Your Guide to Satisfying Quickies

giphy (49)It’s been said that ours is a generation obsessed with instant gratification, and honestly… Where is the lie?

Our pace of life has gone from campfire to microwave, from snail mail to Snapchat, from horse-and-buggy to cars that literally drive themselves. All these developments were created to help us move faster, be more efficient, and make the most of the oh-so-limiting 24 hours we have every day. Ironically, the most time we spend standing still takes place during the daily “rush hour”. Even then, we rant and rave against this wasted time, begrudging every person in our way.

Truth be told, it doesn’t matter if we like the rate of play or not. We are forced to live our lives in the fast lane—or run the risk of being honked at, flipped off and essentially run off the road.

Survival of the fittest? Maybe. But often times, it feels more like survival of the quickest. Fast food, speedy internet connections and one-day delivery—These are a few of our favorite things. But there’s still one place on this slow-spinning Earth where speed is not valued and revered: the bedroom.

In the early stages of my current relationship, I was a firm member of the anti-quickie brigade. Truthfully, the mere suggestion of a “quickie before class” had the power to turn my vagina into a desert. To be fair, I had literally JUST started having consistently explosive orgasms; I wasn’t prepared to surrender that gift for time’s sake.

Then again, this was also college. Whatever else I had to do during the day was significantly less important than 45 minutes of concentrated foreplay. I had endless amounts of energy and just enough free time to make the idea of a quickie feel like an insult. How dare you skip over the best parts of sex in favor of a fast bang? Not on my watch. Now drop and give me 20 minutes of oral.

Well, that was then. This is now.

Four years later, my stance on quickies has changed significantly. What I once viewed as laziness eventually revealed itself for what it was truly was: an opportunity for efficiency. A challenge, if you will. Can we both knock out an orgasm before our Postmates’ driver arrives? LET’S SEE.

Don’t get me wrong, I understand why quickies get such a bad rap. Especially with women! Fast sex usually doesn’t do it for us in terms of orgasms. More often than not, foreplay gets skipped entirely—and you know how we feel about foreplay. If we’re not properly warmed up for sex, then we probably won’t be naturally lubed up either. Ever go down a water-slide with no water? Yeah, it’s kind of like that.

On top of all that, quickies lack one of the things that people in relationships need most from their sexual encounters: intimacy.

Still, when you’ve got a full-time job, plus plenty of obligations and responsibilities to occupy your “free time”, you are kind of forced to take whatever scraps of a sex life you can get. Truly, it’s a miracle any of us are having any sex at all… What with sleep being such an appealing alternative.

If you think about it, the ability to successfully bang one out in a jif is actually quite beneficial. And the ability to quickly bang one out AND have an orgasm? Well, that’s the kind of skill that’d be worth taking the time to master…

From one sleep-deprived sex zombie to another: it CAN be done. If you find the right formula of moves and get them down to a science, you can have your quickie and orgasm too.

Here are 5 tricks for a more fulfilling quickie:

1. Talk dirty

Okay, so there might not be time for a full round of foreplay, but guess what ladies? There’s more than one way to get you warmed up. So instead of relying on oral sex to get you hot and bothered, start with the biggest sex organ you’ve got: your big, sexy brain.

For women, arousal begins in your head and works its way down to your southern regions. And the great thing is, your mind can be stroked from anywhere — All day long, if that’s what it takes. If you know you’ve got a quickie in your near future, set the mood with a touch of dirty talk. Send your partner a frisky text during the day, letting them know exactly what you want to do to them. If you’re together, running errands or grocery shopping, lean in and seductively whisper in their ear. Don’t be afraid to get raunchy either! The hotter the dirty talk, the more turned on you will be for the main event.

2. Take It Off (But Leave Some On)

It sounds counterintuitive. Shouldn’t you be stripping down for easy access? The act of ripping one another’s clothes off can certainly up the heat factor quite a bit. But if quickies become a regular practice, you’re eventually going to find yourself looking at a laundry basket of shredded underwear, wondering if you can overnight tighty-whities via Amazon Prime. So why not save yourselves the hassle by not taking them off at all?

Okay ladies, I know it sounds a little odd, but keeping your panties on during sex can actually increase your chances of having an orgasm. For one, the added barrier helps to build the anticipation—Even leaving your underwear on for an extra minute or so after you’ve taken off all your other clothes can be the ultimate tease. The fabric provides a little extra friction, so soft strokes and touching through the material amplifies the sensations and boosts your arousal. Plus, it just has that hot, spontaneous “sex in the backseat of your parents car before curfew” kind of feel to it… And who doesn’t miss that once in awhile?

3. Learn to Love Lubricant

Remember that thing we touched on earlier, about the lack of foreplay and the dry waterslide? To men, this might seem a tad bit unpleasant; for women, it’s a nightmare. And a PAINFUL nightmare at that. “Going in dry” can cause microscopic tears in the vagina, making women more susceptible to bacteria and sexually transmitted infections. And there’s nothing sexy about that…

The solution? If you can’t create it, replicate it! Before your next quickie, add a few drops of your favorite lubricant into your hands and massage it gently into your clitoris first, before moving down to your vaginal opening. I’m personally loving System JO’s Agape line because it most closely resembles a woman’s natural lubrication. The combination of the silky smooth lubricant and your partner’s skillful fingers really jumpstarts the arousal process, making sex a more enjoyable (and speedy) experience for the both of you.

4. Know your Positions


Much like your blood type and your “in case of emergency” person’s number, knowing how you orgasm can be a pretty handy piece of information to have stored in your brain. True, it probably won’t help in the case of an actual emergency, but when you’ve only got 15 minutes to knock out a mutually beneficial sex session… Let’s just say, you’re gonna be glad you’ve done your homework.

Positions matter always, but they become especially important when you’re in a race against time. You don’t have the luxury of cycling through the Kama Sutra until you’ve found your sweet spot. You need results. And sorry boys, but the jackhammer just isn’t going to cut it.

Look for sex positions that directly stimulate the clitoris (you know the clitoris, right?) like Cowgirl or the CAT position. Or if you’re more of an internal orgasm gal, Sportsheets’ amazing G-Spot Link can definitely get you where you need to go. It allows you to comfortably position your legs for optimal G-Spot stimulation during sex, and even gives your partner a nice handle to grip while they help you find the most orgasmic angle.

5. Say Yes to Sex Toys

Let’s be real. In this day and age, no matter what your need… There is ALWAYS a gadget for that. You need to get from Point A to Point B in the shortest amount of time possible? Say hello to a wide range of navigation apps. You want food delivered directly to your door? There’s an app for that, too. Want a watch that records every step you take so you have definitive proof that you’re working to lose weight? Of course that exists in multiple forms. No matter what your need, someone somewhere has invented a way to make it easier, faster and more accessible. So it only makes sense that there would be an arsenal of tools to fulfill your sexual needs as well.

If you’re one of the few that is still uncertain about sex toys, it’s time to let go of the fear and embrace the future. Sex toys are NOT a replacement for intimacy, or even skill. They’re a shortcut, much like Google Maps or Waze, that can point us in the right direction and make sure we get there FAST. Bringing a clitoral vibrator like FT London’s G-ring into play can make even the most male-centric positions (like Doggy Style) a hit for both parties. Women NEED clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm, and sex toys help to make that possible. Even the dreaded jackhammer can feel like a million bucks with a little assistance from the Magic Wand!

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They say that anything worth doing is worth doing slowly. That’s all well and good when you’ve got nothing but time on your hands. By all means, take it slow. Screw like sensual turtles on a lazy Sunday morning—hey, more power to you. But some of us live on a much different plane of existence, one where time is in short supply. We need to make every second count, and every climax count double… Hence the need for fulfilling fast sex. 

Luckily, you don’t have to sacrifice your orgasm in the name of time-efficient sex. With these tricks up your sleeve, you’ll be speed-humping your way to more satisfying quickies in no time—probably in less time than it took you to read this blog. Sorry.

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