“My wife won’t have sex with me”

Dear Emily,

I’m 42, married 11 years, hot wife, two kids 8 and 6.

My sex life sucks because I’ve lost respect for my wife…She has turned into a bitch.

I’m horny and masterbate 2-3 times a day.  Haven’t had sex with my wife for one year.  I’m starting to flirt with other women.  I’m imagining things I shouldn’t and I’m not sure if I can stop.

It’s complicated.

Can I be a sex addict?

Where do I turn?

Thanks,

Chad

Dear Chad,

You cannot simplify your complicated marital problems to, “she turned into a bitch.” Your relationship has inevitably changed after eleven years of marriage and kids. I understand that you’re extremely frustrated, but if you blame her for all your marital problem you aren’t seeing your marriage clearly.

Instead of writing her off as a bitch, ask her what she wishes was different about her life and your marriage. Try to make the conversation about her needs instead of making it about your sexual frustration. Maybe she doesn’t want to have sex with you because she doesn’t feel like you respect her. You need to figure out why you both are reacting negatively towards each other.  If you don’t figure out the root of the problem, you don’t stand a chance in saving your marriage or your sex life. I suggest that you express your feelings without using profanities.

Secondly, masturbating a couple times a day is completely normal. Sex Addiction comes into play when you can’t control your sexual impulses and it gets in the way of other aspects of your life. Although I can’t diagnose you, you’re probably just sexually frustrated because you haven’t had sex with your wife in a year.

Also, it’s perfectly normal to have sexual fantasies about other women. Your imagination only becomes a problem if you act out those fantasies.

My advice- stop feeling sorry for yourself, stop flirting, and start figuring out your marriage.

xxx,

Emily

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