Do vibrators desensitize?

Dear Emily,

My girlfriend needs to use a vibrator to get off, even when she is on top. And oral just didn’t get her there. Is it possible that she’s too used to the vibrator and my manual touch just won’t do it?




Dear Sam,

Despite all the myths floating around about vibrators, they do not destroy women’s vaginas. Conversely, they make it much easier for women to orgasm during sex, therefore enhancing the overall sexual experience. Most sex positions simply do not provide the clitoral stimulation women need to orgasm. Even woman on top isn’t enough stimulation for some women. It’s great that you’ve embraced vibrators in your relationship so that she can enjoy sex to the fullest.

However, there is evidence that suggests using a vibrator over an extended period of time can temporarily desensitize the nerve endings in the clitoris. Don’t panic, her clitoris isn’t going to get zapped into oblivion. It might just get a little less sensitive from time to time. It’s probably a good idea to take small breaks from using the vibrator. With any form of stimulation it feels the best when you haven’t had it for a while. It’s like having sex after a three month hiatus or finding your Hitachi Magic Wand tucked away in your closet. You feel like you’ve found god, even if just for the out of this world orgasm. Distance really does make the clitoris grow fonder. But not too much distance! Try taking a couple of weeks off the vibrator as an experiment. Thank god for cunnilingus to get through the vibrator withdrawals.

While some women need the extra stimulation of a vibrator to get off during sex, it shouldn’t be impossible for her to orgasm during cunnilingus. No matter how much a woman loves her vibrator, nothing beats oral sex.

You might need to brush up on your technique. Here are some tips for going down on her:

  • Don’t go straight for the clitoris. Even though it seems counterintuitive, start licking on the outside of the vulva and work your way in.
  • When you begin licking the clitoris, start softly and focus on the clitoral hood, located just above the clitoris
  • For your licks– at first alternate between wide licks and smaller licks on and around the clitoris. As she becomes more aroused, suck her clitoris into your mouth and rapidly flick your tongue across it
  • If she’s aroused and by some miracle you’re doing something right– keep doing it. This is not the time to get ambitious and try out something new. Even if you’ve lost all feeling in your tongue and you’re experiencing violent neck spasms–keep doing what you’re doing until she (hopefully) orgasms.

If you want her to orgasm during oral sex you’re going to have to dedicate a good chunk of time to licking her clitoris. You’ll probably get her there quicker if you ask her what feels good. See how she responds to your licks. She needs to give you constructive feedback. If her moans aren’t cutting it, have her tell you exactly what feels the best.

Also it might be helpful for her to sit on your face and gyrate her hips while you lick. This gives her control over the sensations and will help her get into it more.

I wish your girlfriend many orgasms to come, with and without a vibrator.








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