Do You Have A Dating “Type”? If So, It Might Be Holding You Back

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Photo credit: Jeffrey Horvitz queer aperture photography

By the time we enter our mid-twenties most of us have a “type.” We’ve all got a certain look we like- whether it’s the endless hunt for someone ‘tall, dark and handsome’ or your tendency to date guys with facial hair, it’s easy to find patterns in our dating history. Sometimes, our “type” isn’t limited to the physical. You might find yourself being attracted to bad boys- the kind that break your heart and don’t call but you still return their text messages months later- that’s a type.

Sometimes, having a type can help you. If you’re online dating it makes it that much easier to preset your height, body type, even astrological preferences. Having a type can save you both time and effort, you can be sure that you’ll be physically attracted to him as you let history repeat itself.

But sometimes having a type can hinder you. How do we grow if we don’t try new things? If you want to have a dynamic love life, you’ve got to date outside of your type!

Think outside the box. Not having a type will allow for the magic that happens when you actually like something you always thought you’d hate. Years ago, I missed out on eating escargot at a five star restaurant in Paris because I was being close-minded. It wasn’t until much later that I let go of my inane prejudice for the French delicacy that I discovered how yummy those garlic butter drenched snails really are.

Don’t judge a book by its cover. I’m always going for the lumberjack look, you know the guy- bearded, king of the slackers? Well, after years of going for that guy, my go to type, I was approached by a total nerd. This guy was a card carrying geek. He wore Tevas and had round wire-rimmed glasses. I immediately deemed him not my type and we became friends. He had a great personality but I never expected anything to happen between us because he was so far off from my type. After a few weeks of hanging out, something happened- he kissed me and the spark I felt was unlike the short lived charge I experienced with my lumberjacks. Our chemistry was unexpected and sort of wild- we ended up having great sex and to this day my nerd reminds me to keep an open mind when it comes to dating.

No filters! Admittedly, it can be super tempting to screen people by using their look, income, height, etc. but don’t do it! Use your common sense and trust your gut but allow an unfiltered collection of online daters to enter your world via a computer/phone screen. All you have to do is glance at their profile pic or read a short bio before you can tell whether or not you might be attracted to them. Try to filter outside your comfort zone. This will increase your chances of finding more matches and more dates.

A huge part of maturing as an adult has to do with new experiences. Broaden your horizon with dating people outside your type and you’ll be sure to learn something about the world and about yourself.
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Photo credit: jeffrey horvitz
queer aperture photography