Getting Sexually Literate: Gagging, Harnesses, & Impact Play


Join us today on part three of our Sexual Alphabet exploration, as we uncover the safety and sexy aspects of gagging your lover, the hedonistic delights of harnesses, and the intrigue of impact play. 

These acts all require a bit of safety knowledge, so make sure to take notes before diving in.


G is for Gagging.

Sexually gagging your partner can be a whole lot of fun, and if you’re curious to try it out, but not sure where to begin, we got you!  There are several different ways to explore gagging, and some important safety aspects to be aware of. Safety always comes before you do, so let’s do our homework together.

Safety Tips

With most gags, the recipient loses the use of speech, which can be extremely erotic. However, this also limits the ability to use a safe word – which is much less erotic. Never fear, there is a quick and easy solution to this debacle. Simply give your gagged partner an item to hold in their hand. If they drop it, it’s time to check on them. The bountiful pleasure you bring them might be enough to make them loosen their grip accidentally, so in that case, you can also have an agreed upon ‘safe gesture.’ This signals you to check in with them. 

Another safety consideration when it comes to gagging is safe breathing, so please make sure that the nostrils are clear and unobstructed when first gagging your partner. No tape over the nose, and if they have a cold and feel a bit congested, it’s best to skip the gags that day.

Even with correct safety measures, it’s still a good idea to check in on them throughout the session to make sure they are feeling okay physically and mentally. A thumbs up or down from them should suffice as an answer.

Last safety tip, please don’t put loose items in your partners mouth. This might look fun and sexy in the movies, but is actually really dangerous, especially for newbies trying out gagging. Any loose item like panties or a silky scarf that stuffed into your partners mouth and then taped shut can easily be breathed in, causing choking and potentially suffocation. Stick to the classics, like a ball gagbit gag, or even some bondage tape. If you’d really like their mouth to be filled, a dildo gag will certainly do the trick.

Gag Tips

Okay, now that you’ve got the safety basics and your instrument in mind, it’s time to temporarily decommission one of your partners holes. First, it’s important to discuss each person’s expectations and boundaries, which is also a great moment to bring up any fantasies and kinks that you’d like to explore together. You don’t have to plan out the entire session, just a few basics as a springboard for your sexual exploration. Next, make sure all sex toys, including the gag or gags, are sterile and ready to use. Try laying out any toys you’d like to play with in a beautiful pattern on the bed, to surprise and delight your lover.

Gags can be paired with playtime pleasures such as bondage, Dominance and submission, and roleplay, or just as a fun sensual aid in the bedroom. If you’d like to really explore sensory deprivation, try a full “see no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil,” and pop in some earplugs and a blindfold! The possibilities are endless.

Gagging your partner can be sensual, kinky, fun, erotic – whatever your desire is to explore. It’s a wonderful time to increase your vocals during sex, when your muted partner can’t reply. Enjoy asking them questions and watch them squirm, unable to respond. Describe in detail the ways you are going to please or torture them.

As long as it’s safe, sane, and consensual, gagging can be a lot of fun. Now go shut your mouth!

H is for Harnesses.

Harnesses have recently gained a lot of popularity, even outside of the BDSM community. Body harnesses are often worn outdoors now as a modern, edgy fashion accessory.

With a wide variety of types and purposes, there’s something for everyone when it comes to a harness. If you’d like to penetrate a partner with a dildo, you can use a harness to keep it in place during penetration. Some harnesses even come with a little pocket that fits a bullet vibe, to give additional pleasure to the wearer.

A chest or waist harness can be an aesthetic indulgence, worn inside or outside the bedroom to add a mysterious and seductive element to any look.  

A full-body harness is made up of a series of straps, which together cover the whole body, and is fully adjustable to allow personalized comfort to the wearer. It’s often used during bondage play, to secure a submissive in position, or even suspend them from a hook in the ceiling.

You can always make your own harnesses too, out of rope and knots, but check out our bondage beginners article first, for the safety and basics.

I is for Impact Play.

Inviting impact play into your bedroom might be intimidating, exciting, daunting, or even all those emotions at once! Impact play involves consensually striking your partner with hands, toys, and tools.

It’s important to make sure that you and your partner are on the same page, with clear boundaries and expectations in place, as well as a sense of the safety basics.

Once you’ve done the groundwork, you’ll want to prepare all your clean sex toys and impact tools, and have them laid out ready to use. Having an equipped impact tool belt doesn’t have to be elaborate or expensive either. In fact, there are many household items that make adequate impact tools. Try a wooden spoon, a leather belt, the back of a hairbrush, a feather duster, and a silicone whisk are just a few of the endless possibilities.

There are two main types of sensations inflicted from sensation play, ‘thuddy’ and ‘stingy.’ The recipient or ‘bottom’ may enjoy one more than the other – or both equally. While it is up to the giver of the impact (or the ‘top’) to decide how and when to deliver the blows, and which type of impact, it’s important to keep it fun for the bottom. Some recipients of impact play may be masochists, and truly enjoy pain, finding it brings them pleasure. Some may prefer the heavy dull thuds, and some may just be curious to explore. You can always increase the intensity of your impact sessions over time, so there is no need to start too painfully.

A wonderful way to begin exploring is to play One-to-Ten with your partner. With all your tools and your play partner laid out for you, experiment one by one with each tool. Try different levels of impact, different body parts (avoiding bony parts and the kidney area), and vary your stroke. The flick of a wrist can make a world of difference between a wooden spoons sting or thud. Have your bottom rank each strike on a scale of One to Ten, but do bear in mind that their pain threshold may raise or lower throughout the course of a session. It’s extra fun to have them say “That is a two Mistress,” instead of just “two,”punishing them if they mess up.

Not only is this game a lot of fun to play, it gives you invaluable insight in how to orchestrate the best session for your partner. Don’t forget to give your bottom lots of treats and rewards for good behavior, such as a nice turn of a Magic Wand in between blows.


We hope you enjoyed this installment of our Sexual Alphabet Exploration, stay tuned for next week’s addition!



Isabella Frappier is an Australian writer, holistic life coach, tarot reader, birth doula, and apothecarist who is currently based in LA. When she’s not busy championing her sex positive agenda she… oh wait – she’s always busy doing that. You can connect with her at or follew her Instagram @bellatookaphoto!
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