Cooking up a Sex Storm

As more and more couples – couples with means and a love for domestic renovation – are moving into separate bedrooms, the importance of the kitchen and its role in sex is growing even more profound. So before your love life turns as cool as a cucumber, chew on the following:

Use Your Mouth

The first step to better sex is a better diet, so make sure your fridge is filled with products  packing circulation-enhancing Omega-3’s and L-Arginine. That means grains, green vegetables, hot pink salmon, and of course nuts. Don’t skimp on the protein, and if your body chemistry is anything like a mouse’s, plenty of yogurt may possibly be your ticket, as it has been shown to produce sleeker coats and bigger balls in our rodent peers. 

Use Your Hands

While ordering Thai food and slurping it out of the box may be the most efficient way to obtain the calories necessary for lovemaking,  nothing beats the intimacy of a home-cooked meal. So dust off the cookbooks you inherited from Grandma, venture boldly into your local produce aisle, and bone up on fancy French culinary terms so that you, in turn, can get boning. Or deboning, if you’re cooking fish.

Plenty of Dressing (up)

From “No Reservations” to “Chocolat” to at least three other chef-related rom-coms, there’s oodles of inspiration to draw upon when it comes to fantasizing about coital kitchen capers. For those into competition, throw your own sexual Iron Chef contest, or if you’re a good character actor, dress up like Gordon Ramsay and berate your lover into ecstasy. Wear only an apron the next time you cook, play the role of an overzealous server eager for a tip, or a baker who can only make suggestively-shaped pastries. The possibilities are limited only by your imagination, culinary skills, oven power, work schedule, and counter space.


And if all else fails, you can fall back on emphasizing the alcoholic content of your meal, then start pawing at each other.

Bon Appetit!

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