Make Sex Fun Again!
Attraction is chemistry meeting biology. When one sees someone they’re attracted to, their eyes dilate, a rush of neurotransmitters flood the brain. It’s carnal. Mouths water, skin gets goosebumps, and hairs stand on end.
Sometimes sex can feel like a spiritual experience, like two souls emotionally and physically intertwining. In the media it’s portrayed as the culmination of tension between two people – the ultimate expression of connection.
But sex doesn’t always have to be so serious. And sometimes there’s too much pressure on making sex more ‘Fifty Shades of Grey’ rather than ‘Fifty Shades of Play.’ If you feel like the heat is beginning to cool, here are some ways to bring fun back into the bedroom.
Sometimes awkward moments can break the mood – a fart or burp, a stomach gurgle or a queef. But by letting these things be a natural part of the symphony of foreplay, it doesn’t mean these things should break the rhythm.
Focus on calling in your partner rather than calling them out. Enjoy the humanity of those moments vs. putting either partner in an awkward place when nature calls. Instead of a reprimand, laugh it off, or make a game out of the music our bodies make.
For people who are into the fetish space, a safe word is a common practice for when to say ‘stop.’ But, it also can be a fun idea to have a safe word for ‘go.’ Have a word that asks permission for your partner. Maybe it’s a code word for fellatio, or ‘meet me in the bedroom.’ Whatever word you choose, it’s fun to have a prompt that ‘pulls the trigger’ so you can surprise your partner with a good time. It’ll bring the unexpected back to your sexual pattern.
Currency – the exchange of goods and services – is a great way to game-ify sexual pleasure. By setting up a token system or barter system, it can create a sexy interactive way to engage sexually. Write a note to your partner that says ‘after the dishes are washed, a token can be gained to sexually cash in later.’
Give your partner a weekly or monthly allowance to cash in on. Creating commerce and structure can actually add spontaneity and fun to your sexual ecosystem.
Repetition can often lead to madness. By adding in different roles, or role playing, it’s as if you’re inviting a familiar stranger into the bedroom. Role playing doesn’t have to be about being a cop and robber, a doctor or patient, or a pizza delivery guy, but it can even be as simple as emotional role play. What happens when you try out being the aggressor vs. the submissive? What does it feel like to be blindfolded or tied up? By building trust with your partner, it creates another level of intimacy and excitement.
YOU WANNA BET?
Sometimes outright games or wagers can be ways to spice up bedroom time. Wager a sexual bet on a sports game, reality tv show, or anything with a fixed outcome.
‘Loser of this episode goes down on their partner.’ ‘Winner gets to choose the next three sexual positions.’ By adding a fun competitive element, it helps delineate some fun temporary sexual dynamics to a situation.
In legal states, it can be fun to engage sexually under the influence of alcohol or marijuana. Sex also doesn’t necessarily mean full sexual intercourse. There’s always foreplay. Once under the influence, can you get each other off with just dirty talk? Is it possible to get each other aroused via a tantric connection? Make the experiences before, after, and around sex part of the sexual experience. It’s fun to broaden the definition of sexual interplay.
Always remember when trying any of the above, it’s most important to have fun, and listen to your partner. If something is outside of the comfort zone, it’s okay to say no thank you, and it’s always alright to pull back.
Lumi Park is a writer, foodie, and Capricorn, from the cornfields of Ohio. He once won a NYC bartending award, a Brooklyn-wide comic book Trivia Bowl, and went to nationals two years in a year for the sport of jump roping. He is oddly not competitive.