A Lesson in Oral (Sex) History
Hello class! Welcome back to Sex Ed: 101. I hope you’ve all been very naughty this week, practicing your French Lessons. For those pupils just joining us, I am your instructor Ms. Conduct. Today we are going to learn about cunnilingus, fellatio, and anilingus. Don’t worry; this lesson may be a mouth full but is very easy to learn– especially if you are an eager student.
In fact, your eagerness and enthusiasm is the number one thing to remember when it comes to giving and receiving great head. The more you want to go down on your partner and the more they want your mouth on them, the better the oral sex will be.
As we look at a brief history if the art and practice of oral exploration, we will also integrate today’s most important tips for fantastic blowjobs and fun ways to optimize eating out. By knowing the history, you will better understand the context of your present day oral exploration. Not to mention, have a better appreciation for the kinky history that isn’t so different from today. It’s like the great poet Maya Angelou once said, “The more you know of your history, the more liberated you are.”
Now, without further ado, let’s get liberated with Lesson Two: Oral History.
Primal Beginnings- The Dawn of Oral Sex
You may recall learning about “Lucy” the first prehistoric woman who’s ancient remains are 3.2 million years old. Well, as it turns out, the first woman was a damn fine woman indeed. According to Yves Coppens (the paleontologist who lead the expedition that discovered Lucy) our earliest hominid ancestor engaged in what the good scientist call “paleo-fellatio.” How did they deduce Lucy’s oral proclivities based on her bones alone?
There are a few cool facts that lead to this conclusion. For one thing, Bonobos, the modern primate most similar to humans and Australopithecus ancestors like Lucy, are known for their rampant oral sex. Bonobos aren’t afraid of good Handy J either, and they’re likely to be so forthcoming with sexual contact because, unlike humans, they don’t have the same social stigmas deterring them from their pleasure seeking nature. It’s also that primates use their mouths as a way to explore so it’s very likely Lucy was out there just exploring. Finally, Coppens concludes that Lucy was performing fellatio because of her upright posture and “free hands” that make a good BJ possible.
Though Lucy is credited for being the first to engage in oral sex, the truth is that it was probably very common amongst her primal peers. Both fellatio and cunnilingus were being practiced based on the aforementioned facts and are seen as a natural part of the evolution of human sexuality. Oral sex allowed earliest humans to become pleasure-oriented as well as goal-oriented, meaning the species enjoys sex for recreation as much as procreation.
So class, what can we learn from Lucy and the “paleo-fellatio”?
Leave your inhibitions at the door and enjoy yourselves. While blowjobs and clit licking are pretty mainstream these days, there are still a few stigmas that you can enjoy pushing past. Practice your oral more frequently and switch it up with 69ing. Flip your lover over and get into some anal licking. Try new oral positions.
For partners performing fellatio, lay on your back with your head propped on a pillow and let your male partner straddle you (being careful his weight is supported by his knees) and orally stimulate his penis. This is a great vantage point for making eye contact. Men as well as women can enjoy “sitting on your face.”
For partners who will be licking and sucking the lovely clitoris, switch it up by letting your lady stand, legs parted, as you rest on your knees. By changing the positions, you’re bucking the social status quo and spicing up your routine at the same time.
Use your free hands and dexterous fingers. Like Lucy, your ability to grip a precious object can enhance your oral sex. While performing oral sex, use your hands. Adding a lubricant like System JO’s Flavored Lube will add slip and smoothness while you incorporate your hands.
During a blowjob, placing your hand at the base of his penis while your mouth envelops his member will extend your oral reach as he’ll be fully stimulated. However, only allow his penis as deep into your throat as is comfortable for you. Gently tickling, caressing, or even lightly tugging on the scrotum can also add to your basic BJ. With your finger slick with salted caramel lube, you can also press into his perineum (the area between his scrotum and anus) and if you both agree, you can gently slide your finger about two inches into his anus until you feel the almond shaped prostate gland and then OH MY GOD HE JUST CAME.
For the Cunning:
Cunnilingus is also easily enhanced by the use of fingers and hands. For one thing, you can slide lubricated fingers against her clitoris or insert two to three fingers inside of her vagina while you roll your tongue along her clit. Using a come-hither motion to stimulate her g-spot is excellent, but you can also switch it up between that and digital penetration. Press a little, push in and out, press a little more, slide in and out, press a little more… all while keeping your mouth and tongue exploring with licks and sucking. You can also use your hands to lightly separate her outer labia for better clitoral viewing or use your hands cupped under her bottom, lifting her pelvis towards your face. This motion is similar to the ones you’d use in a pie-eating contest. No pun intended– it’s literally the same hand motion.
Relieve the Pressure
Practice pleasure-oriented oral and not just goal-oriented. While you may or may not be engaging in sexual activity in an effort to propagate the species, being overly goal based can mire even non-procreative sex. Oral sex goals can be to orgasm, to “make” your partner orgasm, as foreplay to intercourse, or to distract your partner from their social media addiction. Whatever your goals may be, consider loosening your grip on any sexpectations. Like the earliest practitioners in the oral arts, allow yourself to explore. Take your time and have fun. Who knows, you and your partner might discover something totally new and change the course of oral history forever!
There you have it students, the basics of oral that began at the dawn of oral sex. Please be sure to do your homework tonight and let us know if you make new discoveries or have any questions along the way. Class dismissed.