A Guide to Closing the Orgasm Gap

UnknownAccording to an article from Psychology Today “only 25% of women are consistently orgasmic during vaginal intercourse.” Even if you can have an orgasm from penile stimulation  there’s no guarantee that a women will experience the big O every time she has sex. Only “about half of women sometimes have orgasms during intercourse. About 20% seldom or ever have orgasms during intercourse. and about 5% never have orgasms period.” Couples have to navigate the difference between their orgasms themselves. Each individual is responsible for their pleasure, but it helps when both partners make their needs known and can openly communicate about what they need. Statistics aside, it’s clear that both men and women need insight and advice for closing the orgasm gap.

Guys, if you’re noticing that your partner isn’t experiencing an orgasm during vaginal intercourse, or if you fear she might be faking it, find a time (outside of the bedroom) to talk to her about it. The most important thing is that you phrase your words carefully and thoughtfully so as not to shame her, start out with letting her know how important her pleasure is to you, how pleasing her turns you on, etc. She could reply with an array of responses, perhaps she’s never had an orgasm, or it’s always been difficult, maybe she doesn’t feel the need to have one or maybe she needs some combination of foreplay and self-pleasure to get herself there. Whatever it is, be open.

Ladies, it’s easier said than done but never, NEVER, fake it. Faking an orgasm isn’t doing anyone any favors in the long run and part of being able to have great sex has to do with sexual confidence. If you can express to your partner that you’re not orgasming during sex you’ll be one step closer to being a confident, assertive sexually active individual. Just like the advice for the guys, try to have the big O conversation outside of the bedroom. Choose your words wisely and make it clear that your orgasm is a joint effort and either offer suggestions for how you can get closer to that sought-after moment or let him know about ways you’d heard of and life to try.

Once you’ve talked about it with your partner, consider trying…

1. Foreplay. On average it takes a man about 5 minutes to have an orgasm while for women, it might take 18 minutes. Close the orgasm gap by introducing foreplay into your sex life. Check out this blog for tips on different kinds of foreplay.

2. Mutual Masturbation. Not only can pleasing yourself be a great way of showing your partner how and where you like to be touched, it can also be useful in spicing up sex that’s become somewhat routine and bring you closer as a couple. This blog on Simultaneous Orgasms is a great place to start.

3. Promescent. The only FDA approved delay spray. With just a touch of promescent any guy will be able to last that much longer. If he’s a 5 minute man- double that. Whether or not premature ejaculation is a reality you face as a couple, Promescent can and will help you last longer in bed. Longer-lasting sexual intercourse could result in you reaching the big O through vaginal intercourse.

4. Toys. Introducing a sex toy into the bedroom can be a fun way to add a touch of kink into your relationship. Similar to mutual masturbation, introducing a vibrator into the bedroom can show your partner what get’s you off. Consider allowing him to control the toy and take pleasing you into his own hands. Check out this blog on the Top 5 Vibrators for Couples.

Closing the orgasm gap takes work but you can do it! It might take days, weeks or even months of experimenting with different combinations of these tips but you’ll get there. Tweet me at Sex With Emily and let me know how your journey towards the Big O is going!


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