Christopher Columbus Cocked!
In 1971 the second Monday in October was designated as an official holiday to celebrate Christopher Columbus’s October 12, 1492, arrival in the Americas. To some, Columbus has a reputation for discovering the continent; to others, he is guilty of pure exploitation, mainly of land and Native American people. A sex act is even named after him in urbandictionary.com’s modern-day debasement.
UrbanDictionary.com, a web-based dictionary of words and phrases, calls Columbus ” greedy piece of genocidal sh*t who wasn’t the first person to find Americas” but “takes credit for it.” Definition #7 takes “Christopher Columbus” to new heights. To “Christopher Columbus” is:
An action taken on by a member of the male gender in which the male inserts his penis into the vagina of a virgin girl.
The term’s usage is exemplified with Garrett, a sexually frustrated boy who wants to have sex with the virgin Kristina:
Olivia (Kristina’s friend): What is Garrett’s deal? he seems really weird around you…
Kristina: Yea, I know… He wants to Christopher Columbus my Vagina.
Olivia: HOLY SH*T, I will not let him be your first!… I’ll knock him out for you.
We advise that horny Garret take advantage of masturbation toys, such as a penis pumps, Tenga Eggs, and masturbation sleeves rather than threaten Kristina with a Christopher Columbus. He can embrace nature in the process (unlike the supposed Discoverer of America) by using some Nature Lovin’ Lube.
Also, we note that while banks and many government agencies still observe Christopher Columbus Day, some states, such as (our lovely) California and Texas have removed Columbus Day as a paid holiday for workers and some, like Hawaii, do not celebrate the holiday at all.