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two vaginas blog sex with emilyIt’s the last day of Pride month, and you know what that means: glitter, rainbows, and (if you’re lucky) some queer sex. But, just because we’re all feeling proud doesn’t mean that we’re all…experienced.

Starting out in the world of queer sex can at best feel intimidating and at worst feel like a big gay mountain we’d rather not start climbing. We learn a lot about heterosexual sex, through…pretty much everything, sex between two people with vaginas can often feel like a huge question mark.

There’s a lot of misinformation floating around, so today I want to set the record straight and give you some pointers for non-straight sex with two vaginas. 

 

Check In With Your Partner

Ah yes, the good ol’ gay check in. What could be more queer than processing your feelings around sex before you even have it? Being able to talk openly with the person you’re having sex with isn’t just important for your emotional health, it’s important for your physical health and downright necessary for good sex!

Because it’s not immediately apparent as to how two “innies” fit together, being able to talk about what you like and don’t like is even more important in this situation. Maybe you like vibrators, maybe you can’t come unless you have clitoral and vaginal stimulation, or maybe you would rather be a giver than a receiver.

Either way, checking in and talking about sex before you have it is super important for queer sex. Not to mention that it’s extra important to talk about your STD status when two vaginas are in the mix. Vaginal condoms can be awkward, but there are other ways to stay safe including dental dams, using condoms on sex toys, changing condoms to avoid mixing vaginal fluids and using latex gloves. It might be awkward, it might be uncomfortable, but you have to make sure you’re safe along the way.

Also: you’ll notice that I keep saying “two vaginas” instead of two women. This is because your partner might not identify as a woman, or even like to call their genitals a vagina! And that’s okay! Check in to see what their preferred pronouns are and what words they like to use during sex to describe their genitals. Communication is always the best way to ensure comfort in your new expedition and will make your dirty talk even better.

 

Figure out what you like!

You’ve got the same hardware, so why not practice on yourself first? Before you start in on your partner’s vagina, focus on your own first. Figuring out what you like and how you like to pleasure yourself will teach you a lot about pleasing another vagina. So take some time alone and have a solo masturbation session or two to figure out what you like before you start having queer sex. Being able to describe what you like will help your partner pleasure you, and give you a lot of information as to how to operate the machinery, keeping in mind that we all like different things. Also: it’s fun!

 

Start Slow, With Your Hands

Okay, now that you’ve figured out what you like and how to talk about it, let me take a second to focus your attention on your hands. These are now some of your main tools for sex!

Make sure your hands are clean, nails trimmed and latex gloves ready to go because these bad boys are going to be your first line of action. When you and your partner are ready to touch one another, make sure you start gently, and use lots of lube. Everyone has a different sensitivity level, so no matter how confident you are with a vibrator or dildo, unless you’ve discussed something differently, I suggest you start with your hands.

Take some time to explore their whole vaginal area with your hands, and communicate a lot. Do they like it when you stroke them here? Or there? Do they like fast? Or slow? More lube? Or Less? Do they only want you to touch their clit? Or do they want a finger in their vagina? If so, how many? Start slow, work your way up, and stay in communication the whole time.

Also pro tip: if you do insert your fingers into their vagina, try to find angles where you can keep your wrist straight and instead thrust with your whole arm. You can even hold your wrist with your other hand if that helps. Believe me, it will make your new sex toy last A LOT longer and your wrist will thank you later.

 

Don’t focus on the big O

No one started playing basketball and immediately was amazing at throwing three point shots. When you first start having queer sex, it can be messy, take a long time, and be downright awkward.

But this my friends is about the journey, not the destination. Just because you didn’t give your partner an orgasm in the first 20 minutes, doesn’t make you a failure. In fact, the less you focus on orgasms, and instead put your attention on pleasure, the more likely you are to get good at queer sex. And because vaginas can experience multiple orgasms, when you do get there, it’ll be worth the wait. We’re in this for the long haul, for the experience, not for that cumulative cum shot. So stop worrying about their orgasm and start worrying about whether or not they enjoy it. You and your partner will have a lot more fun that way. I promise.

 

Explore from there!

If you want to employ a toy to help you explore the pleasure your vulva has to offer, try the Zumio! It’s a totally unique toy that uses rotation and movement to pinpoint the pleasure on your clit and surrounding areas. It’s like using a compass to find your orgasmic north star!

All these same tips apply to new introduction into your sex-repertoire: oral, vibrators, sex toys, strap ons, etc. Start slow. Communicate a lot. Check in constantly. Work your way up over time. You don’t want anyone to get hurt and ruin the whole experience. I promise you, you’ll work your way up to that crazy sex scene you’ve got in your head eventually. 

 

 


Tessa Skara is a writer and comedian. She is bravely bicoastal. She loves all things queer, including, but not limited to sex. Follow her on Instagram @tessafuckinskara.

 

text dom blog sex with emilyFor all the BDSM lovers out there, this ongoing quarantine may have put a wrench in your dynamic. On top of ordering face masks and keeping our hands clean, you might not have the ability to meet up as frequently as you’d like. Luckily, you don’t have to be in the same room to keep up with your Dom/sub lifestyle. You can keep your power dynamic at the tip of your fingers, through text.

Texting can be a great way to Dom someone. For one thing, your commands are right there in black and white – less room for misinterpretation.

Here are some ways you can Dom someone via text. As always, consent is key for any and all BDSM activity, including communicating via text.

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foreplay bedroom blog sex with emilyWhen you think of foreplay, do you think touching, kissing, massaging? And do you think that happens in the bedroom as simply a perfunctory “warmup” for the big deed? Like, say, 10 minutes worth?

Well, think again. Foreplay isn’t just for the bedroom. In fact, it can be a geographically diverse series of events! It should even start wayyyy before sex.

This article will help you prime yourself and your partner for a sexy night. Here are some things you can do to make the leading up to sex (almost) as good as the sex itself.

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summer dating blog sex with emilyIt’s June 20th, and summer is officially here! Right now, you’re probably itching to get outside and have some fun. If you’re dating, Coronavirus has changed the game in ways we couldn’t have imagined at the start of the year.

But hey – let’s roll with it, shall we? As the weather gets warmer, and quarantine keeps us spatially (notice I didn’t say “socially”) distant, the great outdoors can become our dating platform. Since we’ve been cooped up during quarantine, the outdoors is beckoning us.

Whether you are single or in a relationship, keep reading for some fun ideas for outdoor summer dates!

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play blog sex with emilyWith some states coming out of Covid-19 lockdown, many people are venturing out, having BBQs, trying to responsibly socialize and might feel like they have been let out of jail of social “confinement.” During the past few months of quarantine time (and especially since May was Masturbation Month), a lot of people have been focusing on masturbation as sexual release. Yay! But don’t let up on this focus just because you are potentially unleashed into the world and able to start to touch others.

This month is Pride month, and this year, our focus here at Sex With Emily during Pride is “playfulness.” In the theme of playfulness, finding new ways to play with your body is one of the best ways to spend Pride month!

Here are some ways you can “play” with your body.

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ally pride blog sex with emilyJune is the month of pride for LGBTQIA+ people all around the world. And though it’s a time for us to celebrate, you don’t have to be queer to join the party. Being a queer ally can feel like a complicated concept, but it just takes a little bit of work.

To be a queer ally, this year and every year, means coming in service to queer people, especially queer people of color. It’s listening and reflecting. It’s understanding how systems of oppression work and your role in dismantling those systems. It’s learning, but more importantly, it’s unlearning. 

Here are some first steps toward being a supportive ally.

 

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sex toys men blog sex with emilyMost people think that sex toys are just for women, but that is not the case! In fact, they can be an amazing addition to any man’s sexual arsenal. Whether you’re going solo or with a partner, toys can deepen your pleasure, increase your erection time, boost sexual satisfaction during partnered sex, and help you experience multiple orgasms.

Today, we are going to explore five key reasons why you should try out a new sex toy or two. Or four. Or more. Who’s counting?

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squirt blog sex with emilyAhhhh, squirting. The holy grail of female pleasure. The myth, the legend, the bed sheets!

Now whether or not you’ve squirted, you might be a little confused as to what exactly it is. Is it pee? Is it ejaculate? Perhaps a little super soaker some pornstars hide in their vagina? Truth be told, as with many aspects of vaginal health, there’s a lot of conflicting information about this aquatic phenomenon.

Today we’re going to set the record straight with this comprehensive guide to squirting. So, put on something waterproof, because we’re about to get wet and wild! 

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humiliation blog sex with emilyWhen we think about great sex, a positive and pleasure-packed experience is what often comes to mind. However, for some out there, it’s something a little darker that does the trick! All thanks to two little words: humiliation and degradation.

You’ve probably heard it and seen it. Perhaps it was while watching porn. Perhaps it was while watching a blockbuster film of a certain shade of gray. But erotic humiliation is yet another powerful way to spice up your sex play.

From exploring power dynamics to testing emotional boundaries, it’s something that – albeit may sometimes feel extreme – can open up a whole new world of intimate possibilities with the right partner.

Interested? Thought so. Let’s do a deeper dive:

 

FIRST OFF, THE BASICS

In a nutshell, erotic humiliation/degradation refers to getting aroused from the cocktail of emotions that come with being teased, demeaned and degraded. Humiliation includes belittlement, commands, sexual stimulation, etc. Degradation includes insults, name calling,  – the works.

On the mild side of the spectrum, it looks like someone calling you a “stupid little baby”. On the extreme side it looks like getting hogtied and orgasm-tortured while everyone at the sex party points and laughs. These acts under normal circumstances are the sorts of things that usually make people feel uncomfortable or shamed, but erotic humiliation completely flips the switch on those core emotions, plus so much more. 

 

Although erotic humiliation is popular within the BDSM scene, it’s also worth clarifying the two have a few stark differences. Unlike some kinky interests, erotic humiliation is not about the humiliation-causing acts themselves, rather the emotions they elicit. Humiliation is a form of submission, but not all submission has to entail humiliation/degradation tactics.

 

WHERE’S THE PLEASURE?

One person’s pain can be another person’s pleasure. Sexiness is subjective. It’s hard to pinpoint from where the appeal 100% stems. Sure, it’s easy to associate humiliation with that one embarrassing day in sixth grade gym class. But for many it can be a supremely, surprisingly freeing and healing experience. 

A huge element of sexual exploration is getting to dip your toes into things that are sometimes considered taboo. In the world of kink and fetish, there are endless types of power dynamic. Whether it’s a Dom/sub, DDlg, or furry play, carrying out something that safely and consensually pushes the boundaries of human experience can feel liberating without a doubt. This is especially true when doing it with a trusted partner that’s on the same page as you. 

 

MAKE IT YOUR OWN

What sets this one apart from some other fetishes is the fact that it’s subjective AND doesn’t even have to be inherently sexual. Since the name of the sensuous game is feeling humiliation, everything from the dialogue and physicality, to level of overt sexuality depends on those involved.

Some people find receiving it hot, others enjoy dishing it out, and sometimes it’s a mix of both. The humiliation can happen in public at a sex party, or in the privacy of your own sex dungeon. Despite the fetish looking different from situation to situation, the one non-negotiable is both partners truly knowing each other – and what words, tones and actions will actually drive it all home. 

 

SAFETY FIRST! (& HOW TO DO IT)

In addition to being on the same page with your partner, the other golden rule of erotic humiliation is that consent, as always, is absolutely everything.

Ahead of jumping into the hot and heavy action, having a candid conversation about what you how you want to engage in humiliation and degradation is the hands-down best way to kick things off. When playing with your emotions erotically, the experience can go in many different directions. It’s good to discuss and establish mutually agreed-upon boundaries, as well as have a safe word in your back pocket just in case. 

After it all goes down, you additionally want to allow some time for aftercare and not be afraid to talk about the experience in general. Not only will reflecting upon the experience help you figure out how you felt about it, but a joint debrief can definitely reveal what worked as well as what didn’t for improving upon moving forward. 

 

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When it comes to any fetish, you ultimately just have to do you. But knowing they are an insanely interesting way to explore some of the most basic building blocks to any healthy relationship…well, it just keeps things all the more interesting, right?

 

 


Alex Anderson is an LA-based lifestyle designer proactively raging against the cultural grain. By day she works in television production, and by night enjoys writing, sewing and seeking guidance from the stars. She also finally has an all black kitty named “Cher.” You can follow her alt-lifestyle blog MSFT Living and on Instagram!

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