Dudes & Nudes: Do Guys Have Common Sense Etiquette?
When it comes to sex, we all come to our own conclusions on how to deal with certain situations.
Whether it’s dating, pick up lines, oral, or anal, what seems to be the “right” way to go about things?
Ask Men wanted to know how much people, well men, know about bedroom manners, and to clarify some of their findings, they asked me to go over the results.
For a few weeks in September and October, AskMen launched a questionnaire, the guyQ test, in an attempt to find out the state of “guy knowledge” in 2017. Clearly, guys were engaged in the topic as over 21,000 guys participated in the 208-question survey. From the test, we learned some fascinating conclusions (here’s what guys nailed and failed). In particular, two questions stand out: one about nude pic etiquette and another about oral sex.
The nude pic question was this: Taylor is lying in bed one night when he gets a notification on his phone. His most recent hookup, Jasmine, has sent him an Instagram DM. He opens it — and sees that it’s a nude picture of Jasmine. She looks gorgeous. Taylor should: a) Not respond so she doesn’t think he’s desperate; b) Reply immediately and compliment her; c) Respond with a nude picture of his own; ord) Screenshot the nude before it disappears, for future viewing.
Texting “norms” being what they are, you might think you should wait a bit before responding (here’s when you should text her). A total of 7% of guys, including 866 men aged 18 to 34, thought the answer was ‘a,’ that delaying a text is key if you don’t want to look desperate. But, there’s a time and a place for games, and the text after a nude pic is not one of them.
Fortunately, most guys got the correct answer to this question; 83% answered that you should respond and compliment her right away. However, 1,288 guys (6%) thought it’d be the time to take a screenshot. “Guys need to remember that if someone chooses to share something private like a nude in a way that’s set to disappear, that means they don’t want you to have a permanent copy,” said AskMen Dating Editor Alex Manley.
We asked Emily Morse of SexWithEmily.com to break down the rules of sending and receiving nudes:
“Best practices for receiving a nude: receive, send confirmation and affirmation of nude, like ‘You look hot,’ then delete. Do not screenshot, send to friends, or store on your hard drive “spank bank.” For the sender, realize that chances are high that someone else besides your intended recipient will see this pic. So act accordingly, and if you need to leave out your face, I’m sure you’re nude will still be well received.”
There was also some confusion in the guyQ test about oral sex. Here’s that question: Umar and Jessica are hooking up and Jessica asks Umar to perform oral sex on her. Umar says yes — but he’s not very experienced and unsure what he should be doing, exactly. Umar should: a) Ask her what she wants, and then do that; b) Lick her clitoris in a lapping motion; c) Lick up and down her labia majora; d) Stick his tongue in and out of her vagina.
Sure, there are many guides on the internet about how to give oral sex (including on this site). And your buddy probably thinks he has the best “tricks.” But the best trick is to listen to the person.
“It’s most important that men pay attention while performing oral sex to how their partner is reacting to their moves,” Morse says. “If he’s lapping away at her clitoris and she’s not into it, it’s always best to ask what kind of moves feel best or ask her to show him with her own hands. When in doubt, guys should slow everything down and pay attention to her body. There’s a lot of information in the way she’s breathing, moving and (hopefully) moaning.”
For guys 50 and over, communication about oral sex is a given, 77.33 % got the answer right (a). But there seems to be a generational gap. Younger guys seemed to miss this one, just 51.49% of those 17 and younger were correct. “I think younger men are likely more inexperienced when it comes to the ‘best practices’ of oral sex,” Morse says. “I’d imagine that younger guys are more concerned with ‘Am I doing this right?’ rather than asking for further instructions.”
So yes, there are lapses in proper sexual behavior for some guys, but the vast majority know to delete nude pics and to always communicate with a woman during oral sex.