Getting Sexually Literate: Voyeurism, Worship & X-Frame

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We’re getting into some interesting, sexy play in this edition our Sexual Alphabet exploration.

 

Today, we’ll be taking you on a voyage into voyeurism, explore the wonders of worship, and get strapped in for some restrictive fun.

 

 

V is for Voyeurism

Voyeurism involves watching an activity without participating in it. You may be familiar with the sensation if you’ve ever watched The Bachelor! Sure, it’s fun to laugh and cry along with the contestants, mourning the heartbreaks and gasping at each twist and turn. Fortunately for you, though, your heart is secure in the safety of your living room. You can enjoy all the emotions with none of the real life ramifications. For those who enjoy sexual voyeurism, it’s similar. Expect everyone is banging, not just one undeserving dude in a room of beautiful women, (I’m looking at you Arie).

Okay moving on from my Bach’ fueled anger, let’s get back to the sexy topic of Voyeurism. I need to first begin by addressing consent. There is a light and a dark side to voyeurism, as not all ‘watchers’ have first gained the consent of the people they are watching. Consent is key to all healthy sexual encounters, so please don’t watch anyone being intimate without their consent.

With that said, let’s get into the good stuff. First, there is some amazing voyeurism erotica, both in the written word at www.literotica.com, and of course on some of the more mainstream porn sites. While I’m on the topic, please pay for your porn to support the artists and crew. Sites like www.burningangel.com and www.erikalust.com are both incredible sites with female produced and directed content, and both have voyeurism videos.

There are many wonderful ways to get involved with voyeurism that are a little more…hands on. If you have a sexual partner, you could ask them to masturbate so you can watch. You could experiment with making your own sex tape and enjoy watching it back afterwards. You could place some mirrors strategically around your house and take your partner on a sexual tour of each one. For those of you who are single and own a penis, you can try a Fleshlight Ice and watch as you stroke yourself. If you have an ethical non-monogamous relationship, why not try asking your partner if you could watch them play with another person?

Another great way to explore voyeurism is through ‘play parties,’ which are consensual group sex parties, with a lot of variance on theme, rules, and structures. Most play parties have the basic rule that the only automatic consent given is being watched. Having said that, it’s still very cool and respectful to check in with people and politely ask if it’s okay to watch them. Additionally, if you plan on touching yourself while watching, clear that with the person first. Also, be careful to give them enough physical space to respect their boundaries.

One of the many beautiful things that can come from Voyeurism is learning. Observing the way people move, kiss, lick, what some people do and don’t seem to respond well to, can be a wonderful opportunity for exposure to a range of sexuality. Of course every body is a different body, so you’ll still have to learn your partner’s pleasure.

W is for Worship

Body worship is a term used in the world of BDSM, which usually refers to a submissive paying homage to a body part (or the whole body) of their Dominant. Some of the most common areas for worship are muscles, ass, feet and/or shoes, as well as the genitals.

The submissive usually worships just one body part, with as much permission as the Dominant grants. If they do a good job, the Top may allow them another body part. For example, a sub may be licking their Mistress’s feet, and if they get them nice and shiny she may allow them to pleasure her vulva. Worship does not have to be just through licking and kissing though, the mouth can also be used for vocal worship. Something along the lines of, “What beautiful feet you have Mistress, may I have the great honor of showing my appreciation of them by licking?” should do nicely.

While the sub can usually be as mouthy as they like, most Tops receiving worship are often aloof and quiet. This is not required of course. Go with the flow when trying this, and talk as much or as little as you’d like. 

Even though worship is traditionally performed by the bottom on their Top, that’s not always the case. A Top may enjoy kissing every inch of their property – admiring and praising it with their words. Of course, a vanilla (non-kinky) couple can absolutely enjoy this activity, too. It’s fun for everyone!

There can be much more to worship than just body worship. Try setting up an altar or shrine to your Dominant. You could even make up your own ‘prayers’ to say to the altar at the times of their choosing.

If you have a service-oriented submissive on your hands, have them wait on you hand and foot, praising and thanking you for the opportunity. You could also request other practical acts of worship, such as painting your toenails, cleaning your bedroom, polishing your leather, whatever you need.

Worship can be a very tangible way to show your love and devotion to your partner(s), so if you’re curious, ask them if they would like to dabble with you. You don’t need to be into BDSM to enjoy this one. If you’re nervous to bring it up, you could always show them this article and blame me. I don’t mind at all!

X is for X-Frame

Ah, X-Frames. So much more fun than an X-Ray. It’s name is derived from its appearance, and is a well known staple in BDSM furniture. Sometimes, it is known as a ‘St. Andrew’s Cross.’ An X-Frame is usually made from wood or metal, and is an upright cross, with restraining points at the wrists, ankles, and occasionally the waist also.

X-Frames need to have several important safety aspects, the first and foremost being stability. A free standing X-Frame that isn’t correctly stabilized could easily be toppled over by a wriggling submissive, causing massive injury. Massive. Attaching it securely to the wall is a great solution to this problem. You should be familiar with basic bondage safety before attempting use, as well as having an understanding of a safe D/s dynamic.

Okay, on to the fun stuff! So there are two main options with an X-Frame, which are front or back facing. Back facing, meaning the participants back faces you, is perfect for punishment time. Whipping, spanking, paddling – you name it. It also provides greater ease of access to the back door, so why not try an anal dildo while using it. Facing backwards may also increase the participants feelings of humiliation and/or objectification, which is great if you’re into that. Also, something to be mindful of if you’re not.

Having the restrained person facing you provides a lot more creative freedom. Their sweet face to stroke, their lovely front parts to pleasure or tease, a mouth to kiss… but I digress. Both have their pros and cons. There’s no reason you couldn’t take your submissive down midway through the session and spin them around to enjoy the best of both worlds.

The end result of being attached to an X-Frame – regardless of the direction – is the participant being spreadeagled, and unable to move.  This opens them up to a world of pleasure or pain, all at your benevolent or sadistic hands.

If X-Frames might seem exciting yet unapproachable, an easier way to dip your toe in would be some under-bed restraints, which give you the same result. Your partner will just be laying down instead of upright. Either way, it’s a whole lot of fun!

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We hope you enjoyed this installment of our Sexual Alphabet Exploration. Stay tuned for next week’s addition!

 

 

Isabella Frappier is an Australian writer, holistic life coach, tarot reader, birth doula, and apothecarist who is currently based in LA. When she’s not busy championing her sex positive agenda she… oh wait – she’s always busy doing that. You can connect with her at www.isabellafrappier.com or follew her Instagram @bellatookaphoto!
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