Mismatched Libidos

Dear Emily,

I’m a 24-year-old guy, dating a 45-year-old man. When we fell in love, the age gap didn’t matter but when we got into bed it started to. I have an unusually high sex drive, wanting sex multiple times a day. My partner does not. He prefers sex a few times a week, and only in the early morning….

We’ve gotten in many fights about our lack of sex, and he gets very sensitive. I’ve tried turning him on in every way, but I never succeed.

He is muscular while I am rather slim, He told me that If I bulk up he’d be more sexually attracted to me. Although he says he loves me the way I am, I feel bulking up is my only way to save our sex life. Is this right? Is there anything else I can do and will my body really make a difference?

-Kyle

Ah Kyle. Where do I begin? We’ve got the age difference, the mismatched libidos, and the notion that you must change to keep your boyfriend.

Your boyfriend should not be putting ultimatums on you or your sex life. And he definitely should not make your sex life contingent upon you changing your body. I highly doubt that bulking up will even make a great difference in your sex life. I suspect something else is going on here and it’s not about how many lb’s you’re packing on (or not packing).

Bottom line is you’re not sexually compatible if you want to have sex all the time and your boyfriend only wants the morning loving. It’s appears that your libidos are headed in different directions, and your lives should be headed in different directions too. You need to be with someone who will appreciate every inch of your slim, sexual self.

xxx

Emily