Growing, Not Plateauing: 10 Tips For Healthy Relationships

growing blog sex with emily

growing blog sex with emilySo, you’ve been with your significant other for a while: congratulations! You went through the early jitters, the butterflies, the heart eyes emojis. And now? You’ve hit the part of the relationship that’s just like everyday life: a little stagnant and at times boring.

Every honeymoon phase comes to an end, and finding ways to navigate the relationship through the years is where the real work takes place. Relationships are like house plants: you have to care for them everyday, or one morning you’ll wake up to the withered remains of a hanging plant you really loved, thinking “wow, it really came to this.” Here’s some tips and tools to stay growing in your relationship, and not plateauing!




To truly grow together with a deep emotional connection, you have to be committed to growing. Having a conversation about commitment and what that means in your relationship is super important. By discussing monogamy vs. non monogamy, time commitments, obligations, and other boundaries and expectations in your relationship, you’re creating a blueprint together as to what you want your relationship to look like.

By showing your partner that you’re committed to growing and maintaining the expectations and boundaries of the relationship that you’ve decided on together, you’re showing that they can trust you and open up. 



Telling your partner how you feel, in a respectful way, is truly an art form. Show your partner you care by being honest with them. Make time to talk about your relationship without judgement or animosity. Arguing is not a failure! Studies have shown that it is a healthy component to a long term relationship, just don’t go full nuclear. Always communicate from a place of love and care for each other, and if you can’t, take some time to think about why.  


3. OWN UP:

Relationships are a two way street. A conflict is never one sided, or completely one person’s fault. Being self aware and owning up to your own part in a problem is key.

If you’re having relationship issues, ask yourself how you can help the situation, not how you can deflect blame from yourself. Oh, also: don’t be afraid to say you’re sorry. Seriously. 



To truly grow together you have to know each other! In the beginning, sex and desire can sometimes lead us to gloss over parts of ourselves and our past that are important to us. Take the time to open up to your partner about what you care about: What are your values? Your past experiences? What’s your emotional life like? You can be with someone for years and still find ways to reveal more and more about yourself. Show them you care by letting them in. 


5. TIME:

Schedule undivided time for your partner. Maybe it’s a dinner date, a relaxing massage after work, or just a moment alone before everyone else in your household wakes up. The more time you can spend with your partner, unplugged from the world and plugged into each other: the better. 



There’s no bigger buzzkill than being together TOO much! You want your partner to grow in all aspects of their life, including their friendships, work life, and hobbies.

Have things that are just for you individually, and encourage the same in your partner! You should trust them enough that you don’t have to spend every minute together. It makes your time together that much more special. 



How could we forget this part! Fan the flame of your relationship and don’t be afraid to change things up. Role play, toys, wish fulfillment. The best part about a long term relationship is that you can work together and grow: sexually. Always wanted to try something you’re a little nervous about? With a loving partner, you can grow towards trying it. Oh also, make time for morning sex. Trust me. 



Set goals for your relationship and keep track of them. Growing your relationship is like any type of physical growth: measuring it affirms that it happened! Make goals for yourself together: maybe plan a certain number of date nights a month, make a commitment to not yell in arguments, or to check-in every morning before work. Setting goals and acknowledging when you accomplish them can give you the positive affirmation you need to keep growing.



Let the other person know how much you love and appreciate them. Ideally, every day. Figure out what displays of affection are preferred by your significant other. Take a love languages quiz together and show them your love in a way that resonates with them.

Give thanks for them, privately and together, because without the other person there would be no relationship at all. 



Seeing a couples counselor isn’t the end of the world! If you have goals you can’t seem to accomplish together or have trouble communicating in a positive way, having an outside eye on the situation will help. If the relationship is worth it, the investment in having someone else give you new tools for being together will be invaluable. 


At the end of the day, remind yourself why you fell in love in the first place. Growth starts with strong roots, so cultivate them from the beginning with love, care, respect and communication. Then watch yourself flourish. Together. 




Tessa Skara is a writer and comedian. She is bravely bicoastal. She loves all things queer, including, but not limited to sex. Follow her on Instagram @tessafuckinskara.
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