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That’s What She Said (Or He Said!)

Many women have trouble orgasming, whether they’re with a partner or by themselves. Some have so much trouble, they think that an orgasm just isn’t in the cards for them. Putting so much focus and attention on something can actually be what’s keeping you from attaining your goal.
These thoughts of “I have to orgasm; come on it’s going to happen; you’re so close, just get there” can overwhelm your brain, making you miss the mark every time (or result in a mediocre orgasm). The best way to start your journey towards the big O is actually take climaxing off the table. Don’t worry about getting to the end, just enjoy the ride. 
Being in the moment during sex instead of driving towards a goal will make greater strides in your quest to orgasm than you think. Sex Coach Pam Costa shares her first experience letting go of her quest and how mind-blowing it became in her Down to There blog…

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Being tied up by a partner is a fantasy many have, but not nearly as many actually put this fantasy in motion. In order to let someone tie you up– even the person you’re madly in love with, you have to trust them whole-heartedly. They literally hold the reigns, tying you up in any way, constricting you, keeping you from control.
It can be hard to let someone have that much physical control over you, especially if that’s something you have an issue with. You might feel the urge to regain some control and direct them, but what if you fought that urge? What if you let go completely, and let your body give the feedback? 
Putting all of your trust in your partner may surprise you in a way you never thought possible. Sex Coach Pam Costa shares her first experience letting go and letting her husband tie her up in her Down to There blog…

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I’ve done it. After having the same sexual New Year’s resolution for two consecutive years, I have FINALLY popped my sex toy cherry… During sex that is. So, for all those hopeless souls out there who think they’ll never achieve the resolutions they’ve set out for (specifically the sexual ones), you WILL get there. It just takes time and the right person to come along.

What toy finally got its debut in my partnered sex life? The We-Vibe Pivot, a cock ring of orgasmic proportions. How was it, you ask? Well, let me tell you…

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I’ve been hearing about this Magic Wand for well over a decade now. Unfortunately, I was sexually stunted all through my 20’s, meaning I didn’t even buy my first vibrator until my mid 30’s. Mostly because the patriarchy still isn’t 100% on board with women’s pleasure. It doesn’t want sexually empowered lionesses who put our own needs, especially orgasms, first. No, women like us are a serious threat to the power structure and, therefore, have been slut-shamed into oblivion.

This kind of cultural brainwashing, plus my Southern upbringing, resulted in me being a sexual prude for a long ass time. A prude too ashamed to masturbate, even in college, despite the fact my friends were having threesomes by then. The fact I’d never been with a man who’d given me those fireworks-style orgasms probably had something to do with it, too. Either way, ignorance and shame turned me into a sexual Debbie Downer who just assumed orgasms weren’t in the cards for me.

Oh, how the tides have changed!  Continue Reading

Thanks to the gift to humanity that is Rupaul’s Drag Race, the world is now familiar with the terms like “shade,” “fish,” “read” and “sashay.” And it’s about time since the LGBT universe has long had a language all its own. This is doubly true when it comes to gay men describing sexual preferences and sexual acts. In fact, there are so many terms that it might seem like your gay bestie is speaking in code. But not to worry, I’ve compiled some of the best sexual terms used by gay men and their friends to help you describe your own sex life with all the colors of a big gay rainbow!

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Every straight woman I know has faked an orgasm. Some still do!

Girl, stop.

I’ve never been the When-Harry-Met-Sally kind of faker, but I’ve definitely moaned here and there and lied right to a guy’s face as he pealed the condom off and asked me if I came. It’s no surprise women do it, though. We’re raised in a culture that teaches us to revolve our lives entirely around men and their comfort, and sex is no different. Faking it is our way of helping them feel good about themselves– a call of duty if you will. Or it’s a way to not hurt their feelings when we’re tired, over it, or rubbed raw and just want him to get the f*ck off of us.  Continue Reading

June, in addition to being a month where you suddenly discover that you actually have friends who wear jorts, is also Pride month. As a community, we’ve got a lot to be proud of­­– marriage equality, increased visibility, new protection laws. All of this is well and good and worth wearing rainbow booty shorts (or jorts as the case may be) for.

But as a gay man, the road to being proud of myself, accepting myself and loving myself, hasn’t been an easy one. Especially when it comes to sex.  Continue Reading

Everything changes when you become a mom. Your body, your heart, your brain and your libido. It’s a top to bottom overhaul of the things that used to matter, the way you spend your time and money and your ability to remember your own name. You talk about yourself in the third-person using a generic label, and where your ass used to be is now just one long thigh. Your formerly sexy, confident and self-care focused self has left the building, and in her place is someone who cuts her own hair and has 3-week-old string cheese in her purse.  

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Masturbation has always been a touchy subject in relationships. How exactly do you go about it when you’re having sex on a regular basis? Does masturbating mean that you aren’t that into your partner? Does it mean your partner doesn’t satisfy your needs? What if one partner does it all the time and the other has never even tried?

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