Finding Someone Without Losing Yourself

losing_self_relationship_aWe all have that friend that is around all the time, but as soon as they are in a new relationship, they completely disappear. And then sometimes… That person is us. When we’re so consumed with that feeling of newfound love, it’s hard to remember all of the other things in our life that bring us joy on a regular basis, like our friends for example, our hobbies or even our families.

It’s okay to take interest in your beau’s life, but you shouldn’t let this new person—who’s been around for a total of five seconds—consume your own life in the process.

Here are a few things not to lose sight of when trekking into a new relationship..

Don’t Ditch Your Friends.

Your love is fresh, new, and exhilarating, and you never want it to stop. Every minute of everyday, you’re either with your S.O. or you’re counting the seconds until you see them again.  When all you’re thinking about is this special person, it can be pretty easy to let the other people in your life fall by the wayside, especially if your beau wants you all to his/herself. You may not even notice that you’re doing it, but you start to flake on plans, you miss text messages and calls without returning them, and you rarely initiate seeing anyone but your S.O. Although your friends love you and I’m sure they miss you, they may not be around when you finally decide to give them attention. And your truest friends will most likely stick around, but neglecting them isn’t exactly BFF behavior. In fact, it may cause them to resent your relationship.

Create a balance between your friends and your love. Your friends will be happy that you are scheduling time for them, plus it will give you and your S.O. time to miss each other. Better yet, you’ll end up having more things to talk about with that special person in your life because you aren’t always together. I don’t know about you guys, but I love seeing the excitement on someone’s face when they tell me about their day.

Don’t Give Up on Your Goals.

Too many times I have seen my friends enter into a relationship and lose sight of their dreams.  They started out with aspirations that they wanted to attain, but then they fell in love. Suddenly it seemed that they hit a huge roadblock on their path to achieving their life goals, yet it didn’t seem to phase them at all.

It’s one thing to change your goals, but it’s another to let a relationship overshadow what you really want out of life. As much as we want to believe it, love is not enough to make your life complete and your happiness everlasting. It’s fine to want to build a life with your partner, but that doesn’t mean you should destroy the one you built before them. Even if the love you feel for this person feels like it’s powerful enough to consume every part of your being, remember that what you want out of life is just as important.

Instead of investing all of your energy in one person’s dreams and completely abandoning all previous life plans, motivate each other to accomplish what you’ve set out for! When both of you are confident in yourselves and each other, your relationship will grow right along with you. You both will appreciate the other for the support and there won’t be that nagging feeling that your life is missing something.

Don’t Forget Who You Are.

This is something that I see far too often; the people who form into one being when they get serious in their relationships. Not only are the two always hanging out, they are never without each other. Like, inseparable. Plus, they become creepily alike. They use all the same phrases, eat the same foods, change their hobbies to match… The list is endless. When you hang out with anyone often, it’s natural to develop similar characteristics, but these couples practically become carbon copies of each other. Sorry folks, it’s not cute. It’s just weird. It’s great you genuinely enjoy each other’s company, but you’ll lose what makes you you in the process.

As cute as the celebrity couple name mash-ups are, those people still have separate lives, jobs, and accomplishments that set them apart from each other. Just because we love to say “Brangelina” doesn’t mean we don’t also associate Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie as two separate individuals. There is no way to tell how long your relationship is going to last, and you don’t want to be completely lost if it comes to an end. While it can be easy to neglect yourself when putting someone else’s feelings above your own, loving yourself and knowing who you are will make you a better lover.

Something to Keep In Mind…

Great relationships are always made of two great individuals who share their lives. Two people who love each other for their differences, encourage each other to follow their passions, and allow each other to spend some time with friends will have a better relationship than the ones that smother each other. Living life together instead of living life as one will keep you from losing yourself when you’ve found someone else.

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