Financial Domination: A Pricey Fetish

financial domination blog sex with emily

financial domination blog sex with emilyThere are many different kinds of fetishes in the world. This fetish spotlight is on “Financial domination” (or “Findom” for short).

I find this fetish to be one of the most interesting – and often misunderstood. The sexual attraction in this fetish generally comes from the exchange of money. Financial domination “is a very real fetish involving a submissive being ‘forced’ to give money to the Dominant.” 

So what’s the deal? How does this fetish play out, what’s the appeal, and how do you get into it? Let’s unpack this kinky arrangement.


Money is the root of all…

Money may make the world go around, but in this fetish, cash really is king. Typically (though not always), this fetish involves a femme dominant (or “findomme”) forcing a submissive to pay her money or tributes. The submissive is often called a “paypig.” or “moneypig”.

At the heart of this fetish is power – but the power is in the form of handing over money or controlling someone’s money. Often, the act of financial servitude in this context gives the submissive pleasure in the form of erotic humiliation. For example, a paypig might get off on the feeling of humiliation when a Findomme tells them to send her $3,000 to spend on a Hermes bag just because she “feels like it.” To accompany the financial control, the  Findomme will also add to the humiliation by talking down to and mocking the sub.

What the dominant gets out of it can vary. According to the book Greedy: A Guide to Financial Domination, the attraction for the Domme can be about the sub’s appreciation and worship of you. “Being gifted and reminded just how amazing you are is a huge high for many of the women who engage within this fetish.” A Findomme can also get a high from the major power trip or even the sadism of humiliation.


Financial pain as pleasure

So many misunderstand Financial domination. Most commonly, people incorrectly think that the femme dominant simply makes money by tricking or manipulating a  paypig. Sure, there are countless Findommes out there on the internet using it as a business. But the core of the fetish is, again, power. Financial control is not always about paying the bills. Actually, some truly enjoy it as a fetish. In this fetish, the power of being able to make another adult human hand over cold hard cash for the sake of being humiliated or for being worshipped can be purely enjoyable for everyone involved.


It Works On Both Sides

The financial ruin or threat of ruin can be the enticing part of the fetish for paypigs. Some paypigs prefer a Findomme who spends their money recklessly and on frivolous things. Some Findommes set up wish lists on online store sites and take “tributes” from their paypigs. As one paypig talking to a potential Findomme put it:

“I would gratefully hand over my finances and let you ruin my credit score to help yours.”

As another submissive explained:

“Findom is merely another form of escapism for people who struggle with everyday life in this bizarre cash- and self-obsessed modern society.”

A submissive may make a one-time payment or the sub might turn over much more control to the dominant, even their bank accounts. Some even put their subs on a minimal budget. The attraction to the sub is aptly described in terms of sexual arousal:

“The arousal factor comes from the thought of the Domme invading the personal space that is your finances,… People measure their self worth with their money and so utilize it as a method of psychological self harm.”


BDSM Safety 

The boundaries of safe BDSM play need to be respected, even in this fetish, which often does not include the threat of physical safety. The real-life consequences of draining someone’s bank account or ruining their credit can be dire. This gets into the limitations on consent for someone who might be prone to go overboard submitting to financial domination, especially to an inexperienced stranger (Domme) who might not be able to read the signs of inhibited decision making.

In BDSM we have what is called SSC (Safe, Sane and Consensual) as well as RACK (Risk Aware Consensual Kink). This means that both the sub and Domme must acknowledge that the high of this fetish can cloud a submissive’s judgment and obscure true consent. Any Findomme must be able to read those signs. Risks to the sub in this fetish include, “financial ruin, addiction, loss of property, increasing debt levels, anxiety, psychological and physical harm (mostly through self-torture tasks…).”


How to explore this fetish

As addressed above, this is a risky fetish. Furthermore, financial domination has now largely proliferated due to the internet. Interacting with a stranger and handing over financial details of your life is a huge risk. You can dip your toes into exploring how you feel about this fetish by reading more from both paypigs and Findommes. Fetlife has many forums and writings on domination, financial included. Educate yourself. Know the legal ramifications. If you have a trusted dominant already in your life, you can ask them if they would consider doing some Findomming of you. Start small. Negotiate hard limits. You can even try this fetish without actual money exchanging hands.


Emily Anne is a bestselling author, sex coach and educator, who specializes in helping people expand their sexual horizons through BDSM and kink. When she’s not obsessively talking about sex, she’s hiking through the Hollywood Hills. Get some sexy education on her Instagram feed!

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