The Ultimate Married Sex Manual
Getting married. It’s the ultimate goal for some, but with it comes a myriad of negative sex stigmas.
Marriage is beautiful and full of timeless heartfelt traditions. And with some effort, the longevity of your union will only further foster the health of your relationship.
Strengthen the sex in your marriage with these simple tips.
1. De-Stress for Better Sex
Stress is one of the biggest killers of sex drive. So many married people are walking around under the storm cloud of our “to-do list” – the laundry, the dog, the report for work. Toss in the worries about not having enough sex and it’s like a one-person monsoon. When it’s time for bed, it’s raining stress all over your sex life which is not the best aphrodisiac.
The first step toward a better sex life is to add time for relaxation to the list of to-dos. Meditate, read a book, take a walk, get a massage and prioritize taking time for yourself. This isn’t just a suggestion, it’s a requirement for emotional and physical well being. If you need a hand in the practice of relaxation, try Simple Habit, a wellness app featuring audio content from our very own Emily.
2. Boost Your Confidence
Feeling sexy and confident is a key ingredient for boosting your sex life. Even if you don’t feel like you’re in your physical prime, a good spouse will always believe in your beauty.
Pamper yourself! Get a manicure or splurge on some new threads or sexy lingerie. Put effort into doing whatever makes you feel like the sex machine that you are. Your partner will likely pick up on this newfound sexual confidence and pursue it all the way to the bedroom.
Being naked is good for your health and good for your confidence which, in turn, is good for your sex life. Next time you’re home alone, plant yourself in front of a mirror, strip down to your birthday suit, and take time to appreciate everything you’ve got. One of the biggest obstacles on the road to great sex is the giant boulder built with your own physical insecurities.
Chip away at them by getting used to your body and loving your body. You won’t feel so shy next time you try to stage a seduction. Practice loving your body in front of the mirror. Try saying “I love you” instead of any negative thoughts you have about what you see.
Plus, being naked with your partner establishes physical and emotional intimacy and the lack of clothes brings you one step closer to each other.
3. Break the Old Patterns
Sometimes mixing things up can be as simple as a change of scenery. If you want to break free from your familiar sex routine, take your sex life outside the bedroom. Have sex in the shower, on the kitchen floor, on the stairs, or even in the backyard. The change of location adds the elements of spontaneity and novelty, both ingredients for spicing things up when you’re married.
Surprise Each Other
Be daring and spontaneous, whether you’re in your parked car in the garage or in a restaurant bathroom stall. What matters here is the thrill of new sexperiences. You can’t revert back to old-fashioned missionary when you’re doing it in a cramped shower stall.
Knowing that sex can occur at any moment, in any place, will be sure to freshen up even the most vanilla sex lives.
4. Focus on Each Other
Take The Pressure Off
Let go of the expectations about how married sex life “should” be and accept where it’s at in the present moment. There is no “normal” number of times to have sex per week or month. It’s quality, not quantity that matters.
What is it that you truly desire and how do you want sex to make you feel? Be easy, be present and let things happen naturally.
Appreciate Your Partner
A commonality among many married people is that they want to feel appreciated and desired. When you’re a newlywed, the compliments and appreciations fly back and forth effortlessly. As you get deeper into marriage, family, and making a life together, these little affectionate moments tend to take a back seat.
Little compliments and statements of affection (like an “I love you” before work or an “I can’t wait to see you” while at work) can be emotional foreplay. Show that you still see your partner just as clearly, and desire them just as much as you did in the beginning. This will hopefully rekindle that initial sexual desire.
Go For Intimacy, Not Just Great Sex
This goes along with both of the aforementioned game-changers: Taking the pressure off of the sex and create a culture of appreciation by putting an emphasis on increasing intimacy. As you start to feel closer and more connected on this level, the sex will follow.
Spend more time together doing non-sexual, but physically close, activities. For example, snuggle on the couch to watch a movie, hold hands, kiss, cuddle. Take turns giving each other sensual massages to relax. Essentially, enjoy all aspects of being together, and being in love. This will lead to much more powerful and meaningful sexual experiences, and make the non-sex times better as well.
5. Activities for Better Married Sex
This one is a no-brainer: Exercise gives you endorphins, endorphins make you happy and happy people are less stressed, feel sexier and actually have better sex. That is to say, even a little elevation of your heart rate could lead you to a sexier time with your spouse.
Contrary to what movies have told you, masturbation is not just for singles, or frustrated men. Furthermore, research shows that people who masturbate have higher self-esteem, improved body image, and more active sex lives. However, when it comes to sex toys, many married people are still wary of using them together. But toys can be your best friend in the bedroom!
Masturbation is also a great teaching tool. You can figure out exactly what you like, what turns you on most and then when it’s time to turn your solo act into a duo, you can show your partner how it’s done.
6. Foster a Sex-Friendly Environment
Talk About Sex
One of the best ways to create a sex-friendly environment is to talk about it. For many couples, they can talk about virtually anything but sex. Learning to talk about sex is an acquired skill but communication is lubrication, so best to start talking. Create an open, judgment-free environment in which you can discuss what you both want sexually.
If you’re uncomfortable diving into fantasies, or just can’t come up with any, it’s helpful to talk about the most memorable and pleasurable time you had sex together. But what made it so good? What did you love about it? This will get the wheels turning and the juices flowing.
Set the Scene, Your Mood Will Follow…
If you’re gearing up for a night of intimacy, set aside some prep time. So take a steamy shower, do your hair, take your time! Not only will this naturally get you in mood, but it can also be relaxing and meditative to take time for yourself.
The bedroom needs to be your sexual sanctuary. Clear the space of paperwork, kids’ toys, and projects. Remember, set the atmosphere by lighting candles, turning on music that makes you feel good. Do whatever you need to make the bedroom, and the bed, in particular, an attractive and sexy place to be. This primes your mind and the anticipation of sex and mentally sets the mood.
Spice It Up
Once you’ve shared your fantasies and desires, it’s time to try them out to mix things up. No matter how delicious it is, if you’ve been having the same meal every day for 10 years, you won’t get excited about it and will probably lose your appetite. By bringing something new into the bedroom, you’re adding a little spice to your comfort food, giving you something new to look forward to in your marriage.
A great place to start on your journey to spicier sex is at Good Vibes. Anything that tickles your fancy, they are sure to have! Turn it into a game for you and your partner: Take a lap around the site and each pick out the top 5 things you’d like to try, then compare and discuss. Picking out sex toys together is the ultimate form of foreplay. Trust me, you won’t want to wait to get home to try out all your goodies!
So if you’re worried that your nuptials were the beginning of the end of your sex life, fear not! Follow these guidelines to keep it hot even as you grow old and gray together, sexily ever after!