Getting Sexually Literate: JOI, Knife Play & Lactation


Part four of our Sexual Alphabet exploration is all about experimenting with instructing your partner’s masturbation, the dizzying edges of knife play, and the world of erotic lactation.

These most likely have not shown up on any lists you’ve seen before, but are sensual practices many get pleasure from.

So, let’s expand our sexual horizons, shall we.

J is for JOI

JOI stands for Jerk Off Instruction, and covers the skillful arts of storytelling, commanding presence, and sexual imagination. It involves instructing someone on how to masturbate, what to think about, and when to orgasm. When depicted in pornography, it can be audio only, but more often it also has a visual accompaniment. This is usually just a woman’s face as she speaks, though sometimes is a full body visual, with her even simulating the descriptions.

It is most traditionally practiced by women instructing men, but that’s not always the case. Screw tradition! Let’s all enjoy jerk off instruction regardless of gender and sexual identity.

While it’s often practiced within the BDSM community as an aspect of orgasm denial, the fun of JOI can be brought into any bedroom. You don’t even have to be an eight on the kink scale.

Experiment by telling your partner you’d like to try something different for some foreplay. Ask them to touch themselves in the way they would if you weren’t watching, somewhat like mutual masturbation. However, in this situation, periodically demand they pause. If you enjoy the suspense, build up the tension even more by telling them they may touch other parts of their body, but not their genitals, before finally allowing them to return.

Remain present and notice what aspects of their masturbation arouses you most, and ask them to do those most frequently. You can let them climax if your heart desires, or end the JOI and get involved in some fun together.

K is for Knife Play

Knife play is a BDSM term which involves the consensual use of knives during sex. Contrary to common belief, it is not always combined with blood play, but can be. This is a type of edge play that pushes the limits of societal constructs around sex. It can be mentally and physically dangerous, so it’s important to be risk-aware before introducing it into your sex life. Even though we are not covering intentional skin cutting today, knives are still a weapon, and require vigilant attention when used in the bedroom.

Knife play has two main points of appeal – psychological stimulation and physical stimulation. Both types require informed consent, careful planning, open and honest communication, and a good understanding of how to safely wield a knife. If you’re naturally clumsy, this may not be the best activity for you. 

The mere presence of a knife in the bedroom may be enough to stimulate a psychological response, and can be used to instil some erotic fear, or re-inforce control. If you’re keen to try some kinky role play, a knife can be a creative addition to your sexual repertoire. Sexual interrogation in particular is a popular combination with knife play. For example, you could brandish your knife and threaten your play partner as you demand answers from them.

Sensation and psychological stimulation can also be combined with knives. The advanced move about to be described should only be proceeded with skill, caution, consent, and communication.

Perhaps after ‘kidnapping’ or ‘interrogating’ your partner, you tie them up and lightly drag the knife over their skin (not breaking it), as you describe the things you’d like to do to them. You can then blindfold them, and while continuing to lightly graze their skin with the knife, describe which hole you are going to use to penetrate them with the knife. Do not penetrate anyone anywhere with a knife in this role-play. REPEAT: DO NOT ACTUALLY PENETRATE THEM WITH THE KNIFE. The idea is you swap the knife with another tool once they are blindfolded. If your knife was cold, try a chilled glass dildo, metal speculum, or even just a finger or two.

When practiced safely, knife play can be a refreshing addition to any sexual routine.

L is for Lactation

Erotic lactation is defined as sexual arousal from breastfeeding between consenting adults. It’s often referred to as adult suckling, adult nursing, or adult breastfeeding. A ‘lactophile’ is an individual interested in erotic lactation, and is sexually aroused by drinking breast milk, watching a woman lactate, having sex with a lactating woman, or any combination of these elements. A relationship that involves sexual gratification from adult breastfeeding is often referred to as a nursing couple, or Adult Nursing Relationship (ANR).

This article is specifically covering the fetish or kink of erotic lactation between consenting adults, and in no way involves traditional breastfeeding between a parent and infant. Erotic lactation is still so taboo most likely as a result of societal compartmentalization of mothers, as well as the concepts close proximity and association with children.

However, when practised in a safe and healthy way, can be quite enjoyable for two (or more) consenting adults. Sometimes the breast-owning person is lactating as a result of pregnancy and/or childbirth. Occasionally, lactation is attempted to be induced via a combination of suckling and breast pumps, with varied success. Other times, the lactation is simply simulated, with or without props (such as non-human milk).

Erotic lactation can involve ‘ageplay’, a term which describes a consenting adult actively age regressing with their partner, who may play a mommy/daddy role. The desire for erotic lactation can be enhanced by pregnancy, but many individuals also enjoy post-pregnancy lactation since there is more breast milk during this period.

Just as with any aspect of human sexuality, there’s a wide spectrum of variance in a lactation fetish, and it is practiced with varying degrees of intensity. Even if you’re not interested in lactation sexually, it would be wonderful if the world could be more accepting of women’s bodies, as well as understanding mothers are also sexual beings.


We hope you enjoyed this installment of our Sexual Alphabet Exploration, stay tuned for next week’s addition!



Isabella Frappier is an Australian writer, holistic life coach, tarot reader, birth doula, and apothecarist who is currently based in LA. When she’s not busy championing her sex positive agenda she… oh wait – she’s always busy doing that. You can connect with her at or follew her Instagram @bellatookaphoto!
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