How to Make Scheduled Sex HOT

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“Hey Emily!

I currently live with my boyfriend of five years, whom I love so much. Recently, we completely stopped having sex for almost a year because we were so busy starting our careers. We realized this was a big problem and have been working on ways to improve it, mostly by planning out times to have sex. It’s going well, we’re having sex more often, but now it feels like there’s no spontaneity left. What are some ways we can fix this and bring the excitement back?

Thanks,
J

Let me preface this by saying, good for you, J! It’s great that you and your partner were able to recognize the problem in the bedroom and are now working to make sex a priority. It might not feel like the stuff of romance novels—“Today’s To-Do List: Exercise, cook dinner, fold laundry, have sex”—but the good news is, you’re on the right track!

We have this idea that sex should always be spontaneous and exciting, but as anyone who has been in a long-term relationship can attest, that initial feverish passion has a tendency to subside once you get past the honeymoon phase. It’s not that you’re no longer hot for your partner—that level of hot and heavy just isn’t sustainable over time, especially for two people with busy and demanding lives. And while it doesn’t feel quite as hot as an impromptu lovemaking sesh on the kitchen floor, sometimes putting “getting busy” on the books is the only way couples can stay connected.

Just because your sex life is scheduled doesn’t mean it has to be routine. Find out how to spice up scheduled sex in my newest sex tip article for Glamour’s Smitten column, “How to Make Scheduled Sex HOT

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