IT)

In addition to being on the same page with your partner, the other golden rule of erotic humiliation is that consent, as always, is absolutely everything.

Ahead of jumping into the hot and heavy action, having a candid conversation about what you how you want to engage in humiliation and degradation is the hands-down best way to kick things off. When playing with your emotions erotically, the experience can go in many different directions. It’s good to discuss and establish mutually agreed-upon boundaries, as well as have a safe word in your back pocket just in case. 

After it all goes down, you additionally want to allow some time for aftercare and not be afraid to talk about the experience in general. Not only will reflecting upon the experience help you figure out how you felt about it, but a joint debrief can definitely reveal what worked as well as what didn’t for improving upon moving forward. 

 

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When it comes to any fetish, you ultimately just have to do you. But knowing they are an insanely interesting way to explore some of the most basic building blocks to any healthy relationship…well, it just keeps things all the more interesting, right?

 

 


Alex Anderson is an LA-based lifestyle designer proactively raging against the cultural grain. By day she works in television production, and by night enjoys writing, sewing and seeking guidance from the stars. She also finally has an all black kitty named “Cher.” You can follow her alt-lifestyle blog MSFT Living and on Instagram!

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