Genital Confidence Energy 

genital confidence energy blog sex with emily

GCE Blog Sex With EmilyI’ve been hearing the term BDE (Or Big Dick Energy) floating around for a while now. I really like the vibe of it, but the specific definition…not so much.

The idea is that having a “big” dick makes you more confident, calm, and self-assured. But the notion of penis size equating to penis value is an outdated, inaccurate, and hurtful one. It also leaves vulva owners and intersex or genital non-conforming folks out of the fun.

So I propose my own version instead; Genital Confidence Energy or GCE!



So, What Is Genital Confidence Energy? 

Genital Confidence Energy (GCE) is the feeling of knowing you have great genitals. It’s when you completely accept your genitals for what they are. You love them, celebrate them, and aren’t afraid to let people know! Now don’t get me twisted and think you have to get weird and start whipping them out at parties or anything. In fact, please don’t do that. Unless it’s a sex party… okay, let’s get out of my daydream and back on track. 

When you have awesome GCE you have a quiet inner confidence. One that comes from knowing you are at peace with yourself. Insecurities about your genitals can manifest in your day to day life and social interactions, but when you have GCE those are long gone. 

Imagine the way a 2-year-old feels about their lovely round belly or sweet little hands. They just love their bodies without question, judgment, or shame. You were once that two-year-old, and you loved your body just as fiercely. The truth is, nothing has changed about you since then, it’s just that body-negative and sex-negative social and cultural influences have crept in. 


The Five Steps To Embodying Mega GCE

It’s time to get back to the place of radical self-acceptance and body confidence. But how do we do that? Lucky for you I have 5 easy steps that I use with my clients, free for you here today. So let’s get into it! 


1- Witness Yourself 

The first step to embracing some major GCE is grabbing a mirror and taking a good look at your genitals. Notice everything that you can, without any judgments. Just observe yourself with curiosity. Witness the shape of your testicles, the color of your labia, the size of your glans clitoris and the way it’s covered (or not) by your clitoral hood. 

How does your hair (or lack of it) look? Notice the gentle slopes, curves, and creases of your body. If your brain tries to wander to a negative or critical place, just gently steer it back to a loving mindset. These are your genitals, with a variety of skills, and a wealth of pleasure potential. Not a place for carrying judgment or shame. 


2- Representation Matters

Next, search for representations of your genitals. You may want to check out erotic paintings, nude photographs, ethical pornography, or even through online forums celebrating “normal nudes” like the vulva gallery (warning, it’s NSFW). There are even amazing in-person events like Take Back The Speculum, where educator Pamela Samuelson teaches healthy sexual anatomy, provides an opportunity to participate in the Gallery that Destroys All Shame, gives a demonstration of a cervical self exam, and an opportunity for all participants to examine themselves (and, if desired and permitted, observe others) under supervision. 

Representation is so very important. When we can see depictions of our own genitals in others, it helps remind us that while everyone is different, we also have beautiful similarities with other folks. This is a particularly important step if you have insecurities about a specific part of your body. 

For example, a person with concerns about the size of their inner labia, or the angle of their penis can search and see other folks with similar genitals being celebrated. It’s such a glorious and important step in boosting your genital confidence energy. 


3- Talk About It

It may feel a bit awkward (or perhaps even terrifying) at first, but the next step to getting amazing GCE is talking about your parts! Ideally, it’s best to do this in person, but if that feels too daunting to you, feel free to try using internet resources first. 

It doesn’t have to be a big scary conversation either, try just telling a friend a bit about your impression of your genitals. Ask for their experience with their own parts. You may want to share some insecurities, or hopefully by now, some pride points about your bits.

Being able to openly talk about your genitals helps remove the stigma and shame around them. When we operate in a space of silence, it can imply there is something inherently wrong. There isn’t and normalizing genitals through conversation can be very cathartic and fun! 


4- Celebrate Your Genitals

This is my favorite step, it’s time to celebrate your genitals! You can do this in any way that feels resonate for you, it’s important that it’s a personal experience. It may feel scary at first, but the more frequently you practice celebrating your genitals you can lay down new neural pathways. This means your brain will start to believe the truth; that your genitals are perfect and amazing. Here are some of my favorite ways to celebrate your most intimate areas:


  • Taking beautiful photos of them.
  • Drawing, painting, or even sculpting genital portraits.
  • Sensual self-massage (bonus points if using an incredible cannabis arousal oil like Awaken).
  • Buying beautiful lingerie, items that feel worthy enough to adorn your incredible genitals.
  • Using high-quality toys and lubricants.
  • Decorating your pubic area with press-on jewels.
  • Crowning your regal genitals with draping jewelry.


Those are just a few fun ideas, the genital celebration world is your oyster, so do what feels right for you. 


5- Exude Your GCE!

Now you’re ready to go out into the world and exude all your magnificent GCE. If you’re still feeling a bit nervous or shy, that’s completely understandable. As the old adage goes, fake it till you make it! Think about what ‘version’ of yourself might feel really confident in their genitals and then try to embody them. Before you know it, you’ll be full of GCE! 


Isabella Frappier is an Australian ex-pat living in LA, who swapped gumtrees for palm trees. She’s a writer and a holistic Sexuality Doula, who specializes in body literacy, sexual sovereignty, and BDSM.
She is also a host on the popular new Sex Magic Podcast. When she’s not busy championing her sex positive agenda, she—oh wait—she’s always busy doing that. Follow her adventures on Instagram.
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