A Night of Tantra Changed My Life by Xanet Pailet
How does a 48 year old New York City health care lawyer who was living in a sexless marriage for over two decades transform into a full time sex and intimacy coach? One word…”Tantra.”
Xanet Pailet talks about how a night of “goddess worship” completely changed her sex life for the better, and to show you it’s never too late to find your own sexual awakening!
Excerpted from her new book “Living an Orgasmic Life: Heal Yourself and Awaken Your Pleasure,” pre-orders now being taken here.
Picture this. Three months after I left my marriage I met Eric. Although a successful businessman, I found him to be needy and grabby in the bedroom, which was a huge trigger for me.
You see, sex was always problematic. Not only did I have not pleasure, I had a lot of pain during sex. So, a man who threw me up against a wall and tried to “take me” was very scary (I love that now, but that’s another story). We dated for a while, but the relationship wasn’t going any place and I was ready to call it quits.
One day I get a call from Eric. “I have some really exciting news to share,” he said. “Will you meet me for dinner?” He had great tastes in restaurants and I was a bit curious so I said yes.
At dinner, he told me that he had just completed a Tantra weekend workshop and had a whole new understanding about sexuality. I didn’t know much about Tantra. What I did know sounded really out there to me, but I listened with rapt attention as he explained what he learned at the workshop.
At the end of our dinner, he proposed to offer me an evening of Goddess Worship.
I accepted the invitation for two reasons. First, the man at dinner was completely different than the man who had been sexually aggressive just a few weeks ago. He was calm, kinder and less intense. The Tantra workshop clearly changed Eric, and I wanted to know more. Second, no one had ever called me a “Goddess” before and said they wanted to worship me. This I had to experience for myself.
When I walked into Eric’s apartment, it was lit with candles, soft, sexy music was playing, and he was wearing a sarong (a full body length scarf tied around his waist). He drew me a bath that was filled with beautiful smells from the oils he put in and told me just to relax. Then, he led me to his bed that was covered with rose petals.
Eric told me three things that I will never forget.
“Tonight is solely about your pleasure, Xanet. I am not even going to take my sarong off.” Then he said that there were absolutely no expectations whatsoever– we could start with a gentle massage and see where it goes. And finally, “you get to say yes or no and I will stop whenever you want.”
That first night of Goddess worship was one of the most amazing experiences of my life. I literally just laid on his bed and allowed myself to be touched and pleasured with no expectations. I did not have crazy, screaming orgasms (those came later), but I did experience my body in a way I never had before. I didn’t know I was capable of experiencing such an immense amount of pleasure. The connection I felt to my sexuality was completely new to me. Tantra became my doorway to sexual healing and awakening and led me to my new career as a sex coach and Tantra teacher.
You’re probably asking, “what is this Tantra thing?” When most people think about Tantra, they visualize wild, crazy sex and orgies. In truth, Tantra is an ancient, 3,000 year old, spiritual practice that began in India. The translation of Tantra means “to expand” or “to weave.”
In Tantra, we use our sexual energy to expand our pleasure, to connect more deeply with a partner during sex, and to experience a state of orgasmic bliss. Think about this state of bliss as an out of body experience, where time and space seem to disappear. It’s like you’re high, but without the drugs.
So why might you want to learn Tantra?
Men who learn Tantric practices are able to have full body orgasms, without ejaculating or losing their erection. They can keep this going for hours, which is why women with Tantric lovers can never go back!
Women who learn Tantric practices are able to have deep, intense, orgasms– where they can ride the orgasmic wave for long periods of time.
Seriously, who wouldn’t want this in their sex life?
It’s easy to get started with Tantra by learning some basic concepts that you can easily incorporate into your sex life.
Tantra is about enjoying the journey and not worrying about the destination. Stop caring about whether you come or your partner comes– there is no end game here. Having all these goals puts you in your head and that immediately takes you out of your experience. In fact, if you are someone who, like me, struggles with clitoral orgasms, losing the expectations allows your body to relax, which is critical for orgasms.
Tantric sex forces you to slow down. Yes, eventually you may get to the main dish, but we all know the appetizers are delicious. Tantric practices involve many different steps, using breath, sound, touch and movement, that help you build up the sexual energy in your body and the sexual charge between you and your partner.
The most important thing I learned from Tantra was to breathe. This is a lot harder than it sounds because most of us breathe very shallowly. The deeper you breathe, the more oxygen you bring into your body, causing your nerve endings from your hands to your genitals to become more awake and alive, so you will feel more sensation. Breathing deeply into your cock or pussy will really start igniting the fire. During my Goddess worship night, Eric taught me some breathing techniques that really helped me to relax and open my body up to allow sensation and pleasure in.
Give it a Go
A great practice is for you to sit facing your partner on the floor, look into their eyes or face, and start breathing at the same pace. The pace is less important than feeling like you are connecting with and tracking each other’s breath. You can also do this in a spooning position or lying on top of each other. The goal is to feel like you are one body rather than two. Notice all the places where you feel energy between your two bodies and try to intensify those sensations by placing your attention on it.
Want to learn more Tantric practices and how to experience more pleasure? Go to my website, www.powerofpleasure.com and pre-order a copy of my new book: “Living an Orgasmic Life.” You will also get a Free electronic version for being a Sex with Emily fan.