Questions To Ask Before Walking Down The Aisle
Walking down the aisle is a big deal, and an even bigger commitment. 45% of all first marriages end in divorce, and over 60% of second marriages end in divorce. No one wants to question their decision to get married. Here are some questions to ask yourself and your partner before you take that jaunt down the aisle.
TRY IT BEFORE YOU BUY IT
The Question: Do we like living together?
I know there are still some old school people who want to save cohabitating for marriage, but do your lives fit together in a simpatico way? Which side of the bed do you sleep on? What are their morning rituals? These are little specificities that aren’t going to destroy a marriage, but definitely can be the straw that can break the marriage camel’s back.
CLEAN OUT YOUR CLOSET
The Question: Is there anything you want to talk about?
Your past, your biggest fears and insecurities – these should be aired out and addressed before tying the knot. What are the things that you’ve gone through that may be holding you back in your own life? Because those will definitely start to entangle a partner once you walk down the aisle. I’m not saying you have to have every part of your life figured out, but knowing how your brain reacts to things because of what you’ve been through is a helpful start in how to communicate effectively.
TWO WORLDS ONE FAMILY
The Question: How are we going to spend the holidays?
What is our relationship to our families now that we are together? Some families can be a handful. And once you’re married, it can sometimes feel like you’re being pulled in two different directions at once – where do we spend Christmas? Do we have to go to your niece’s christening? How much do we spend on your cousin’s 21st birthday present? Understanding for each other the give and take of these other relationships – whdether your family is like glue, complicated, or estranged, is important. You never want your marriage to strain because of someone that lives outside your bedroom.
ME TIME VS. US TIME
The Question: ‘Can you give me some space?’
After the honeymoon phase, there can be an expectation that ‘after we’re married, everything changes’. In reality, it will probably feel a little more like the same, but with tax benefits. It’s important to ask ‘how much time do you need to yourself?’ There may be an initial feeling to spend more time together out of marriage obligation, but understanding each other’s routines and schedules and respecting each other’s need for personal space is a healthy thing.
LET’S TALK ABOUT SEX
The Question: How will sex change?
If you haven’t saved yourself for marriage (if you have, that’s a WHOLE other ball of wax to dig into) you probably already have a pretty comfortable understanding of each other’s sexuality. But the ideas of marriage are evolving with human sexuality, and asking questions is the safest way to explore in a consensual way. ‘Can I tie you up?’ ‘Can you be a little rough?’ Also, if sexual adventurism is something you may see further down the road, sooner or later, asking those questions and knowing you’ll get a kind honest response is important – ‘Would it turn you on to watch me please someone else, or for me to watch you pleasure another?’ Communication is sexy, and creates a stronger bond when you’re ready to put a ring on it.
Lumi Park is a writer, foodie, and Capricorn, from the cornfields of Ohio. He once won a NYC bartending award, a Brooklyn-wide comic book Trivia Bowl, and went to nationals two years in a year for the sport of jump roping. He is oddly not competitive.