Dark Fantasies vs. Reality: Why Things Are Different in the Bedroom


You know them, you love them, and the fact of the matter is – everybody has them.

That’s right! It’s fantasies we’re talking. With Halloween just around the corner, it couldn’t be a more perfect time of year to give into a little darkness, and let it have its way with you and your sex life.

Before we get to all of that, it’s first worth begging the question: what’s the deal with these voluptuous visions to begin with?


Fantasy 101

When it comes to sexual fantasies, there are countless reasons we have them in the first place. They can be an excellent way to spice things up. Plus, it allows us to climb outside the box of normalcy, releasing our inhibitions to the ends of our sexual desires. All in a way that’s totally safe, and often times pretty creative, too!

The human mind is an incredible thing, and it’s amazing all the intimate places our imaginations can take us. So the fact most people have other sensual sides to their personality that may not be so prevalent in day-to-day life is anything but hard to believe. Which is why we turn to fantasy as a way to explore these other parts and express ourselves in a uniquely fulfilling manner.

To some that may be a no brainer, and they totally roll with the sultry punches. To others, it might be a challenge coming to grips that they find certain, more kink-laden scenarios arousing. Especially when those ideas don’t match up with the kind of person they see themselves as in “real life.”

So this is where darker fantasies start to enter the picture…

The Dark Divide

Nowadays you always hear about all the ‘unconventional’ types of porn that are popular across the Internet. There’s a special quality about fantasies in particular that enables them to reach some of the mind’s darkest corners, unlike anything else.

What’s crazy kinky to some might just be another Friday night to someone else. However, having erotic thoughts based in concepts like master/slave, intruders, objectification, humiliation and even rape isn’t all that uncommon in general.

Of course, you’d never want those things to actually happen in real life, though. 

So what’s the real appeal? And where does it even come from?

Whether they like it or not, everyone has a set of ideas that never fail to seduce the mind. While a lot of people never think twice about enjoying darker imagery that’s carried out on screens and pages, they often aren’t comfortable with accepting and expressing those same ideas as they exist in their own imagination.

We’re here to tell you why there’s no shame in getting down with your dark self:

More times than not, it’s the ‘forbidden fruit’ effect that makes the taboo things in life so tantalizing—which reigns especially true when deciding to act them out with a trusted partner.

Between the qualities of danger and knowing we aren’t supposed to like it but do, it’s easy to see how these dark scenarios can become enticing framework in the bedroom. Since you know you’re both consenting to it all, it can be extra liberating to really dive into the role play experience, without any fear of fear itself.

For example, in the bedroom, you want your partner to objectify you and use you as purely a sexual object – which can be really hot. In real life, however, you would never want some to think of you in that way, and especially not to act on it.

As long as you communicate openly with your partner to make sure everyone knows the critical difference in a fantasy brought to life versus a situation that’s gone too far, there’s no reason to feel self-conscious about the things that turn you on.


So whether it’s getting into the Halloween costume spirit, or just incorporating more role play into your otherwise sensual routine, empowering the dark side of your fantasies is great for celebrating the pleasure perks of make-believe versus reality. They always say fear and eroticism go mentally hand in hand. For something as innate as sex truly is, it makes sense the feelings naturally bring out our most intense desires.

After all at the end of the day, where else can we be more honest with our sexy selves than inside our very own heads?



Alex Anderson is an LA-based lifestyle designer proactively raging against the cultural grain. By day she works in television production, and by night enjoys writing, sewing and seeking guidance from the stars. She also finally has an all black kitty named “Cher.” You can follow her website (www.alexjanderson.com) and on Instagram (@AJAndMore)!

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