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That’s What She Said (Or He Said!)

sex failureMany have equated the act of having sex to the act of eating pizza: even if it’s not that good, it’s still pretty good. Being that sex and pizza are my two favorite things in this vice-filled world, I would like to call bullsh*t. While it can be difficult for pizza or sex to be completely disappointing, it definitely happens. 

Hopefully the amount of crazy, amazing sex you’re having outweighs the mediocre and unsatisfactory bouts, but it’s not going to be sunshine and rainbows every time. For those of us who have had a good amount of sexual excursions in their life, there has tobe at least one horror story you’d like to keep behind closed doors. No matter how bad the sex is, though, it can always be worse. Much, much worse.

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giphy (99)There are certain things you can always count on from your girl friends.

They understand the healing power of a latte. If you need feminine supplies, they will not rest until the correct product is slipped discreetly into your hand. No matter how busy life gets, they will always down for brunch. And most importantly, if you are experiencing relationship troubles, they will be there at the drop of a hat to listen, analyze and give advice.

Even if it’s three in the morning and you’re freaking out over a text message laced with mixed signals, you know that all you need to do is put out the bat signal — like magic, they will materialize, wine in hand, to help you sort through the mess. It’s a beautiful thing, really. Continue Reading

80aa9932fbf389786d4cbc4af9979d6aAlthough I don’t remember the first time I stumbled across porn, I was definitely very young and quite uninformed. I’m sure I had but one stray pube, and was most likely beginning to struggle with my sexuality. At the time, porn served as entertainment, really. I didn’t even masturbate to it  because, in all honesty, I had no clue what was going on.

Nonetheless, it became a bit of a hobby of mine. And because all the boys at school were talking about it, I felt like I was part of the cool kids’ club. It was fun and innocent (kind of) at the time, but none us thought these images of porn gods and goddesses would skew our perception of the realities of sex.

Porn was our instructional manual, and until sex education came along (or didn’t come along, as the case may be) it was the only source of information we had. Continue Reading

a-tale-ofIt’s raining in Los Angeles. And it’s coming down hard. Out on the sopping wet streets, I can hear the crescendo of passing sirens getting louder and louder, then quietly fading to nothing. It’s probably cops. A lot of us Angelenos go kinda crazy when the weather gets like this.

I know, I do.

My lover telephones to say, “Sorry sweetheart, I won’t be able to make it.” (Well he sent a text, but you know what I mean).

I’m already climbing the walls when I get the news I’d be riding solo. And there’s no sign this rain is letting up anytime soon. The city is soaked but there’s an electric pulse in the air that makes your whole body hum with anticipation. A storm is coming in.

What’s a girl to do on a mad night like this? If you think I should watch a movie or curl up with a good book, then you don’t know what kind of a dame you’re dealing with.

No. There is only one thing to do. Well, two things to be precise… two very special things. And this is their story: a tale of two wands. Continue Reading

It’s that time of year again! The time when that cutie pie Cupid makes his rounds, leaving a trail of romance — and I think we all know what happens next. Restaurants get packed, giant teddy bears sell out like hotcakes and, come Valentine’s Eve, clothes will be coming off.

These lovely traditions were once necessary ingredients for the perfect V-Day, but these days, it seems like the majority of people are cooking up their plans from scratch… That is, if they’re not saying “screw it” and ordering out. The holiday just isn’t as impressive as it used to be. Now it seems like the day of love is bringing nothing but stress, heartache and the inevitable heartburn that follows the entire box of fudge you ate.

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large-2Consent. A seemingly simple concept that, for many reasons, is largely misunderstood. How can something as easy as a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ answer be so misconstrued, so often? Contrary to popular belief, ignorance is not always bliss. You may think you know when there’s consent, but unless you’re 100 percent on the same page as your potential sexual partner, the actual act of sex with them remains strictly a possibility. Continue Reading

light-person-woman-fireThe New Year (and a much-needed clean slate) has finally arrived, so out with the old and in with the new! But wait… let’s not leave behind all of the insights we gained.

2016 was a big year for me. I fell in love for the first time, diving head-first into my first-ever serious relationship, suffered through my first break-up, and made my first Tinder account (then deleted it, then downloaded it again).

Needless to say, it was a year of many firsts, and through the thick of my salty tears cut with throaty bile, I may have learned a thing or two. Or six, to be exact…

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tumblr_kybvz71-e1459799836950Finding a match these days can feel like finding a needle in a haystack, especially when you think about the fact that there are over 7 billion people on the planet. But instead of letting that overwhelm you, I like to think of all the potential.

Every time you leave your house, there’s a possibility of meeting your next great love (or next great hookup). It could happen at your local coffee shop, the dog park, a new cafe you’ve been wanting to try… Still, with all the possibilities for “meeting cute”, there are some people you may run into that should forever remain OFF the menu. Continue Reading

scratchingThe holidays can be a rough time of year. You have to save money to buy gifts, plan out dinners for family visits, make accommodations for traveling, all whilst having a cheerful heir about you. Geez. I’m already ready for a nap. But, there can be use of all this newfound frustration. Channel your inner aggressions towards the place where dreams and orgasms come true— the bedroom. It’s time to have some of that primal, rough, and carnal sex that’s built into our DNA!

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holiday-couple

Why is it, that the holidays can still inspire awe and wonderment… in adults?  Especially in our modern times, isn’t it fascinating that we still get so excited to celebrate old traditions and sing songs about Santa Claus? We know the truth behind that naughty Elf on the Shelf and we’re not likely to hear sleigh bells ring anywhere but the mall. Yet, somehow our eyes still light up and our hearts feel a little more full this time of year. Why is that?

Because love.

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