Dating Deja Vu: How to Break the Cycle


don jon betterChange is hard, and letting go of bad habits is even harder. Once in awhile though, you have to suck it up, realize that you’re an adult, and dispose of all the habits, vices, and routines that aren’t working for you anymore.

Whether it’s in your daily life or your dating life, there are certain patterns that we all tend to fall into. Most of us have a type; we wait three days to make the first call; we go to the same bar to pick up on the same people week after week. Then, we lay awake at night wondering why we’re still not satisfied in the love department…even though we’re doing the exact same thing over and over. 

Logic can be a crafty bitch clinging to the pains of reality, but doing the same things over and over and expecting different results is a pipe dream—one you’ll end up chasing forever.

With spring in full swing, it’s out with the old and in with the new! Time to drop the not-so-good dating habits that keep us in the cycle of despair, and replace them with new habits to bring us out of the dating dust.

Fix Your Picker:

Humans are interesting creatures; we have this interesting tendency to gravitate towards particular people who pique our interest, but we aren’t sure why. Whether it’s friends, lovers, or even a random passerby, the people we are drawn to are usually cut from the same cloth. Some like the bad boys, some like the damsel in distress, and some tend to fall for people who are toxic to them. Continually dating the same type of person can keep you in the same loop, so breaking the monotony is a refreshing way to change things up…Even if that means going out with someone who you previously would have passed right by.

duty dating

It’s called duty dating, and I swear—it works. When you date outside your typical realm of suitors, you meet a range of people you’d never be exposed to and personalities that differ from what you’re used to. It broadens your horizons, opens you up, and allows you to see people in a whole new light. Plus, it’ll help you realize what you need from a partner, rather than what you think you need. Maybe before it was drama and passion 24/7, but now it’s relaxing nights in, full of easy conversation and comfortable moments. What you thought you’d never want becomes what you’ve been missing all along. So, give that guy or gal you just aren’t sure about a try!

Date Like it’s Your Job:

Going to the local coffee shop every morning and scoping the babes is getting old. The bar down the street isn’t yielding results. The same people are walking in and out everyday, and it’s becoming apparent that other means of finding potential lovers are needed. But where do you go? What do you do?


If you wanted a job, you wouldn’t just sit around waiting to be discovered. You’d get out there and make it happen! Dating should be no different. Tell everyone you know that you’re single and ready to get your mingle on. Join a meet-up or take a class. Make time on the weekends or during the week to set aside for dates. If you’re on any apps, keep up with them. The only way to actively date is to be active, and to take action! Dating is your business and no business is successful without work and effort. Sometimes, the love of your life will fall into your lap, but most times you have to search for a lap to fall in. Take matters into your own hands so that you can bring matters into your own pants. Oh, and heart and all that.

Change Your Attitude:

Ugh, it’s so hard to date in (insert metropolitan area here). Regardless of where you live, someone has said this. Hey, maybe it was you. Sorry to say, but your location, the locals, and the era of modern dating cannot be your scapegoats forever. If you want to like dating and be successful at it, you have to change your mindset.


Ever notice that negativity follows those who are, well… Negative? What you put out in the world is exactly what you get back, so if you’re down on dating, you aren’t allowing positive opportunities to come your way. Positivity is attractive, and complaining is not. Be optimistic, see the glass as half full, and you’ll be surprised at how much easier and, dare I say, fun dating can be!

The Streets vs. The Screen:

There’s a divide in this dating world; either you’re against the dating apps or completely for them, and few are in between. Some people swear by their swiping success, and others believe it isn’t for them, which makes it tough to tell if the stigma remains.


Instead of sitting around trying to figure out if you’re for or against dating apps, just say screw the stigma and give them a try. If you only meet people out and aren’t having any luck, what’s the harm in a few swipes? People are finding love online everyday, so take a chance to see what all the hubbub is about. Conversely, if swiping is the only way you date, turn your notifications off and go off into the outside world. The transition back into meeting people the old fashioned way can be scary, but there is a whole world of people waiting to be met. A simple shake up to how you date can help you find what you’re looking for.

Be Honest and Upfront:

Dating is a game with a very comprehensive rulebook, and everyone’s got a different copy. What appears to be missing from most is almost the only rule that needs to be there: a little thing called honesty.


If you want a relationship, say that. If you want something casual, let it be known. The only way to stay on the same page with the people you date is to tell them what you’re looking for, and not what they want to hear. When you’re secretive about your wants, it makes your dating situation that much more complicated. Dating is complicated enough already, why not try to make it easier on ourselves and have our words and actions match up? Be honest with the person you’re dating, and more importantly, be honest with yourself. Don’t be casual if that’s not how you roll, and don’t commit if that isn’t what you want.

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In order to have a healthy dating life, you need to have healthy dating habits. A few small changes or new outlooks can make the difference in your search for love, whether you’re looking for something casual or long term. Make your own luck, have a dating epiphany, and turn dating from a chore back into fun!

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